There has been much discussion regarding San Francisco’s
Pac Bell Park, the newest gem among baseball stadiums. Last week, I
got my chance to check things out first-hand, and I must say that
while I was impressed, I can’t wait for the last feature.
Pac Bell Park is not only a great place to watch a game,
it’s a great place to sit out in the sun and spend an
afternoon. Though San Francisco is windy, the conditions at Pac
Bell Park are a far cry from nights at Candlestick Point, where
blankets and hot chocolate were valuable commodities to be hoarded
and bartered for precious metals.
My excursion started off by running to catch a ferry boat, which
was overcrowded and took 45 minutes to arrive in the city; but
it’s painless compared to commuting via car or bus.
Once inside, I realized just how nice the stadium is. Sitting in
the arcade in right field (just under the foul pole), I could hear
the snap of the catcher’s mitt. In fact, during the game I
could hear a player call for a fly ball in left field.
Aside from the game on the field, there are many distractions in
the stands. They seem gimmicky, but a giant glove and coke bottle
give personality to a ballpark. Pillars in the outfield spraying
water like geysers after a home run is also a neat effect.
But the best amenity at Pac Bell Park has yet to be added. Sure,
the garlic fries are delicious, but the lines require sacrificing
two innings of game action. No, the best part of Pac Bell Park
would happen after a home run landing in the bay, over by
McCovey’s Cove.
There was a plan in place that involved training Portuguese
Terriers (Water Dogs, patent pending) to swim out into the bay to
collect the souvenir horse hides. Having these dogs collecting the
balls would not only allow stadium officials to keep track of balls
from landmark events, but it would also cut down on boating traffic
behind the stadium, not to mention giving fans something to ogle
over.
But by far the best part of having the Portuguese pooches
policing the pond would be the stadium announcement of,
“Release the hounds!” If my life consisted of that one
moment alone, I would be happy.
Some have argued that it is inhumane to subject the dogs to such
low temperatures in the waters of the bay. Having experienced it
first hand, I do concede it is not that warm. But during the summer
months, the water in the Bay is as warm as it gets all year.
Especially in the (yes, I have to say it) Dog Days of August.
And if the dogs are still too cold, simply give the dogs wet
suits (I swear they do exist; I’ve seen these myself) to wear
to protect them from the elements. I can see it now: sponsored dogs
racing out into the waters to collect a Barry Bonds blast.
Announcers could handicap the action, allowing for one more side
bet.
“Purina dog chow in the lead, slightly ahead of Dupont.
Tostitos dog coming in from the outside, but it’s Purina all
the way!”
Anyone who has had the pleasure of witnessing the dog challenge
circuit is well aware of just how talented these pups are. I have
seen dogs leap 20 feet into a pool to collect a chew toy, and have
seen others race around an obstacle course with the grace and
agility reserved for mammals with four legs on the ground.
This could give rise to a new ballpark phenomenon ““ The
Water Dogs. They could not only work the ballpark, but also go to
charity fund-raisers and autograph sessions. The Water Dogs could
work with underprivileged youths and establish a shelter for
runaway puppies.
Alright, alright ““ maybe I’ve gone a little
overboard. But aside from any philanthropic possibilities, the
Water Dogs would liven up the game. These Dogs could add an air of
excitement to the new park, and give something utterly San
Francisco to baseball.
In Golden Gate Park, you see dogs chasing down frisbees. At
halftime of 49er football games, dogs frequently come out onto the
ground to show off their skills.
The time has come to add such classic canine competition to
America’s pastime. And what is more patriotic than
man’s best friend happily retrieving a baseball, and getting
a pat on the head and racing stripes in return.
Water Dogs sure would beat the pants off the dot race.
Denicke is busy training his legion of faithful Water Dogs,
waiting for Pac Bell Park to call. Feel free to drop him a line at
[email protected].