Thursday, October 15, 1998
Give students condoms instead of runaround
CONDOMS: Prudish high school classes poorly address adolescent
hormones
By Alon Frydman
The morning comes with its rude awakening. The thoughts roll in
slowly as you soon realize that you forgot to do your Spanish
homework and you have to run two miles in P.E. today.
A brush of the teeth and you start checking for zits in the
mirror, hoping that giant whitehead you murdered last night hasn’t
come back from the dead. Some breakfast, a few yells from your mom
asking how the hell they let you wear that at school and off you
are to encounter yet another barrage of high school’s three R’s:
reading, writing and sex.
Did I get that last R wrong? Well, some would say, "Yes," but
the times we live in today say, "No."
Sex education starts, and the teacher’s heart pounds as words
spray over the class: "Yes, boys and girls, today’s lesson will be
about the birds and the bees and why the bees have to wear a hat on
their stinger if they don’t want it to fall of. Here’s the catch,
since you are all young bees and birds. We don’t know if the birds
are ready to build a nest and we don’t know if the bees are ready
to spew honey, so hats are available only with parent or counselor
consent."
Sounds like they’re trying to prevent some wack speciation
disaster, so what does this have to do with us?
If you haven’t figured out what the hell I’m talking about,
that’s great because neither do the students in high school who get
this vague terminology and red tape.
What we’re talking about here is the whole issue of condoms in
high school: if they should be given to students, at what age and
under what specific circumstances.
So let’s do this. First, they’re not birds and we’re not bees,
so stop this whole "National Geographic" crap and let’s hear the
real stuff (like that really cheesy guitar music in the
background). Second, if you are weak at heart, very conservative or
afraid of influencing young, fragile minds, I urge you to form a
circle with all those like you, hold hands and scream at the top of
your lungs, "People actually have sex in high school."
If this still doesn’t float your boat, you’ll just have to get
over it because other people are getting up on it.
I’m sorry, but whoever decided to bring about the Mr. Rogers
attitude toward condom distribution just wasn’t thinking. Instead
of talking openly with students about sex, the whole issue is given
this really soft approach that avoids the graphic nature of this
natural act.
As for things such as anal sex, oral sex and gay sex, that just
"doesn’t happen" according to those folks. It’s like they’re up
there singing venereal disease nursery rhymes such as, "Jack and
Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, when Jack rolled
down he broke his crown and Jill got gonorrhea."
If you’re a teacher or administrator, you’re not going to be
able to stand in front of an assembly of ninth graders and be
vague.
Let’s get something straight. Kids, as you call them, know more,
have done more and are more flexible than you could ever imagine,
so you can take the images you hope for and replace them with the
reality you deny.
We have allowed this topic of "should we or shouldn’t we
distribute condoms in high school" to drag for so long that it’s
become one of those gray things that people can’t solve like, "Hmm,
pro-choice or pro-life," "Hmm, evolutionism or creationism," and
the always classic, "Hmm, unleaded or super-unleaded?"
Here’s the answer to all of them: you decide, you decide, you
decide.
That’s right, just as you have the ability to decide, so do
they. This perception that high schoolers cannot think on their own
and that they are irresponsible lends to the arguments of both
sides.
Some say that they don’t bother to think of everything so let’s
help them by giving them a means of protection while others say
that they would have never thought of having sex if the condoms
weren’t passed out.
Parents scream that their children aren’t responsible enough to
have sex, while the other side says that they are just having
irresponsible sex. The politicians say that by making condoms
available, we’re saying it’s OK to have sex.
No, we’re saying, "Here’s a free condom; if you’re going to have
sex, use it." If not, don’t throw the water balloons at your
teacher.
But, what about the influence on the fragile minds? Well, we’re
not really the ones who you envision to soil and foul the flowery
minds of your children.
Television teases us with the Oral Office via satellite. Fashion
hugs our figures in an attempt to amplify and define our bodies.
And the radio deafens us with the beckoning of "Corn nuts to bust a
nut."
All I’m saying is with such a big spill bound to happen, let’s
give people something to keep the mess to a minimum. By the way, if
you really want to send letters to anyone, send them to "Baywatch"
or "Breastwatch" or whatever that show with David Hasselhoff is
called now, because pretty soon kids might start to think that
every lifeguard makes them want to have sex. But even they use a
wet suit, just not the one we’re talking about.
In short, we should make the condoms – and the instructions on
how to use them – available to all those who want them. We should
have a designated place on school grounds where students can come
and take as many condoms as they may need without having to go to
get approval from anyone.
It should be as simple as coming by, reaching in and taking
them. There should be no signing of a parental consent form. There
should be no going to the nurse to get a form to give to the
counselor to go back to the nurse to get two measly condoms and put
your name on some approved list.
These are condoms, not passports. If you want to get into
another country, you need a visa, a ticket and you have to want to
go there. This is just to keep you safe when entering into a
hostile situation; it’s like a portable embassy. The goal is not to
scare kids away from the idea of safety, nor is it to turn them on
to sex. It’s to give them an opportunity to make a decision later
on if they have to.
With the majority of adolescents beginning to experiment around
the time of puberty, many people try to find an age to start dating
or to have sex. These are the people we should afford this
protection to. As far as who should foot the bill, the answer is
that there are enough organizations out there that are willing to
donate enough rubbers to build a Trojan horse and Sheik enough to
fit anyone’s lifestyle, whether they see themselves as a Magnum or
Ramses.
A condom is not a surefire guarantee for having sex, and if it
were, guys would stop trying to buy girls drinks and simply offer
them condoms. Either that or the saying would have to be changed to
"It’s not the length or the width – it’s the brand."
Don’t forget that despite all the screaming back and forth,
somewhere in a classroom someone is glancing over to the other side
of the room at that person who seems to have that something about
him or her. As the teacher babbles some junk about how interesting
it is to take the first derivative of the slope to the tangent
line, the mind begins to drift. With the mind drifting, the
emotions stir.
Time takes its course and two people find themselves at the
doorstep of sex. When entering into a realm of such experimentation
and emotion, a place that stimulates so many aspects of the psyche
and the body, it’s important that we don’t lose sight of our
well-being.
There’s a bottom line in every situation. Whether we want to try
and run away from the issues, whether we want to continue to be
passive, or whether we cannot realize the situation – it is real.
Adolescents are having sex. We give our children life and they
appreciate it. We give our children shelter and they take it. We
give our children love and they return it, but when we give our
children a responsibility they must choose it.
Think back to your time in high school, when that mysterious fog
seemed to melt your perceptions with the realities you didn’t
see.
Think of the time you walked into situations blinded by this
fog, knowing you didn’t know where the next step would lead. As it
seemed to get thicker, making every breath harder, you became
unsure of every movement. The fog surrounded you and offered every
direction at every instant.
Instead of looking out at this world of suggestion, you looked
in, at who you were, and at what you stood for – you trusted
yourself. Amidst the fog, messages flashed before your eyes,
slogans called out from the distance, and hands offered directions
to which the ends were not known.
Yet, somehow two people meet in the middle of this doubtful
world full of voices still echoing in madness and directions still
pointing to confusion.
All that is known for sure is one’s character, one’s will, and
the means with which to do what is right for them.
We all walk through this fog as part of life.
The voice inside is the voice that guides, and the decisions we
make are our own. Yet, with eyes closed, hearts racing and emotions
burning within, the protection we seek should be at hand.Alon
Frydman
Frydman is writing on behalf of the Student Welfare
Commision.
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