Tuesday, March 10, 1998
March Madness begins early with ridiculous selection draws
COLUMN: UCLA faces long road while Arizona gets breezy walk in
park
I saw Ozzy Osbourne in concert once, and he started the show
saying, without a hint of irony, "Let the madness begin!"
Isn’t it interesting that a man who bit the head off of a bat
would talk about the madness getting ready to begin, like he wasn’t
already completely out of his gourd.
In this same vein, isn’t it strange to say that March Madness
begins with the first round of the NCAA tournament, because this
year’s iteration started the day the selection committee got
together to finalize the draw.
Let’s see, we win 22 games this season with an RPI of 13, and we
pull a six seed in the toughest region in the tournament.
Meanwhile, New Mexico, which plays in a weaker conference, finished
the season with a loss to UNLV, and has a home court called The
Pit, gets a fourth seed.
Oh yeah, when we played them this year in the Wooden Classic, we
beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of them, but they’re still the fourth
seed.
Sure, that decision was made by a well-adjusted person – yeah,
and Dick Vitale is actually really mellow.
Then there’s UCLA’s draw in the South Region, which immediately
brings two words to mind … oy ve!
The first time I saw this, I thought that maybe Ozzy had put in
a guest appearance with the committee, because someone involved has
a really sick sense of humor.
We pulled arguably the hottest team in the country in the second
round (Michigan), which has won six straight games, all by more
than 17 points, including the inaugural Big Ten Tournament.
They have a guy who is the size of the Bruin Bear in Westwood
Plaza, and who is nicknamed after a piece of heavy machinery. Just
what our front line needs.
Oh yeah, they’re also the best three-point shooting team in the
Big Ten.
Should we get past the sequel to "Maximum Overdrive" (that old
movie where machines run amok), our sturdy team faces the likes of
Kentucky and Duke before they even sniff the Final Four.
Are you absolutely kidding me right now?!
Yeah, it’s nice that we’re in the tournament and all that, but,
for the love of Pedro, this is just nuts!
But wait, there’s more, because the tournament committee hasn’t
had a chance to rub salt in the wound yet.
Shift your gaze over to the West Region, if you will, and tell
me what you see.
Here’s what I behold: top seeded Arizona with a bracket that’s
easier than Pamela Lee on a cruise.
It’s not enough that they beat us on our home floor and broke
our string of Pac-10 championships. No, leave it up to the
tournament committee to provide the final irony.
While the Bruins break their backs against the best in the
nation, the Cats’ future holds teams like Tennessee, Utah and
Cincinnati, not exactly tournament-tested powers.
If the Wildcats don’t make the Final Four with that red carpet
treatment, head coach Lute Olson should be forced to issue a formal
apology to the entire country, wherein he’ll admit he’s a terrible
coach and promise never to go to the Big Dance again.
So, instead of worrying about school or finals, sit down with
your bracket and pencil, because the madness has already begun, and
we’ve got some catching up to do.
Shapiro is a Daily Bruin staff writer and columnist. E-mail
responses to [email protected].