I’m easy. And guess what all you other white girls out
there? You are easy, too. I know, I know. It’s a disturbing
realization, isn’t it?
You see, I received this poignant insight last quarter in a
sociology class I took on racism. This class could best be
described as four hours a week of sometimes profound, occasionally
redundant and often eye-opening dialogue. Members of the UCLA
student body exchanged ideas, pointed fingers and told life stories
about how race and racism have affected our experiences growing up
in this society. And when the subject of interracial dating took
the floor, I was impressed by the magnitude of opinions held by
some of my peers. It was brought to my attention that some (and
please note the word “some”) women of color ardently
oppose men of their own race dating outside their race.
One such rationalization for this is the belief that the mass
media have conditioned men to see white women as the pinnacle of
beauty. And you know what, I can get behind this. It is hard enough
for me to look through those sadistically hip fashion magazines
because I will never be six feet tall, and I will always have my
share of … shall we call them, curves.
So I can’t imagine what it’s like to rarely see
women who share my skin color presented as beautiful in the media.
And so, quite understandably, some women of color feel that they
have been given the short end of the stick when they see their men
abandoning their race to chase the ideal white girls the mass media
have convinced them are the apex of desire. Sure, I would be pissed
off too.
But these women lost me when they continued to justify their
aversion to interracial dating by also relaying to us that the
other reason some men of color prefer white women is because white
girls are easy. And not only are we easy, but apparently we
aren’t as headstrong or opinionated either.
Looking down at my freckled hands it is pretty hard to deny that
I am of European, vanilla descent and so, by God, that means I must
be easy. And I am obviously not very opinionated either, right? But
you know what? I am not going to sweat it, because my pasty-skinned
sisters and I are not the only group that has failed to throw off
the shackles of being stereotyped.
Because, let’s face it. We all know that the only reason
women outside of the African American race want to date black men
is because they tend to be generously endowed. And don’t even
get me started on the prowess of Latin lovers, because I promise
you this: it keeps me up at nights. And of course, who can deny
that the only reason men who aren’t Asian want to date Asian
women is because they are docile and just aching to wait on the men
in their lives.
And seriously, what woman doesn’t want a virile Italian
with machismo coursing through his veins to put her in her place?
And let’s be honest, the only reason a white man has ever
brought a black girlfriend home to meet his parents is to shock
them into missing at least three weekends of golf at the country
club.
Are you offended yet? I can keep going if necessary. But I think
I will stop here, because if you haven’t picked up on the
oh-so-subtle sarcasm running rampant throughout the previous
paragraphs it would probably be better if I took a different
approach to addressing this issue.
So the point is, all things considered, I have little right to
get upset about being stereotyped. Because when it comes down to
it: white women are probably on the more fortunate side of the
spectrum, when it comes to being categorized and pigeon-holed
according to how much sunlight our skin reflects. But I am not
through with the issue of interracial dating quite yet.
Thanks to my parents, I have always toiled to accept worldviews
and mind-sets other than my own as equally legitimate and important
““ even if I do not always understand them. And because I
realize that minorities growing up in this country have, at some
point in their lives, been affected by the institutionalized racism
our society both denies and justifies in the same breath, I can
understand that one way some people of color combat this prejudice
is by cultivating their own racial pride and solidarity. And of
course, one means of accomplishing this end is to date exclusively
within one’s own race.
Furthermore, I can also admit that there is an undeniably
discernable, troubling trend among the rich and famous in which
many successful men of color forsake women of their own race for
white women in order to better drive home that they have, in fact,
“made it.”
But is that really always the case? I mean, what about love?
Are we all ready to declare that there is no chance that any of
these couples may actually and truly love each other? I don’t
know about you, but I am not willing to unconditionally proclaim
that all interracial couples are primarily attracted to each other
because of the values and labels we have attached to each
other’s skin colors. Nor am I willing to assert that just
because someone dates outside of their race, they are necessarily
selling out.
Because, to begin with, no one should expect that everyone
expresses themselves in the same way. To some, not dating outside
their own race may be a primary way they choose to protest
institutionalized racism, and I think most of us can respect that.
But to others, this may not be a critical aspect of fostering
one’s own racial pride. Some individuals may choose to combat
internalized oppression and strengthen racial solidarity in other
ways. So, should they be judged as being less worthy members of
their race because of this?
And why do all instances of interracial dating have to be
related to some sort of political statement anyway? What if two
people just like each other and that’s it? Would that be so
bad? I will concede that there have been more than a few
interracial relationships that were based on a superficial
foundation of stereotypes and exoticism, but does that mean we
should automatically lump all interracial relationships into this
category?
Furthermore, I am sure every one of you out there has at least
one friend of biracial descent. So wouldn’t condemning all
instances of interracial dating be pretty much akin to condemning
that friend’s very existence? That wouldn’t be a very
nice thing to do, now would it? Besides, we’ve all still got
a lot to learn from each other. And a primary way to break down
walls, shatter stereotypes and learn to respect other’s
cultures is through personal contact with people outside of our own
little worlds.
And so, next time you see two people of different races holding
hands on-campus or dancing together at a bar, consider the fact
that just maybe those two people simply like each other for who
they are. Just maybe we should give them that chance.