Wednesday, January 21, 1998
Super Bowl points out pro sports’ inferiority
COLUMN College sports always come out on top in spirit, fun,
excitement
By Jared Hummel
With the excitement surrounding Sunday’s Super Bowl in San
Diego, it’s time to take a step back and really ponder what it is
we are so anxious about.
Yes, it’s the final game of the season and yes, it’s going to be
viewed by millions of people. However, let’s be honest. How many
great Super Bowls have we seen in the past 15 years?
Super Bowl Sunday is wonderful, I’ll admit: It is a day satiated
with alcohol, sloth and gluttony, hysterical commercials, gambling
and, last but not least – but definitely last – a football
game.
But please, don’t get the wrong idea. This is not another
critique of the "game of all games" – instead, it’s a column
criticizing pro sports in general. The assertion most commonly
uttered by pro sports advocates when responding to its supremacy
over the college game is: "why watch boys when you can watch men?"
The reasons are plentiful, but for the sake of brevity I’ll limit
my list to 11.
1. Aesthetics. College has the navy blue and gold of Notre Dame
and the intimidating maroon and gold helmets of Florida State,
while the NFL appears to be on a strict teal and black diet.
2. Rivalries. I realize that many will agree that the Raiders
hate the Chiefs or the Redskins hate the Cowboys, but really, the
only true rivalries exist between the owners and players (i.e., Al
Davis vs. Marcus Allen). College has brutal feuds, some close to
100 years old: Army-Navy, Alabama-Auburn, Michigan-Ohio State and,
of course, UCLA-USC. The NFL simply does not cause grown men,
women, children, dogs and cats to spend a Saturday afternoon
donning their school’s colors pointing fingers (not always the
index) across the field at other grown men, women, children, dogs
and cats.
3. Latrell Sprewell.
4. Lack of parity. Yeah, I know, you say parity is good for
sports and I agree with that – in part. But how often do you see
NBA fans storm the court or NFL fans tear down the goalposts after
an upset in the first month of the season? Answer: Never. In a
sport that is full of parity an upset isn’t really an upset. Case
in point: Compare the post-game festivities when Michigan upset
Duke in basketball this season, or when LSU knocked off Florida in
football, to the Indianapolis Colts beating the defending Super
Bowl champs.
5. Marge Schott.
6. Commentators. I know, there are many bad as well as good in
both college and pro sports, so let’s compare some of the top color
men in each sport. College has the tireless voice of Keith Jackson
with his famous renditions of "whoa, Nellie, this one’s shapin’ up
to be a barnburner!" or his references to the men in the trenches
as "the big uglies." Meanwhile, the NFL has John Madden with his
always enlightening "linemen butt sweat contests." College has the
energy and imagination of Dick Vitale with his "he’s aaawesome
baby" and his trademark "dipsy-do dunk-a-roo." The NBA has Marv
Albert.
7. Fans. College has the "Cameron Crazies" who stay up all night
to buy tickets for their beloved Blue Devils. During the game,
while wearing alternating blue-white-blue shirts, these guys will
jump up and down, producing the effect of a rolling sea. The NFL
has grown men who wear pieces of styrofoam in the shape of cheese
on their heads, and people who have to lift their gut out of the
way to find their fanny packs containing the money for their sixth
round of beer during the first half.
8. March Madness. A 64-team tourney which starts in the early
morning and ends in the late evening, in which games are being
played all over the country simultaneously until the dust clears,
leaving 32 standing – this is just the first round. In a 48-hour
period, the number of teams remaining drops from 64 to 16. Of
course, there are always the first-round upsets, like when
top-seeded South Carolina was shocked by 16th-seeded Coppin State
in last year’s tourney, or the game after which everybody outside
of the L.A. area rejoiced – the ’96 debacle in which Princeton
upset UCLA.
9. Motivation. College features students and athletes who
practice every day before and after attending class for the
privilege of playing the game they love. They receive no money
(usually) and play for one purpose: school pride. The pros have
salary arbitration and holdouts – you know, when a player chooses
to miss a series of games until he can reach a contract agreement
for the extra million. And we pay to see this guy?!
10. Fight songs.
11. Controversy. Last but not least, college football is plagued
with controversy. At face value this seems like a huge disadvantage
– but is it really? There’s the famous "east coast bias" among the
pollsters, where "Team ‘X’ didn’t deserve a spot over Team ‘Y’ in
this bowl or that one," and the question: "Who’s really better,
Michigan or Nebraska?" It’s these questions and arguments that keep
the sport so interesting. Everybody has an opinion on the subject.
This makes for an intriguing sport.
Hummel is a fifth-year English student and a Daily Bruin
Contributor. Responses should be addressed to
[email protected].