Friday, October 10, 1997
Alcoholism, my family secret
ALCOHOLISM: Family member’s illness teaches about alcohol’s
tragic consequences
By Malvi Chala
My name is Malvi. I’m not an alcoholic. But my grandfather was
and my brother is. You can stop reading now if you think that I
don’t have an authoritative voice on the matter. But alcohol kills
not only the people that consume too much of it; it also kills
people that don’t even touch it. I don’t think I am passionate
about many things but alcohol use and abuse among college students
is something we all see and interact with every day and I feel very
strongly about its adverse effects.
College students are reluctant to see the adverse effects of
alcohol on its peers. Every year people come to this institution of
higher learning and take their very first drink. Others have been
exposed to alcohol before but for the most part this "forbidden
fruit" is now available around every corner and it is widely
accepted. We can all do our own experiments and studies and try to
figure out how many students "drink no more than four drinks while
partying," but the fact remains that alcohol is a problem at every
university across this nation.
My own personal moment of clarity came when I learned that the
big brother that I idealized and revered ever since I can remember
was an alcoholic. I didn’t even know what that meant. My brother, a
drunk? My brother unable to live a day without wanting a drink of
alcohol? My brother who was studying at UCLA and whose role
modeling and good influence encouraged me to set foot on this
campus has a problem with alcohol? Things like this don’t happen to
my picture-perfect nuclear family from south Orange County.
We are a family of strong character and we are respected members
of our community. My Ozzie and Harriet parents are very proud of
their children who, as the storybooks would put it, all have
glowing futures ahead of them. So when my brother’s world came
crashing down on him and he was about to be kicked out of school a
few of the pictures I had painted for my family instantly
disappeared. If you hear it from my brother you would get a
different point of view. Maybe hearing it from him would deter some
of you from getting swept up in this poison we call beer, wine and
tequila I’ve seen so many of those "One tequila, two tequila, three
tequila, floor" shirts to make me sick to my stomach. It’s bad
enough that as college students we consume enough beer to feed an
army.
Glorifying the side effects of consuming too much alcohol isn’t
funny. OK, OK, so now you are all saying, "I only drink in
moderation. I got it under control." Do you? Do you have it under
control? You might think you do. The alcoholic is the last person
to realize he/she has a problem. So who are you to say you don’t
have a problem? I don’t think everyone that consumes alcohol is an
alcoholic. But I think anyone is capable of becoming an alcoholic.
Anyone who has doubts about fitting in, anyone who has
insecurities, anyone who fails a midterm or a class, anyone who has
flaws. Well, we all have flaws and we all can fall prey to
alcohol.
It’s so enticing. If mixed properly it doesn’t taste too bad and
once ingested we can relax and forget about all of the crap that’s
going on in our daily lives. We all want to kick back and relax
once in a while. We want to escape the drama we all live everyday.
That’s fine. Too bad we can’t do it responsibly and in
moderation.
Too bad I fear that one day I too will become a victim. For the
most part I avoid alcohol. I can’t say I never drink because that
would be a lie and lying isn’t one of my sins. I do steer away from
it and my friends can attest to that. I’m not trying to make myself
some sort of angel because I’m not an angel. I am just afraid for
all of us.
People who are alcoholics don’t see it coming. One day they wake
up (if they are lucky enough to wake up that day) and their life is
ruined. They have no friends and no family. Their only solace
coming from a bottle.
I don’t have the mind of an alcoholic. I don’t know what it’s
like to feel so empty and try to fill a void inside of me that can
really never be filled. I can’t say I’ve been at the lowest point
in my life. I can’t say I was thrown out of school because I was an
alcoholic. I can’t say I withdrew from two quarters of school
because I was so drunk I didn’t even know what I was doing. But
that happened to someone I care about. And it happened here at
UCLA.
He was an honor student upon entering UCLA (I think most of us
are) and after two years he found himself trying to find a place to
live and nothing but alcohol to comfort him. I don’t think UCLA is
immune from the bottle. I don’t want a dry campus, that isn’t
possible and to hope for such things is a waste of one’s time. I
would like to educate and let people know that social events don’t
have to be about consuming alcohol.
So now the two people who made it this far stopped reading
because I said you don’t need alcohol in a social setting. For
every story you tell me about a great time you had in a situation
involving alcohol I will tell you one from the opposite end of the
spectrum. "Drink till he’s cute" is only funny the first 500 times
you hear it.
When he tries to take advantage of you because neither one of
you can care for yourself it isn’t as funny. When your best friend
chokes on his own vomit because he passed out after his
twenty-first jell-o shot you won’t be laughing. When your daughter
is buried at the age of 18 because she was killed by a drunk driver
you won’t be laughing. When your mom goes to jail after being
convicted of vehicular manslaughter it isn’t funny anymore. We fail
to see the serious side of this disease until it happens to us.
I’ve never really told anyone that the reason I feel this way
about alcohol is because of my family. I don’t want to be judged
because of my personal experience. I don’t want people to listen to
what I have to say because I have been unfortunate enough to have
had a negative experience.
I want people to listen to me and others as if the stories
weren’t about people we know and love. I wish UCLA students could
see this as a problem of everyone our age. Not just those of us who
have lost someone because of alcohol. You might not think this
applies to you but it does. If you don’t think it does you
certainly will when someone very close to you discovers she/he is
an alcoholic.
It’s sad that most of you will learn the hard way but usually
that’s what it takes. It’s sad that some of you have had
experiences where alcohol was the problem but you failed to see it
as the catalyst. You are only fooling yourself.
The blatant misuse of this drug, (yes alcohol is a drug) is just
gross. I don’t know where you draw the line between recreational
alcohol use, situational misuse and blatant alcohol abuse. All I
know is my brother is a survivor. Yes, a survivor. He’s sober over
two years now. I don’t have a problem and I hope I never will. I
wish I could say that for sure. I think I am a survivor too and I
will continue to be.
After reading this you might be thinking of someone who could
have a problem. Don’t be afraid to confront that person and tell
them you are concerned about them. I encourage you to express your
care for that person. They might not listen the first time. They
might not listen the second time. They might never listen but you
have to try because you could save a life.
Or maybe you are the one with a problem. Don’t reject the people
that love you. They are confronting you because they care. Get
help. Not just for yourself but for those of us that can’t stand
the pain of watching you drink your life away. You aren’t
alone.