Tuesday, December 1, 1998
Love will prove cynics wrong
MARRIAGE: Contrary to article’s argument, relationships are not
necessarily all a waste of time
By Ryan D. Hagey
After reading the title and lead of Alicia Roca’s article,
"Women, quit thinking men – think bigger" (Viewpoint, Nov. 24), I
knew her views would be the antithesis of mine. Throughout the
article she imposed her experiences and misconceptions upon others,
which prompted me to write a response.
I was thoroughly appalled by her blatant disregard for the
sacred bond of marriage and her lack of understanding as to what
love is truly about. Given that we do live in a society where
divorce is quite common and that women are held to a different
standard (though, as can be seen by sections of corporate America,
this double standard is hopefully subsiding), her attitude is not
surprising. However, her idea that goals relating to self-interest
and career aspirations should be held above marriage and personal
fulfillment runs contrary to everything that I believe in. The most
wonderful aspect of life is spending it with someone you truly love
and who loves you. I have been in a relationship with an absolutely
amazing woman for the past four and a half years. We have a long
distance relationship but always find time in our very hectic
schedules to be with each other. This commitment and our bond have
made both of us stronger people, and our love has been the
catalyst.
Neither one of us is starving for career opportunities, yet I
know we will both find career-paths that are rewarding and
lucrative. But the greatest joy that we will find will be in our
marriage and our time together, and should either of our careers
jeopardize that time or take away from the family that is so
important to us, we will abandon that career. Roca remarked that
she is not "particularly enthralled with children." This is a
tragic statement; the absolute pride and happiness that a curious,
loving child brings to his or her parents is more special than any
success that can be attained in the workplace.
My manager this past summer had it right. Even though he has had
many successes in his career, he acknowledges the fact that the
most rewarding part of his life is his family, and readily admits
that the joy he receives from his work pales in comparison to that
of raising his children.
Roca’s experiences may have been very different from mine. While
it may be in her best interest to put self-interested goals over
love and family, such actions are unhealthy and misplaced for many
others.
Furthermore, by relating the life of a housewife to slave labor,
Roca attacks many women who are incredibly successful in the
"career" that they chose – to take care of and provide for their
family. I’m sorry that Roca’s experiences with her friend and
neighbors – and their comments about how she is expected to behave
in her relationships – have led her to forget how important love is
to so many people, men and women alike.
She should not impose such cynical views on others. Many of us
know that there is no greater aspiration in life than to give
yourself to the one you love – and to feel absolute happiness by
knowing that they love you.
This is my aspiration and I will not let my life be judged by
the title on my business card, but rather by the commitment and
love that I plan to bestow upon my family.
Comments, feedback, problems?
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