Ryan Fox  Fox is a second-year law
student. He is a member of the Gay and Lesbian Association. Â
Â
One of my fellow employees asked, “Are you two
brothers?” It was pretty doubtful that we would be brothers,
what with Chris being Asian American and my lineage running more
toward white redneck than anything else.
Sure, I guess we could both be products of some multicultural
rainbow tribe, but really, that’s not too likely. But this
woman was grasping at any straw available, and had already run
through “in law school together” and “friend from
home.” It hadn’t occurred to her that we might be
dating.
Her reaction wasn’t that uncommon. Most of the other
partners and associates in the firm I was working for didn’t
know what to think when I brought another guy along on one of the
many fun outings that they had scheduled for us. Not that I helped
too much. While everybody else gave the standard “This is my
girlfriend Terry” or “This is my fiancé
Ray,” I was a little too uncomfortable to use relationship
terms.
These are some of the issues that I face as a gay man in our
society. I remember that when I was in law school, a common
question amongst the queer law students was “Should you be
out on your resume?” Some said yes, some said no, but the
fact that it was something that a lot of people felt had to be
discussed was somewhat disappointing. Even some of the members of
the career services office gingerly suggest that I be careful, or
“realistic” about including my involvement with the
local queer groups.
HING-YI KHONG/Daily Bruin So I took it to heart and decided that
the best thing to do was to keep quiet when looking for a firm job
and then test the waters if I did indeed end up working
somewhere.
I went to some interviews and ended up getting an offer for a
summer job at a firm that felt like a very nice place to work. The
people were friendly and I felt the working environment would be a
fun and comfortable one. I really wasn’t sure what the
firm’s reaction would be to having a gay summer
associate.
It was a friendly place, as I said, but also very
family-oriented. What’s more, the office was in Orange
County, which is not exactly the first place that comes to mind
when one is looking for gay-positive work environments.
I figured that I would take it slowly. For the first month or
so, I really wasn’t very out at work, even to the other law
students working that summer. The first thing I did was check out
the firm’s anti-discrimination policy and was pleased to
discover that it did include sexual orientation.
Pleasantly, the firm had also seen fit to explicitly include HIV
status under disabilities against which it would not discriminate.
That was one check in the “Okay to come out” column.
But there were no benefits for same-sex partners. A check in the
“Don’t be out” column. I searched for other gay
people in the office and couldn’t find any. Another check in
the “No” column.
Regardless, I still couldn’t fight the feeling inside
urging me to come out. After working there for a few weeks and
considering the possibility of coming back to the firm in the
future, I came to realize that I was going to have to start testing
the waters in some real way. For example, I decided to bring my
boyfriend Chris along on some firm outings. This brings us back to
the confused lawyer I mentioned at the beginning of this
column.
Eventually, some people seemed to catch on to the situation. Of
course, after all of the build-up, what did I learn? No one really
cared. By that, I mean no one really cared to treat me or him any
differently.
Chris got the same small talk as the other boyfriends and
girlfriends. Attorneys invited him to come out to dinner along with
me. I got at most one negative response, but seeing as how that was
from another student, it was pretty easy to shrug off.
Since then, I have realized that I can be that Mr.
Out-and-Proud, or at least Mr Out-and-Confident, that I was unsure
of being before.
Since this summer, I’ve gone on a number of interviews and
was completely up front with employers about my orientation
whenever it came up. I included my activity with UCLA’s LGBT
Mentoring Program on my resume and freely talked with them about
the kind of company environment that I was looking for. I also
talked to my firm about their benefits policy, encouraging them to
consider enlarging it to include same-sex couples.
Through all of this I have found few troubles. From my
experience, it seems that many modern companies and firms have
learned to be professional enough to look for good employees of all
types and to respect families and relationships of all kinds.
Some of you who have made the mistake of reading this far are no
doubt saying, “Wow, that Ryan guy sure is one impressive,
confident-in-his-alternative-lifestyle piece of work. But how does
his little feel-good column apply to those of us who haven’t
come anywhere near that point yet?”
Yes, I realize that there are undoubtedly many readers of this
column who are not out, or only out to a few people, or are just
looking for some more LGBT (oh, how I do love typing those letters)
opportunities on campus. Let me suggest a few resources on campus
that can help.
First, for those people who are having issues with their coming
out processes or have not come out to anyone yet, let me suggest
the aforementioned LGBT Mentoring Program. This program offers a
chance for each student to meet one-on-one with a mentor who can
help him or her through his or her coming out process by offering
support, guidance and resources.
Basically, if you feel like you would appreciate a willing ear
to talk to, or would like some simple advice as you wade through
telling people about yourself, dating, or learning about the LGBT
community, this program might be right for you.
Also, keep in mind that anyone’s involvement in the
program will be kept confidential. Check out the web page at
www.bol.ucla.edu/~mentors, or call 825-0768 if you would like to
learn more.
Next, if you are interested in getting involved in campus
activities, there are a number of opportunities for you, the least
of which is GALA, a social/political/community group. GALA meets
every week at 7 p.m. in 355 Kinsey Hall.
GALA also sponsors discussion groups for men, women, and
bisexual students that also meet weekly. GALA can be reached at
825-8053.
Finally, for students looking for further resources, check out
the LGBT Campus Resource Center in 240 Kinsey. Dr. Sanlo and the
staff there run the center every day and help students find
resources they need.
In addition, there is an excellent library with many many books
relating to LGBT concerns. Check out their web site at
http://www.saonet.ucla.edu/lgbt/. This Web site also has links and
information about GALA, the LGBT Mentoring Program and the numerous
other programs that didn’t get mentioned here. It is your
one-stop UCLA gay shop!
I hope that this (slightly schizophrenic) article has done a bit
to address concerns that LGBT students at UCLA have both as they
struggle to come out and as they struggle to integrate their
personal and professional lives.
I hope I wasn’t too Pollyanna for your tastes, but I
sincerely believe that for the most part, coming out at school and
at work can be done successfully if you just have the courage and
energy to see it through. So if you’re in that position, I
wish you good luck and many confusing introductions.