Monday, August 10, 1998
Be courteous or C.S. Lewis will run you down
TRAFFIC: Irritable L.A. drivers exhibit classic symptoms of
dreaded, incurable "road rage"
Sanity is a precious commodity in this world. It calms us in
moments when that bastard in the Camaro cuts us off and a shotgun
is nowhere in sight. Eventually that red haze of anger will clear,
and we can continue on our merry way on the streets and freeways of
Los Angeles.
Apparently, I didn’t see the sign that reads, "Welcome to the
City of Angels where everyone drives like hell-spawn and some carry
firearms."
A sad Catch 22 exists for those (un)fortunate enough to live in
the land of smog and money. For some reason, one must have a car in
Los Angeles. Because of this necessity, people grow attached to
their vehicles, giving rise to this car culture Angelenos have.
(Some people actually name their cars. For example, a certain Honda
Civic is named "Portishead.")
In addition to our affinity for cars, the freeways of Los
Angeles are blessed with gridlock. What occurs when you mix
hundreds of thousands of cars with the already ugly gridlock caused
by either an accident or CalTrans road construction? Things get
personal. Suddenly the freeway becomes a huge stack parking venue
where we are our own valets. Those middle-finger raising,
profanity-shouting, red-faced L.A. drivers of lore become a
reality.
Occasionally, I brave the commute from behind the Orange Curtain
(also known as Orange County) to Los Angeles. Typically, this drive
takes 45 minutes, but during rush hour it takes nearly an hour and
a half. No matter how early I drag myself out of bed, I manage to
stack park my car on the 5, 10 and 405 freeways.
Imagine motoring along at a good five mph, at seven in the
morning, trying to make it to school by nine. Miles ahead are
like-minded individuals stuck in their cars trying to relax by
listening to the radio or staring out into the sky. Unfortunately,
every radio station has at least one morning show personality who
sends an annoying laugh to thousands of irritable drivers. This
high frequency cackle can be the catalyst to send someone over the
edge.
Traffic alone does not spark the fuel to ignite what the media
calls "road rage." Any sort of minor injustice caused on the road,
freeway or parking lot can contribute to a sudden outbreak. Cut
someone off, steal a parking space, turn left or right at the last
minute without signaling, leave your left or right blinker flashing
for hours, cut two lanes of traffic so you don’t miss that turn,
weave in and out of traffic at 100 mph and please don’t forget to
show your pass (the middle finger) while you do all these
things.
Guest commentator, dead writer dude C.S. Lewis, will give his
take on these and other such violations of etiquette from "Mere
Christianity."
(Why Mr. Lewis? He makes a good point regarding the general
disparity between what we intend to do and what we actually do.
This applies to driving and life in general – besides he seems like
an interesting fellow.)
C.S.- "Now what interests me about all these remarks is that the
man who makes them is not merely saying that the other man’s
behavior does not happen to please him. He is appealing to some
kind of standard of behavior which he expects the other man to know
about. And the other man very seldomly replies, ‘To hell with your
standard.’"
J.S.- "Mr. Lewis, I’m not a man. I may be a tomboy, but that
doesn’t mean that …"
C.S. – "Quarreling means trying to show that the other man is in
the wrong. And there would be no sense in trying to do that, unless
you and he had some sort of agreement as to what Right and Wrong
are …"
J.S. – "I suppose, but you shouldn’t carelessly throw around
pronouns like that. By the way, what does C.S. stand …"
C.S. – "These, then, are the two points I wanted to make: first,
that human beings all over the earth have this curious idea that
they ought to behave in a certain way and cannot really get rid of
it and secondly, that they do not, in fact, behave in that
way."
J.S. – "Thank you for your insight Mr. Lewis. I think I should
let you go back to your radio broadcast now."
It’s interesting how we have this concept about the rules of the
road, which is basically the golden rule of reciprocity. Ideally,
if everyone behaves by the rules, everyone benefits. The truth is
that we basically care about our own personal needs on the road. My
destination seems more important to me than Mr. Camaro’s. So when
that bastard cuts me off, a little more of my patience burns away.
I think certain thoughts, but I don’t act on them. Sanity steps in
and reminds me that a college education is fairly pointless in
prison.
The scary reality about road rage is how it may manifest itself.
The possibilities seem endless. The media spares us from having to
imagine them – you can see the effects of road rage everyday on
television . So you cut off a harmless-looking Asian woman, who
cares? It happens all the time.
Sometimes people have spent all their sanity right before you
cut them off. It is quite likely that these people will merely
greet you with their lovely middle finger or by a deviation of a
four-letter word, but sometimes they retaliate by more physical
means. (Not that I would do such things.)
How would you feel if someone waved a gun in your face? Los
Angeles may be an odd place, but that isn’t an L.A. mating ritual
(yet). If a traffic altercation progresses to this point, it may be
time to pray or do whatever you do in such situations.
No matter how many incidents of road rage appear on the news,
the inconsiderate behavior persists. Once you step into a car, does
it take over your mind and force you to desire 30 points if you hit
that dog? (Insert evil, maniacal laughter here.)
I’m sure some people find humor in the flattened remains of
Fluffy The Wonder Cat and other odd sorts of road kill.
Perhaps you subscribe to the stereotype that women, and more
specifically Asian women, have a hand in this road rage madness.
Rumor has it that women don’t drive as well as men. (I mean driving
is obviously in the genetic profile of men. Look at how well they
play golf and other such things. I’m damn impressed. Odd how
women’s insurance rates are lower than men’s.)
Last year, on a local talk radio station, a female host
commented on her struggles of driving in Koreatown to get to work.
She dedicated an entire hour to the topic of Asian Drivers. The
overall sentiment of her mostly male callers that night was that if
you’re driving in Koreatown, you might as well just go to the Santa
Monica Pier and ride the bumper cars – supposedly, Asian women
can’t drive even if their lives depended on it.
I can’t speak for an entire nationality, but I know quite a bit
about my own driving style. Take a look at the mug shot that
accompanies this column. That’s the profile of a driver you should
avoid at all costs. (So now she can avoid traffic with
Portishead.)
The only tool that those who cut others off have to thwart would
be road-ragers is the courtesy wave. Don’t forget to add the "I’m
so sorry" look, which should help defuse a tense situation.
Anything else you want to add C.S.?
C.S. – "There is nothing progressive about being pigheaded and
refusing to admit a mistake. And I think that if you look at the
present state of the world, it is pretty plain that humanity has
been making some big mistakes."
My thoughts exactly. Good luck and happy driving.
Sohn is a fifth-year anthropology and political science student
who is currently debating Christianity with C.S. She can be reached
at [email protected].