Tuesday, October 8, 1996
PEEVES:
From smelly dorms to slow walkers, some pet peeves you may not
have thought of yet By Robin Aguilar
Daily Bruin Columnist
QUIT PETTING MY PEEVES!!!
Fall 1996: The return of young, eager Bruins to their familiar
stomping grounds. The sounds of "Hey, how was your summer?" ring
throughout the hallways. New buildings open up while others close,
leaving some stranded, helpless and confused. Seventh-year seniors
are combing the freshman class for the next hottie who will turn
him down.
And with the advent of a new year return the pet peeves of
old.
I’ve been around this campus several thousand times and the
mysteries of UCLA continue to elude and piss me off. Let me give
you a glimpse into the travesties I witness almost everyday.
1. We all gotta buy books, right? Well then what the hell is up
with those flyers you receive before you can go into the bookstore?
Exactly how many people have touched them before you get them? Are
they supposed to be brown? I think they may have been green at one
time. I once saw some guy blow his nose with them so you do the
math.
2. No offense to my Bruin brothers and sisters who are forced to
live in the dorms, but what is up with that smell? You know, that
trademark residence hall smell which gets in your clothes, books,
and hair? It sounds to me like Rieber left its mark on you! "Hey
man! Where do you live? No wait … (sniff, sniff) Hitch, right?"
Maybe the dorms were built carwash style, and they happened to
select the puke air freshener.
3. So, it’s 7:30 a.m. and all I can think about is my warm bed I
left 10 long minutes ago. Oooh, I’ll go get a Cappuccino Royale.
Scrounging for two dollars I run over to Kerckhoff for my favorite
coffee. Why does the Capp Royale taste different from Kerckhoff to
LuValle? Do they spit in it or something? What if, God forbid, they
pee … Noooo.
I know the kind and upstanding coffee engineers at UCLA would
never do such a thing.
4. Why is it that everyday I am late for class one of two things
always happens? I’m trying to jam up Bruin Walk dodging the mass of
fliers and that Jews for Jesus guy, and there they are.
The Slow-Walkers Marathon 1996 has congregated to form yet
another Great Wall in my path. So immersed in their conversation my
polite "Excuse me"s are ignored. So I push through, just to hear
"Uh, rude!" follow me.
Then I get to one of the many elevators on campus and just
squeeze in the door. "O.K., 10 floors with 30 seconds left. Whew!
Damn! Who the hell is getting off on the first floor?" You know who
you are. Why don’t you take your lazy ass up the stairs?
Too bad you don’t know what the rest of the elevator says about
you when you get out, punk!
5. My final pet peeve is actually a plea for an answer to a
question I will probably never understand. The weekend is coming
and I yet again have no underwear. Oooh, I’ll just swing by the
arcade and get some quarters.
What the hell is up with that arcade? Is it some sort of
alternate universe?
I feel like I have stepped into The Who’s "Tommy." The
headmaster plays Street Fighter 65, and all the subjects stand
around watching and worshipping. I enter, and the subjects turn to
stare at me. I’m not one of you, I just wanted some quarters for my
laundry! That place is way too scary for me, thanks.
There are many more pet peeves that exist on this campus of
ours. Be strong in dealing with them, my children. Go forth in your
UCLA career with bravery and a higher knowledge of pet peeves so
you don’t become one yourself. Until next time …
Robin Aguilar is an English and Psychology student who has a
crapload of time on her hands.