Wednesday, June 3, 1998
Lessons learned from a Bruin for life
LEAVING: Upcoming graduation brings dread of losing student
status, reflections of UCLA, fear of facing real world
Looking at the calendar, I realized it is week nine. Week nine
in my last quarter at UCLA. This is my last column. After today,
I’ll be a "former Viewpoint columnist." I "used to" write for The
Bruin.
Where has this quarter gone? Where have the last five years
gone? Unbelievable. It seems like I have been gearing up for
graduation for the last five years and now that it is here I don’t
know what to do with myself. Graduation has always seemed like a
distant date, kind of like the year 2000 (which is only 19 months
away), more conceptual than tangible. Being faced with the reality
of something that never seemed real in the first place is a strange
– disturbing, actually – predicament to be in.
I am a bit (read: very) apprehensive to give up my student
status. It seems to me that being a student is synonymous with
untapped or unrealized potential, the promise of great things to
come. Being able to identify oneself as a student is like saying,
"I’m in school right now, but I’m going to do great things when I
graduate." And now that I’m getting out I don’t know if I’m up for
the challenge of accomplishing great things.
And then there’s the topic of getting a degree. I always thought
of a degree, a college degree, as being something special.
Something that said you amassed a lot of knowledge in a particular
field and had a higher level of understanding on a topic. I’m about
to get two degrees and I really do not feel like I know enough
about either of my fields (English and psychology) to warrant
getting a bachelor’s degree. (Hope my respective departments aren’t
reading this.) However, I now know how little other people with
bachelor’s degrees really know. But then again, my education has
been about so much more that what I’ve learned in class. I think my
real education has been through what I’ve learned about myself and
other people. About being my own person, about what I can handle
and what I can’t. Too many personal lessons to list here, but I’m
not getting a degree in advanced Ann studies, which is what I know
best. Maybe I don’t feel like I know a bachelor’s degree worth of
English and psychology, but I think I’ve definitely gotten an
education.
In addition to not feeling like I know enough to be graduating,
I feel like I’ve just gotten the hang of things here at UCLA. It’s
kind of like when I took one of those dance classes at the Wooden
Center (in which I lasted about two classes). Just when I got the
hang of the first step, they added something new. I’m starting to
think I’m just resistant to change, but then again, maybe not.
I still intend to hang onto my student ID to reap the benefits
it can bring: discounts, discounts, discounts. Don’t get confused;
I’m not relinquishing my student status peacefully, I’m holding
onto it for dear life as long as I can.
Which brings me to another point that I wonder about in regards
to my ambivalence about graduation: Am I trying to hold onto my
student status because it is really so great or because it is
comfortable and familiar at a time when everything seems to be
changing at an exponential rate? I’ve been at UCLA for five years
and being a Bruin (not in the "go team" kind of way but in the
sense of identity and being part of something larger than yourself
kind of way) has been a big part of who I am or should I say who I
was? No matter what sort of propaganda the Alumni Association
attempts to sell you about being a Bruin for life, you and I both
know there is a difference between saying "I go to UCLA" and "I
went to UCLA." I think that a lot of experiences and events that
have happened in the last five years have shaped the person I am
today, for better or for worse.
When I start pondering this, I start thinking about my time at
UCLA and get a little nostalgic. (That’s right, the bitter
columnist has both a heart and a sentimental side. Please don’t
tell anyone, it’ll ruin my image.)
I start thinking about all the things I’ve done and experienced
at UCLA as well as all the things I haven’t done and experienced at
UCLA. Here’s the take home message of the column: Whatever you mean
to do or want to do at UCLA – whether it be taking a class outside
of your field, asking someone out, calling an old friend from your
first year in the dorms, going to an event you wouldn’t normally go
to – just do it (not in the Nike way so much, but you know what I
mean). To quote Dr. Seuss, a great man with a lot of insight, "If
you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is
good."
You’ve probably been telling yourself, I’ll get around to it;
I’ve got nothing but time. Which is true up to a point. You do have
time and with that comes a responsibility of sorts. Out of all of
the things in life that are uncertain, you know how much time you
have at UCLA (within 2 years or so, eh?). Use it wisely. Think
about how quickly the time you’ve spent at UCLA has gone by so far.
Think globally about your UCLA experience, not about how slowly
time seems to go when you’re in the class you hate.
Granted, life after graduation could be much better than life as
student. Being able to come home and not worry about having to read
or avoiding homework and having money. But then again, going to
work isn’t optional, while attending class can be seen as a
personal decision to be made based on a number of individual
factors, including, but not limited to, the weather (if it’s
raining too hard, perhaps it’s better to stay home; if it’s a
really nice day it seems almost criminal to waste it in class),
whether I went out the night before and would probably sleep in
class anyway (if that’s the case, I might as well stay home and be
comfortable in my own bed). Somehow, I do not see any of these
options or rationales being acceptable in the "real world." I am
not eager to give up having Fridays off or cutting short my
attempts to schedule class only two days a week.
Perhaps it’s the phrase "real world," which is often used in a
threatening manner. The "real world" does not appear to be a nice
place. It’s no wonder I don’t want to enter it. "You’re lucky Ann,
they’re not going to put up with this in the ‘real world.’" Or "You
think you’ve got it bad now, just wait until you’re in the ‘real
world,’ then you’ll see how lucky you were." Yikes. This does not
sound fun, but here I go. In just a few short weeks I’ll be in the
real world (actually, a few months since I am going to summer
school).
Thanks for reading, best of luck.