Jeff and the Fresh Prints  Jeff
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I usually try to be positive and optimistic about UCLA football,
but they’re not giving me much to work with right now. The
numbers speak loud. UCLA has given up 107 points and 1,426 yards
over the last three games. On Saturday, the Beavers converted 12 of
16 third downs, making Jehovah’s Witnesses take note. True,
the starting defensive line were clad in street clothes or crutches
throughout the game, but a program like UCLA should never allow 604
yards in a game, and I’m sure the players and coaches agree.
In the second half, the Beavers drove the field like it was the
Autobahn. The play that summed it up was when the Beavers were
pinned to the UCLA 4-yard line on 3rd and 22. Everyone is Pasadena
knew the Beavers would run. Even the referees knew and they
didn’t know much. But Oregon State still managed to pick up
the first down on a draw play and secure the win. . . . Krispy
Kreme won again, as UCLA failed to score first for the seventh time
in seven games. Maybe the Bruins are just trying to keep students
healthy. . . . What do you think of the football program right now?
Are injuries to blame for their struggles or is it something else?
E-mail me with your thoughts and I’ll print the ones that
aren’t stupid. Include your year and major please. . . . If
Freddie Mitchell hasn’t told you yet, he’s the best
all-around receiver in college football. He has 830 yards receiving
this year, and it feels like he should have 1,830. If Freddie
returns next season as he claims, he should be the first two-time
Biletnikoff Award winner. . . . Last week, Freddie made an
appearance on the Tonight Show, in a “Jay Walking”
segment where Jay Leno makes random people seem stupid. It’s
too bad the Tonight Show doesn’t have a segment that makes
Leno seem funny. Freddie got on TV by saying that Benjamin Franklin
was the first president of the U.S. Everybody knows it was Abraham
Lincoln. . . . USC won again to raise its record to 7-1 and move up
in the polls. Of course, I mean the Gamecocks of South Carolina.
That other USC lost to Stanford on the final play of the game,
dropping them to 0-4 in the Pac-10. USC sits on the bottom of the
Pac-10 drawer, which is where Trojans are meant to be. . . . Coach
Paul Hackett’s job is about as secure as the guy who approved
“Ladies Man.” But at least that guy could coach. Paul
Hackett is to coaching football what Buddy Hackett was to coaching
football. . . . Beavers, Trojans and Gamecocks. Is this a sports
column or a porn review? Hmmm… . . . Many local football fans are
looking forward to the college basketball season, which will begin
early next month. With Jerome Moiso looking good in the NBA and
JaRon Rush just looking, the Bruins will have two big holes to
fill. They’ve got a great core of Jason Kapono, Earl Watson
and Dan Gadzuric, but lack quality depth. . . . If the season
doesn’t go well this year, however, Bruin fans have something
to look forward to in 2001. Coach Steve Lavin has already received
four top verbals for next season and his class is considered by
many to be the best in the nation. . . . Tattoo parlors are getting
busier, which means the NBA season is almost here. I’ll
provide my free NBA preview next week. . . . Halloween is on
Tuesday, a day when Raider fans can finally blend in. Life is good
for Raider fans right now, as their team is 7-1 (well, 6-1, but
they play the Chargers this week). . . . Cade McNown’s season
got even worse Sunday when he separated his shoulder in the
Bears’ loss to Philadelphia. Cade will miss four to six
weeks, but he won’t be missed much by fans. Because of
Chicago’s slow start, fans have been calling for
“Miller time.” Some for backup Jim Miller, the others
just need a beer to ease the pain. . . . Speaking of Miller, how
about that wacky Dennis? You may hate him as an announcer, and
rightfully so, but it could be worse. Imagine him as a 911
operator. “Hello, 911, my brother’s choking. What
should I do?” “OK. It’s an anaphylactic reaction.
Just wrap your upper appendages around where your kin’s
peritoneum lies and thrust like Emperor Montikidis did in early
Tenochtitlan.” . . . Corey Dillon of the Cincinnati Bengals
topped Walter Payton’s NFL record for the most rushing yards
in a game with 278 on Sunday. Dillon has broken certain records
before, but they were better known as laws. . . . “Who Let
the Dogs Out” makes me want to request the
“Macarena” because it was so seldom played. . . . This
week’s USC joke, e-mailed by Sean Killebrew, a 1993 UCLA
grad:
How many Trojans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One
to change it, and the other nine to tell you how great it was.