Friday, February 13, 1998
Valentine’s is for love, not profit
COMMERCIAL: Focusing on gifts makes one miss true meaning of
holiday
So here we are; it’s Friday the 13th. Definitely a fun day in
and of itself. But as we all know, the more important thing is that
it is Feb. 13. Yes, the eve of that great festival of flowers,
chocolate, little stuffed animals and heart-shaped candies known as
Valentine’s Day. Who can help but run out to the local store and
spend all of their money on your significant other? And why not?
This is the day of lovers, right?
I suppose before I go on I should put this disclaimer on this
column: The person writing this column is pretty socially lame and
until last week had not kissed anyone in many months, much less
actually seriously gone out with someone. So read with the
knowledge that I may be depressed, bitter and angry. I sure hope
that’s not the case but I figured y’all could decide for
yourselves.
Well, personally I don’t need one day set aside to tell anyone
that I love them. Why is this a need? I figure if you want to tell
someone you love them you should do it. Why wait until this one day
a year? What makes it so special? People, especially younger people
it seems, are constantly getting together and breaking apart;
having someone romantically on this date is nothing more than luck.
Why is it that things are supposed to somehow be better on this day
than other days?
All this is minor philosophical stuff. However, my really big
problem with this day of many hearts is the consumerism that goes
along with it. The big glaring message that is sent to all of us
seems to be, "If you love someone you have to prove it by buying
them lots and lots of stuff!" Admittedly, maybe this is slightly
better than the normal message of, "If you don’t buy all this stuff
then you are obviously a loser and will never enjoy life to the
fullest!" However just because one of these statements may be
slightly less reprehensible to me personally does not mean that
either one is an acceptable message to be sending to people.
Especially when the vast majority of the stuff being pushed on
people in both statements is pretty useless and doesn’t really
improve anyone’s quality of life.
We here in America (and I only say America because I have
absolutely no idea what things are like in other places) seem to
have let most of our holidays be completely consumed by this drive
to obtain more and more stuff which is of questionable value. In
the whole scheme of American holidays, Valentine’s Day is pretty
minor – look at some of the others – Christmas is the truly
disgusting one, and even birthdays to some extent have fallen
victim to this, "if you really cared about me you would have bought
me something" attitude. It’s become more important to buy people
things than to actually celebrate the holiday.
I don’t like the idea of any feeling having a price tag put on
it but love strikes an especially sore nerve with me. Not that I
necessarily believe or even want to believe in the idea of romantic
love which I have always been taught but I still like to keep my
emotions separate from economics. If someone can’t afford to buy me
a gift for Valentine’s Day or even if they could afford it but
thought the money would be best spent elsewhere, that doesn’t mean
they cared any less about me than if they had bought me a bunch of
flowers or something (although flowers are pretty cool). And
honestly I think that a good hug can say so much more than any gift
ever can.
Some people have said it’s not a good thing to express important
feelings only once a year or to express them in such a shallow and
materialistic way, but it’s better than nothing. We live in a
culture that is so lacking in communication and expression of real
emotion that even these gestures have to be an improvement. While
the point is well taken in regards to the general lack of caring
which we show to each other even (and possibly especially) to those
whom we care the most about, it seems to me that allowing for such
a pathetic expression of these emotions once a year tends to make
people feel like it is okay to only do it once a year. If once a
year is enough, then why should I ever make the effort to do it
more than that? What we should really be doing is attempting to
make every day a day in which we can truly express how we are
feeling and to hopefully allow others to do the same.
As long as our economic system is one which is based on trying
to get consumers to buy more and more things whether they need them
or not then producers and advertisers are going to use every means
at their disposal to get us to buy things. This may mean implying
that a woman is ugly if she doesn’t use a certain hair product, it
may mean implying that eating steak or driving a truck will make
you more manly, it may mean implying that people who wear a shoe
with a certain symbol on them are obviously great athletes just
like the people who are paid to advertise them or it might mean
implying that in order to really love someone you must buy them a
more expensive gift on Valentine’s Day this year than you did last
year.
So what is there for us little folk to do? In my opinion the
best way to combat this economic menace is to refuse to play the
game. Of course it is impossible to not be a consumer. Humans are
consumers by nature, we require certain things throughout our lives
in order to survive. This however does not mean that our lives must
revolve around more and more consumption as they so often seem to
do today. It’s been my experience that in general, having more
things doesn’t really make you happy. Being satisfied with what you
do have in terms of possessions has always seemed to be a much
better tool to finding happiness in my opinion.
Even more important though, are people. Relationships with
people can be much more interesting and rewarding than a material
object and people are simply more dynamic than, say, a television.
So my own way of dealing with things like obnoxious Valentine’s ads
and stores is to attempt to place more of an emphasis on the people
in my life rather than on things. So by all means I encourage you
to kiss someone on Valentine’s Day (especially me) just remember
that you can express love all year around without simply throwing
cash at someone.