Friday, November 14, 1997
UCLA students and TAs
address protocol, ethics of dating each other By Michelle
Navarro
Daily Bruin Contributor
Finding a reason to attend class discussions may be difficult,
if not impossible. So when one is found, the best advice is to hold
on to it for dear life  unless that reason happens to be that
5-foot-11-inch, sparkle-eyed pillar of perfection, that other
students call "TA", standing at the chalkboard. If that is your
reason, you may have a problem.
At a large university like UCLA, the age gap between student and
educator in discussion groups is significantly smaller than it is
in previous levels of education, given that most teaching
assistants are graduate students.
Whereas this may be an advantage in some respects, it may also
prove to be a disadvantage, for example, when it comes to a little
thing called love.
Because the age difference is minor, situations that normally
take place between people of similar ages, like relationships,
could arise. Rumors of students dating their TAs are
ever-circulating the campus halls.
Michael Kantor was a TA for a drama class at UCSD. In an essay
he wrote, "Confessions of a Lonely TA," he discussed a struggle he
had in deciding whether or not he should date one of his
students.
"I started dialing Lisa’s number about 10 times. Something
stopped me from following through, and it wasn’t because I was
nervous. I guess I knew there was something wrong with a teacher
dating a student," Kantor said.
But, is such conduct accepted on sacred Bruin ground? Basically,
no.
In the 1996-97 handbook, there isn’t a specific statement
regulating such conduct between students and their TAs. All that is
addressed is sexual harassment and sexist behavior.
"The university respects the right of all employees to conduct
their private lives as they see fit, yet at the same time, dating
relationships between faculty/TAs and students, during the time of
the pedagogic relationship, are strongly discouraged," said Rhoda
Janzen, teaching-assistant consultant.
The gray area of going out with TAs is silently governed.
Representatives from Student Affairs in the department of biology
say that going out with a student is not allowed and that this is a
"professionally understood rule."
However, the Teacher’s Guide, according to Howard Gadlin,
university ombudsperson, applies to TAs as well, and does touch on
the subject.
Rather than actually prohibiting TA-student dating, the guide
says that "faculty members must understand that ‘romantic’ or any
kind of socio-sexual liaison with current students" can place the
student’s education and relationship with the educator in
jeopardy.
"TAs are in the process of learning how to be professionals, and
that means learning how to maintain a professional distance. They
need to learn that. It’s OK to make friends; you just need to keep
that distance," said Dana Rosenfeld, a sociology TA.
The guide describes in detail what could be compromised, should
the star-crossed lovers engage in a relationship. Mainly, it serves
as a warning to TAs instead of as a regulation.
One TA feels that a clear rule regarding romantic relations
between students and their teaching assistants should exist.
"It should be under regulation," Rosenfeld said. "The TA is in a
position to exert force on the student. It would be like having sex
with your boss. The TA has the power to alter the student’s grade
and education. The potential is there."
As opposed to student-student dating,, it’s a risky case because
there’s a question of motive. There are several possibilities. On
one side, a student could fabricate emotions in attempts to receive
a better grade, and on the other a TA may use his administrative
power to engage the student in a relationship.
"TAs have a certain power over a student," said Susan West, a TA
in the department of biology. "There’s an imbalance of power,
students have that over a TA as well."
When both parties are willing, other problems with regards to
bias and favoritism may surface.
"You can’t help but be biased towards someone you care about. It
would be highly unethical," said Katy Semple, a TA in the
department of biology.
"The TA has to answer to why a student got a certain grade. It’s
a much stickier situation," West said.
Another reason to think twice about dating a student would be
the possibility of a loss of respect from other students in the
class.
"The idea of my students seeing me as a sleazebag turned my
stomach. Their regard for me as a teacher was more important than
my desire to go out with Lisa," Kantor wrote in his account.
There are success stories where a TA and student dared to date,
with marriage sometimes as the result. One UCLA graduate dated a TA
who associated with her instructors, throwing her into a situation
where she socialized with other TAs as well.
"His friends were my TAs. It was a weird little circle. I don’t
think it made a difference, maybe they knew my name but that was
it," said Stephanie Gomez as she glanced at her engagement ring.
"It wouldn’t have made a difference had he been my TA; it wasn’t
like I was using him to get a better grade."
One of the more serious dangers of TA-student dating is the thin
line of separation between it and sexual harassment.
"Even if the TA doesn’t do it, the student is in a position to
accuse," Rosenfeld said.
Such surrounding dangers prompt many to suggest waiting to hook
up until the class has finished.
"At the very least the TA should wait until the student is not
in the class or even until the student has graduated," West
said.
"The quarter is not that long," Rosenfeld said. "Let them
wait."
In Kantor’s case, that’s exactly what he decided to do and
discovered that he wasn’t so appealing to Lisa without his TA
power.
"Nothing clicked," Kantor said.
"The desire was gone. Actually, my desire was there, but hers
had vanished along with my grade book."