Jeff and the Fresh Prints Jeff
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There was enough local news over the break to fill a winter
break, so here it is.
Dec. 29, 2000 ““ UCLA lost by a point in the Sun Bowl after
losing a 14-point halftime lead and losing its quarterback and two
corners to injury. Yet with all the losing, the underdog Bruins
provided a winner’s effort, keyed by the undermanned defense
of all things. Freddie Mitchell was the individual star in Texas,
grabbing a 64-yard El Passo while waving adios to heralded corner
Jamar Fletcher en route to the end zone on UCLA’s opening
drive. Mitchell caught nine balls for 180 yards and ran his mouth
for 8,200 words of trash talk. For the win, Wisconsin got a trip to
the exotic land of Wisconsin.
Dec. 31, 2000 ““ I really don’t remember much about
that day.
Jan. 3, 2001 ““ After the defense gave up a school-record
368 points this season, Toledo gave up on Bob Field and hired Phil
Snow from ASU to take over as defensive coordinator. Field was a
hard-working and loyal Bruin for many years, but a Snow job should
allow UCLA to attack and be more aggressive on defense, which is
key. As evidenced lately by the Baltimore Ravens, New York Giants
and Oklahoma Sooners, defense wins football games. UCLA returns the
core of its defense, and still might land a few more top-flight
recruits. But the D took a big hit Monday when top linebacker
commit Marvin Simmons took a 180 and decided to attend USC, likely
due to the Trojans’ academic standards, or lack thereof.
Simmons also mentioned in the Daily News that coach Toledo
isn’t too concerned with the defense.
Jan. 4, 2001 ““ A day after the Bruins yield Field,
it’s revealed that Al Borges is off to Cal as offensive
coordinator. Borges will be getting hella more money in the Bay
Area with his two-year contract, along with a better opportunity to
become a head coach in the future. UCLA is in no rush to get a new
OC, but it doesn’t really matter who is named since Toledo
mainly runs the offense.
Jan. 5, 2001 ““ Mitchell spurns his final year at UCLA to
enter the NFL draft. Yes, he passed up a year of sitting in Royce
Hall for millions of dollars and an accomplished dream. Freddie may
have been a cocky Bruin, but the top all-around receiver in the
nation backed it up and provided the energy and swagger every good
team needs. And I won’t even mention Playboy or Elizabeth
Hurley. Whoops.
Jan. 6, 2001 ““ UCLA hoops beat Washington State 75-57 for
its third straight win and some hope for the future. True, the
Washington schools aren’t good at playing basketball, but Dan
Gadzuric looked dominant and UCLA’s press appeared to work.
The Bruins are now 7-4, but they’re 7-0 when they win. They
take on the lowly Trojans tomorrow night in a pivotal game, so
forget about Chandler and Monica and get to Pauley.
Jan. 7, 2001 ““ UCLA women’s basketball loses to
Washington State to fall to 1-12 in their difficult season. One
sentence summarizes most of UCLA’s games so far. Not this
one, the next one. “The Bruins lost by 22 points as Michelle
Greco led the team with 20 points.” On the positive for UCLA,
Greco has made 20 straight free throws and needs five more to set
the UCLA record. She could miss her next 30 free throws and would
still have a higher percentage than Shaq in that span.
Jan. 8, 2001 ““ The American Music Awards are presented,
hosted by Britney’s Spheres. You might not have seen the part
where songs were dedicated to UCLA and USC, because, well,
I’m making it up. UCLA football ““ “Everybody
Hurts” by REM and “Next Year” by Foo Fighters.
USC football ““ “Everybody Plays the Fool” by
Aaron Neville, “Born to Lose” by Leanne Rimes and
“Living in the Past” by Jethro Tull. USC cheerleaders
““ “Who Let the Dogs Out” by the Baha Men. UCLA
hoops ““ “Good Times Bad Times” by Led Zeppelin
USC hoops ““ “What’s Going On” by Marvin
Gaye, “How Bizarre” by OMC and “Won’t Last
Long” by Tom Petty.
Jan. 12, 2001 and beyond ““ In an attempt to gain viewers
in the coveted teenage range, the PBA changes its name to the
PBAIPA ““ the Professional Bowling and Internet Porn
Association. To comply with feminists’ rants, Karl Malone
officially changes his nickname to The Mail Person. Although the
WNBA marketing campaign explodes even more, I still won’t
watch. As college football’s Bowl Championship Series becomes
more and more complicated, teams ditch the playing field and
compete in simulated virtual seasons. USC’s “glory
days” will be an even more distant memory. Because they feel
left out, basketballs begin getting tattoos. With their sporting
careers over, many athletes join the lucrative porn industry,
including Randy “Big Unit” Johnson, Jake “The
Snake” Plummer, Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams,
“The Rocket” Roger Clemens and Brent
“Bones” Barry. College basketball will be for players
who just don’t have what it takes to get to the NBA, ever.
Anna Kournikova may win some matches. She may lose some matches.
But c’mon, does it really matter? A baseball player will sign
a one-billion dollar contract. I mean, if you would have told me 15
years ago that Alex Rodiguez would be making $252 million, I would
have said, “Who’s Alex Rodriguez?”