On May 12, Glenn Sacks wrote a submission in the Viewpoint
section about domestic violence (“Domestic violence is harsh
reality for men also”). He said that contrary to popular
belief, domestic violence is mutual, and is an equal problem for
men. He didn’t stop at that ““ he also attacked the
Clothesline Project, an event that helps both women and men a great
deal.
I know what it’s like to live in an abusive household.
Growing up, I watched my father verbally and physically abuse my
mother, and I experienced it myself. I know what it’s like to
be afraid of your own parent, and I will never forget the sight of
my father punching my mom in the face.
I think the police were in my home on five difference occasions.
One time, my mom locked herself in the bedroom and the cops came in
while my dad was trying to break down the door. They never arrested
him. They always said it was an issue for us to work out. I know it
must have been difficult for my mom to watch her 10-year-old son
grab onto his father’s leg and tell the police,
“Don’t take my daddy.”
My father passed away almost seven years ago. I can’t tell
you how guilty I feel when there are times I’m glad
he’s gone. I loved him so much, and at the same time I hate
him so much for the pain he caused us. I don’t want to hear
people tell me it’s simple. Domestic violence is never
simple, and it’s not so easy to just leave.
We were dependent on my father. He had all the economic power,
and he reminded us of that fact on a few occasions. There is no
explaining the mind of an abuser. The fact that my mom had multiple
sclerosis never stopped my father’s screaming or his
violence. The fact that I was 10 years old didn’t stop him
from slamming my head against a wall. And somehow, even today, he
still has me convinced that it was my fault.
What my mom and I experienced isn’t the exception;
it’s the norm. The attempt to show that domestic violence
affects men and women equally is flawed at its core.
In his article, Sacks relied heavily on studies conducted by
Richard Gelles and Mary Strauss, as well as University of Wisconsin
professor Terrie Moffitt. Sacks isn’t the first person to
misuse the Gelles/Strauss survey. This survey didn’t take
context into account at all. It used a method called
“conflict tactics scales.” It only asked people if they
had ever hit, pushed, slapped, etc. their partners, and
didn’t indicate whether the violence was used in aggression
or in self-defense.
Using this method, you could argue that children’s
violence against parents is more serious than parents’
violence against children. Using this method, my father would be
considered a victim because my mom might have pushed him off of
her. Gelles himself wrote an Op-Ed article in Newsday on Feb. 22,
1994 to settle this issue. He was tired of people twisting his
research.
He said, “In the majority of these cases, the women act in
response to physical or psychological provocation or threats. Most
use violence as a defensive reaction to violence.”
The other study on which Sacks heavily relied was conducted by
Professor Terrie Moffitt. She released a study based on interviews
with young people in Dunedin, New Zealand. She found that 37
percent of women, and only 22 percent of men self-reported shoving,
shaking, slapping, kicking or otherwise striking their
partners.
There are a few problems with her study. First of all, she also
used the “conflict tactics scales” method.
Additionally, her research was done using a homogeneous sample. The
study conducted in New Zealand had 1,000 respondents, all were 21
years old and 93 percent were white. In a USA Today article (July
14, 1999), Moffitt admitted that “the data does not include
who started each incident, or if some of the acts were in
self-defense.”
The award-winning and highly respected organization Fairness and
Accuracy in Reporting pointed out that “since acting in
self-defense cannot be considered abusive behavior, there is little
validity to Moffitt’s insistence that partner violence is
mutual.” Counting those women who hit their abusers in
self-defense as “abusers” is like counting the person
who fights back against an attacker on the street as an attacker
himself.
The National Violence Against Women Survey, which, unlike the
studies sourced by Sacks, used a diverse sample of 8,000 women and
8,000 men, found that 25 percent of women were raped and/or
physically assaulted by a partner as compared to 8 percent of men.
It also found that 93 percent of women and 86 percent of men raped
and/or assaulted since age 18 were attacked by male perpetrators
(http://www.ncjrs.org/pdffiles/172837.pdf).
According to FBI statistics for 1998, domestic violence is the
leading cause of injury to women aged 15 to 44 in the United
States. These women are often severely injured. In 1990, the Boston
Bar Journal reported that 22 to 35 percent of women who visit
emergency rooms are there for injuries related to partner
abuse.
The power that many male abusers hold is a financial one.
It’s the same power that my father used against my mother and
me. That’s why it should come as no surprise that in 1991, a
U.S. Senate committee found that 50 percent of homeless women and
children are on the streets due to violence in the home.
Also, on Aug. 16, 1995, the Department of Justice released a
report which found that approximately 28 percent of female homicide
victims were killed by their husbands, former husbands or
boyfriends. In contrast, just over three percent of male homicide
victims were known to have been killed by their wives, former wives
or girlfriends. This report also found that women are 10 times more
likely than men to be victims of violence by partners.
The same report documents that every 15 seconds, a woman is
battered in this country. Millions of women live in constant fear
of their partners. To compare the self-defense of women to the
abuse of men is sick. For years my father emotionally and
physically abused my mom and me. I’m sure there was a time
when my mom might have slapped back to defend herself, but
I’ll be damned if that means my dad was just as much a victim
as she was.
It doesn’t help anyone when people try to convince us that
domestic violence is equal, and that the violence is mutual. When
people come together to help others cope with their pain, it
shouldn’t be ridiculed, it should be celebrated. Events like
the Clothesline Project are helpful, not hurtful, and I personally
want to thank those who organized the event.
Downplaying domestic violence only serves to make those who
abuse feel justified, and makes those who are abused feel like
their abuse is warranted. If you want to help victims of domestic
violence, stop by the Women’s Resource Center. I’m sure
they’ll be able to tell you how.