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The CBS show “Survivor” was nice, I suppose, but I
like Survivor 2: Battle for the Oval Office even better than the
original. While the first one awarded $1 million to the winner and
enabled a nation of voyeurs to watch attention-starved Americans
eat rats, Survivor 2 provides even more voyeuristic pleasure.
Not only does the winner of this game get to be president, but
the contestants, some of whom resemble rats, get to tour the
country on the greenbacks of some of our nation’s wealthiest
and most despicable organizations. If you ask me, that’s much
better than sitting on some island.
To win the Battle for the Oval Office you must have an offense
and a defense, coaches, effective posturing and a way to circumvent
all those nasty tribal council elimination votes. Friends, viewers
and countrymen, this is sporting at its best.
In fact, the parallels between “Survivor” and
Survivor 2 are a bit uncanny. Both start with opposing tribes that
are sometimes hard to tell apart. Both have extremist wackos using
the game to promote their own dysfunctional agendas. And both
epitomize American commercialism and excess. And now, lucky for us,
we anxiously watch the final episode of Survivor 2. The wannabes
are gone: Bill Bradley, Elizabeth Dole and John McCain have gone
the way of Jenna, Jervais and Sean.
Illustration by ERICA PINTO/Daily Bruin The drum roll is
building and the commercial breaks are getting more frequent. And,
as arrogant, scheming Richard is dropping his pants, Al Gore is
rolling up his sleeves. Talk about stretching social convention to
the limit. If Al Gore is Richard in this updated Survivor game,
that means that George W. Bush must be Kelly, Richard’s
counterpart, except Bush doesn’t wear pink bikinis as often,
at least not on TV. But that’s okay because his easygoing,
friendly style parallels hers in many ways. Neither seem
extraordinarily bright, but both are likable and apparently that
still counts for something.
Even the third party candidates can be well-represented in the
Survivor Model of Election 2000. We have Pat Buchanan as Rudy, the
cranky old Navy Seal whose sole function in the competition is to
remind viewers that time travel is indeed possible and that there
are bigots from the 19th century living among us.
And then there’s Ralph Nader as the tough-gal truck driver
Susan. Like her, Ralph doesn’t feel the need to be polite or
even rational. He bounces around, castigating others and
sacrificing candidates to whom he can relate. Nader’s pride
is getting in the way of his ability to be reasonable, just as
Susan’s did.
So, the stage is set for Survivor: the Sequel, except this time,
the presidency is at stake.
“Survivor” set a precedent that seems to indicate
that Gore should be favored to win in November. After all, his
predecessor Richard, though no fan favorite, was awarded victory
because he played the game better than Kelly. Meanwhile, Kelly was
a fan favorite; she was friendly and remembered the names of the
other players’ kids. She kept getting a free ride through the
elimination rounds because of silly games played before the voting,
similar to Gov. Bush, except in his case Daddy played the games for
him.
But, in the end, the “Survivor” pundits voted
Richard into the proverbial Oval Office. The “Survivor”
voters gave the game to Richard because he played better, and who
can deny that Gore has played the Survivor 2: Battle for the Oval
Office better? I predict voters will recognize that Gore outplayed
Bush by far ““ he even went so far as to present policy
proposals rather than publicize his own inability to do
algebra.
Ultimately, voters will decide that even though Bush would be
more fun to have over for dinner than Gore, that does not matter. I
know this is a shocker for some people, but he is not coming over
for dinner.
Voters will recognize that being nice is not enough to be either
survivor or president and that, yes indeed, at some point a
candidate’s policy positions will be important and their
bedside manner will not. Remember, President Clinton has long been
lauded as one of the most amiable presidents of all time, but that
did little to get his health care package passed and nothing to
circumvent his culpability in the Lewinsky scandal.
Because of “Survivor’s” inane but immense
popular appeal, it can be used as a model for other national
phenomena, like the presidential election. But, the numerous
parallels between “Survivor” and the presidential
election are a little unnerving. Are politics so cheap that they
can be likened to a ridiculous TV show phenomenon like the
“Survivor” epidemic? Does it matter that in a
presidential election the viewers get to actually affect the
outcome of the contest?
Unfortunately, in many ways presidential elections have sunk to
the level of CBS television events. Clearly, the decision is not
between candidates with different visions for America, but between
presidential teams with different resources and ideas for
attracting the voting populace. The differences in opinion on
policy, though extensive, are often swept under the carpet in favor
of nude walks down the beach and personal interviews of a
soft-hearted Kelly. Good TV trumps good democracy every time.
Despite the commercialism of a beautiful political ideal, the
winner of this TV contest still gets to be the president; they
still determine who sits on the Supreme Court, when soldiers march
to die and how America interacts with the world. This contest,
though often as silly as its predecessors, is worth far more than
Richard’s $1 million payoff.
Now Survivor 2 is down to its last episode. Buchanan and Nader
burnt themselves out long ago ““ one by being a right-wing
moron and the other by failing to address reality. Instead, the
latter focused on an ideological battle that needs to be fought not
only with words and Federal Matching Funds, but with real policy
ideas. Nader has been accused of trying to get 5 percent of the
vote allowing the Green Party to get federal money next
election.
Like Richard and Kelly, Al and George stand bared to the whims
of their peers. They are exposed ““ winning and losing is out
of their hands. So, viewers of America, it is time to participate.
Unlike “Survivor”, you can take part in Election 2000;
take a stand, reward policies, not propaganda and kick George W.
Bush off our island of democracy.