Brent Hopkins Like Alvin of the
Chipmunks, Hopkins still wants a hula hoop. E-mail him at [email protected] with your
thoughts.Â
Thanksgiving’s passed, and I’m happy. Sure,
it’s a cool, fattening holiday, but now that it’s out
of the way, I can get on to my favorite month, December.
I don’t care what anyone else says, it’s flat out
the coolest month of the year. Not “˜cause of vacation, the
holidays or anything else, but because I can now listen to my
Christmas albums and not feel like I’m cheating.
As any egg nog-fueled caroler will tell you, this is the most
wonderful time of the year. My way of celebrating it, however,
deviates from the traditional path just a tad. For me, December
means that I can finally drag out James Brown’s “Funky
Christmas” and get down with all my favorite songs since
they’re now appropriate to listen to.
As much as I’d love to grab this funk-filled compendium of
Christmas cheer in July and start groovin’, it just
isn’t right without that slight chill in the air and the
promise of yuletide fun just around the corner.
I know that this may be a little too stingy with the Christmas
time line, “˜cause the malls have had the holiday Muzak going
strong ever since Halloween. One day they’re hawking
costumes, the next it’s a winter wonderland. That’s
cool, I guess. Some people really, really dig the holidays and want
to get in the mood as early as possible. That’s fine for
them, but I prefer to hold out and wait for at least the right
month.
Starting up too early is like when you’re a kid and you
start peeking at your presents before the actual day comes. Sure,
it’s kind of fun, but then when the real time to open them
arrives, you’re not as excited. Music is the same way ““
if you partake too early, it wears out quickly.
This holds true even for the Godfather of Soul himself. I love
James with all my heart and soul, but there’s only so much of
him I can take. When my aunt mailed me this much under-appreciated
holiday classic a few years back, I thought I’d never grow
tired of his yells and grunts. If I heard him all year long,
though, he’d wear out his welcome faster than the unexpected
cousins showing up on Christmas Eve. Thus, “Funky
Christmas” virtually jumps off the shelf the day after
Thanksgiving, then beats a hasty retreat on Dec. 26.
Another trick to getting the maximum enjoyment out of your
holiday collection is to keep it broad. As awesome as it is to hear
“Santa Claus, Go Straight to the Ghetto” and
“Sweet Little Baby Boy” blasting out of my stereo, the
fun doesn’t end there.
There’s the ever-important Brian Setzer cover of
“Jingle Bells,” where he tells us how much fun it is to
ride, in a bright red Chevrolet. And it wouldn’t be complete
without Chuck Berry rockin’ out to “Run, Run
Rudolph,” or the strangely titled “Backdoor
Santa” by Clarence Carter.
Actually just in writing this, I realize that my collection is,
to be kind, pretty weird. Clarence is cool and all, but you
wouldn’t want to hear him at dinner, and God knows you
won’t hear it as background music while shopping at the
mall.
Perhaps that’s my problem. I just listen to bizarre
Christmas tunes ““ ones that would just be annoying were I not
caught up in the rush of the holidays. That may be true, but so
what? Until I get my hands on a decent recording of “Mele
Kalikimaka,” I’m sticking with these offbeat songs.
These unheralded masterpieces can get you into trouble. Usually
when the holidays come rolling around and I ask my parents if I can
be in charge of the Christmas dinner music, their eyes narrow in
suspicion.
“Am I going to like this, or is this another one of your
weirdo albums like last year?” my dad invariably asks,
clutching the remote to the CD player and searching for his copy of
Handel’s “Messiah.”
Unfortunately for them, it is indeed one of those weirdo albums.
I like my parents’ taste just fine (though I wouldn’t
shed any tears if that Celine Dion disc went on a little sleigh
ride and never came back), but my passion for holiday oddities
doesn’t transfer over to them.
But hey, it’s their stereo, so who am I to complain?
And speaking of complaints, I really think that Hanukkah is
getting the short end of the stick. It’s an eight-day
celebration, and the only song most people can name referring to it
is that sorry one by Adam Sandler.
I mean, come on, it was really funny the first time you heard
it, mildly amusing when he updated the lyrics, and mind numbingly
stupid the other 6,000 times.
It’s especially monotonous because radio stations push
this upon their listeners several times a day in an attempt to show
that they both have a sense of humor and are open minded toward
other holidays.
Screw that. Instead of praising marginally talented comedians
lampooning their religion’s holidays, radio stations ought to
search out some quality non-traditional Christmas music. Though
I’m not an expert, I’m sure that there’s good
quality music close at hand. Even if it’s not all that good,
at least it will provide us with some relief from yet another year
of Sandler rhyming “Hanukkah” with
“Tijuanakkah.”
I’ve already rambled on about my little holiday fanaticism
more than enough, so I’ll close now. Though my route to
holiday happiness may not be the same path most choose, I’d
recommend it for those of you in search of something new. It sure
beats the heck out of yet another lame remake of “The
Christmas Song.”