Monday, April 13, 1998
Tough task of job-hunting needs nerves of steel
COLUMN: Problems, fears about life after graduation elicit
screams of terror from seniors
Guess who’s back? Me! New and improved and now with Nutrasweet.
There are now less than three months left until graduation.
Seventy-six days to be exact. That’s 109,440 minutes; 6,566,40
seconds. Anybody else getting nervous?
It felt strange walking into my lecture last Monday and
realizing that it would be one of my last classes. I thought I was
going to break down. I almost hugged my professor, but I don’t
think he would have appreciated it. He’s British, you know.
Preparing to go out into the world has been a trip. There’s been
a whole lot of worrying, crying, ranting, raving, screaming and
praying – and that’s just from my loan officer! (Ba da ba
bump!)
Like most seniors, I began my ‘great job hunt’ at the start of
winter quarter. For those who are unaware, the ‘great job hunt’ is
the agonizing trial that every graduating senior who shudders at
the thought of spending two more years of their life in grad school
must endure in their pursuit of the elusive perfect career. There’s
nothing more complicated than trying to choose a career.
Jobtrak, the Career Center and the Alumni Network have become my
new best friends.
I’ve also been asking everyone I know for advice on job-hunting.
Everybody always seems to have all of the answers and opinions
about what I should do for the rest of life. I love asking friends
who are staying on as fifth-year seniors what kind of career would
be best suited for me after I graduate.
"Work at the Coop!" one said.
Not exactly my life dream, but there are fringe benefits, such
as the opportunity to interact with students, watch soap operas all
day long and the thrill of being able to hassle every single
customer to see if they’re a UCLA student or not.
"So you say you’re a student, eh? Prove it! How late is Powell
open ’til? When do financial aid refunds get disbursed? Tell me the
sequence of numbers you have to punch in to get grades off of URSA.
Recite the numbers of your Student ID number backwards. Very good,
you may now purchase your fries without paying tax, and have a nice
day."
But like I said before, not exactly an optimal career move.
"Be a stripper!" a good friend suggested.
Okay, maybe I didn’t make it clear, but I want to make money. I
want to get women, not scare them away. And I did not spend four
years breaking my back for my bachelor’s degree in Psychology just
to shake my booty on stage and give people the full monty.
How would I explain it to my parents?
"Um … what am I going to do after college? Just three words,
Mom: nudes, nudes, nudes."
Oh, the pandemonium that would ensue! And besides – g-strings
make me chafe.
It’s tough trying to find the right job for yourself after you
graduate. You have to think about all of those little
considerations before sending out your resume to a prospective
employer, like:
Location: Will I be able to bask on a Florida beach, soak up the
glorious rays of the hot sun year-round, on my days off, and
carouse with young golden people of the female persuasion? Or will
I be situated in a place like North Dakota, where the winters are
long, brutal and colder than an O-chem professor’s heart and my
nearest neighbor is Farmer Billy Bob?
Salary: Will I be driving fast cars, wearing Armani suits and,
in general, making bucks, or will work-study students still be
making more money than me as I drive to work in my souped-up Pinto
and slave away in an irregular Men’s Wearhouse suit?
Nature of work: Will this be the type of job where my boss won’t
mind if I’m a few minutes late and knock off an hour for lunch, or
will it be the type of job where I’ll be getting up before the
buttcrack of dawn to make sure that I don’t get caught in traffic
and I only get 15 minutes to eat my paper-bag lunch?
Co-workers: Are these individuals like myself, who are young,
aspiring, fun, carefree and overall cool people to work with – or
are they the freaks of society? You know, the ones who have been
working the same job that their uncle, the boss, got them a
kajillion years ago. The ones who know they could never get another
job, except for maybe as test subjects for abnormal psychology
research.
So many considerations to think about, so much pressure to make
it big, to live large.
I hate talking about my situation to friends who are also
graduating. They’re the ones who have spent the past four years
preparing themselves for life after college, and have already
landed those fantastic $50,000-a-year, entry-level jobs. All I ever
hear is "signing bonus" this and "company car" that. All happy and
rarin’ to go. Makes me want to barf.
Freakin’ dorks.
Not that I’m bitter or anything. It’s just so frustrating to sit
around and wait for a prospective employer to call after you’ve
sent them a resume. You spend a lot of time thinking, "Was the fax
machine working right? Should I call them or will I seem too eager?
What could be taking so long? Are they wondering why my GPA wasn’t
on there? Oh my God, they’re probably doing a background check and
have found the ‘D’ I got in that comm studies class! I’m screwed!
Or maybe I just suck. That’s why they didn’t call! I just suck!"
Aaauugghh!
I’m not worried about interviewing; that’s always been a breeze
for me. I mean, come on – you get to sit alone with a bunch of
people and talk about yourself. For hours. And they can’t escape.
They must listen. Hee, hee!
No, what I worry about is the possibility that no one will call
me for an interview. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing!
"Um, Mom and Dad? Thanks for all of your support in regards to
this UCLA education and stuff, but I’ve decided that rather than
wasting my life away on a career or something, I’d come back and
live for free off of you until you die or you kill me."
Maybe I just worry too much. It’s my nature. Can’t help it.
I actually look forward to graduation and my future. Life was
good here at UCLA, but I’m ready for something new, for the chance
to apply my vast knowledge. I just hope someone will give me the
chance.
Preferably, someone with a $35,000 entry-level position and a
nice signing bonus! Well, we can all dream.
Good luck to all of you hunters out there.Jesse Torres