Monday, September 22, 1997 To a true activist, neglecting
responsibility is most offensive FEMALE: Many people hold the
beliefs, but are afraid to take open action
By Niru Jayaraman
Feminism is probably the most offensive word in the English
language. In our society, it’s something no one really wants to
talk about or even admit to being affiliated with.
It’s usually shelved away in conversations, only because people
are generally afraid of being offended and realizing the
responsibilities that they have yet to take on. Some of us,
however, have been offended long enough.
Most people I know are actually feminists when it comes down to
it, but they really don’t want to publicly call themselves
feminists. If they did, they’d be taking a big risk in their social
circles.
I know a lot of people usually go around saying, "Oh, I strongly
believe women and men should be treated as equal human beings, but
I’m not a feminist." I don’t really see what the difference is. I
once asked one of my male friends why he refuses to call himself a
feminist, and he replied frankly, "Because then I’d get no
respect."
I’m not saying that you’re a selfish person if you don’t call
yourself a feminist. You’re just not an angry man-hating dyke like
the rest of us.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always taken responsibility
for being the angry woman. My friends in high school hated going to
the movies with me because way too often I’d complain that they
were sexist or racist.
"It’s just a movie!" they would cry. "Why can’t you just enjoy
the movie?"
And even though those movies were sexist or racist or
homophobic, I always felt sorry for ruining everyone else’s fun. I
usually ended up setting aside my hurt feelings and caring more
about everyone else’s.
There were so many times in high school when I wished I knew
nothing about gender issues. I hated having to argue with my
friends and classmates – and even teachers – each time they used
the words dyke or queer or Oriental.
I hated being the social activist. But, at the same time, I knew
I had to be.
Someone had to be the ultraradical, my U.S. history teacher told
me, or else nothing would change. All of the societal progression
that I believed in would not occur unless I spoke up about it,
unless I made other people angry. In doing so, I know I probably
even turned some people off, and made them even more politically
incorrect than before.
But unlike so many Asian American girls in my community, I
wasn’t going to allow myself to be silenced.
Yet, contrary to what most people thought, I wasn’t the biggest
social activist on campus. I couldn’t have been. Despite all the
feminism I preached, I was horribly sexist myself. I practiced the
objectification of women to a higher degree than even most guys I
knew. Aside from my ardent social agenda, I had another obsession:
my body image. Even though I was never heavy, I was convinced that
I would never be considered attractive unless I had the perfect
body. I felt guilty if I ate more than two meals a day. I’d always
skip breakfast, eat a banana for lunch, and then eat about five
spoonfuls of rice for dinner. I remember getting these severe
headaches all the time, and I also remember my tennis coach having
to pull me out of several matches because I would vomit between
games. When I couldn’t take the hunger pains anymore, I’d binge.
Then I’d feel guilty again, and the vicious cycle would go on.
Now that I think about it, there wasn’t a single period during
those years when I wasn’t dieting or weighing myself regularly.
It’s all so ironic: I, who preached the empowerment of women,
was also the one who objectified women more than anyone else I
knew. I think it had mostly had to do with the fact that I hated
all the unfair negative attention I was receiving. I wanted people
to think that I was more than the uptight, angry person I appeared
to be – or, rather, less than that. My efforts in encouraging
progression among my peers turned shallow because I took little
action in regard to myself.
Lack of responsibility is consistently what keeps us all from
progressing.
Most people seem to believe that feminism is just about angry
women taking total responsibility and about men letting go of it,
but in reality, it’s about everyone taking responsibility. It’s
about all individuals, female or male, taking complete control over
their respective domains and treating one another with the dignity
and respect that we each deserve as human beings.
Unfortunately, that’s too radical for most of society to
accept.