Brenden Nemeth-Brown Nemeth-Brown is an
economics and political science student who enjoys long walks on
the beach. E-mail him at [email protected].
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Monogamy will have its virtues one day. There will be a need for
stability in the household. There will be a need for a child to
have one mother and father. There will be a need for refuge and
constant warmth after living a solitary youth. But until we college
students reach that day, monogamy will only hamper our personal
development.
How could someone advocate promiscuous behavior and immoral
conduct on a widespread basis, you might ask? Well, I’m not
quite doing that. This is not the rant of a sexually repressed
loner who feels the need to emancipate himself by treating women as
conquests. Quite the opposite. It is exactly because there are so
many available, beautiful and empathetic women that I feel
restrained by a social construct that keeps me from experiencing
them.
Perhaps I fail to see the beauty in spending another night on
the couch watching a movie with my girlfriend. Perhaps dedicating
myself to one person would actually allow me to better experience
the plethora of interesting people I will meet in the next 10
years. Perhaps I should understand that this is all training for
marriage. Didn’t you know the only way to live for the
present is to constantly meditate on the future?
College lasts for four years. This is the last time many of us
will be able to experience different people and ideas before we all
become wage slaves. Two weeks of paid vacation every year does not
bode well for personal development. That is why this time is so
precious and why so many couples are throwing their youth away.
These lost souls are cut adrift from their peers, trampled under
the horses of delusion and conceit. All assimilation with the
masses has ceased. They have become voyeurs.
 Illustration by RACHEL REILICH/Daily Bruin
Sacrificing personal development for a deluded notion of
security is prevalent throughout college relationships. If you need
to be constantly reassured that you are intelligent and desirable,
get a dog.
Significant others are like overbearing parents: they are there
for emotional support and guidance, but they prevent you from truly
finding yourself. They extinguish your desire to evolve by making
you think you need their approval for every action you make.
Attempts to lash back at them always fall short, for you are too
brittle and too dependent to defy them.
Falling to the other extreme is not healthy either. Chasing your
tail and tracking down every woman you see causes a bitter
animosity for the opposite sex. Everyone becomes a used commodity,
sold to the highest (or most drunk) bidder. While this conduct will
undoubtedly be continued, it does not undermine my goal of a
polygamous single life.
Occasionally it may be even good for you. A bloodletting, if you
will. But there is a grave difference between excessive womanizing
and engaging in healthy polygamous relationships. The former is
marked by a lack of compassion and even hatred for a supposedly
inferior sex. The latter exalts women as awe-inspiring.
Talking to a Russian friend of mine put many of these issues in
perspective. “I don’t understand you Americans,”
he would say, “why is everyone looking to get married at 18
years old?” I didn’t have a good answer to that
question. My feeble reply was that we are a culture that has its
roots in New England Puritanism, so you will have to excuse the
majority of Americans for being brainwashed by it.
But should we excuse Puritan behavior because Americans do not
have the courage to question their oppressive ideology? I have
never felt there was a rational basis for monogamy at our age.
Besides worries of diseases and pregnancies, which can be avoided,
most Puritans believe their obligation to one person to be a moral
one.
Somehow, you cannot be a good person and date different people
at the same time. It means that you don’t “love”
the other person.
When did all this excessive moralizing begin to torment the
minds of America’s youth? You cannot escape the conservative
ideology that demands you “love” one other individual,
even if you don’t know what love is.
I remember watching an episode of “Who Wants to be a
Millionaire,” during which Regis Philbin asked a 16-year-old
boy if he “loves” his girlfriend of two weeks. “I
guess I do,” the boy replied rather bashfully. “Well,
that’s great to hear,” Regis exclaimed with a toothy
grin.
Imagine Regis’ response if the boy had told him he was
seeing two women. Gasps would seep from the audience and Regis
would quickly move on to another question. Not that the moral
weight of the world should rest on his shoulders, but Regis’
attitude is indicative of a conservative culture that demands
conformity.
I admit that I too have hid behind the great moral shield of
Puritan ideology. There were times where I used the excuse
“You cheated!” to avoid discussing the more basic
problems that plagued my relationships. Most of my friends agreed
that cheating was irreconcilable and any of my other complaints
were mere icing on the cake. Somehow it made more sense to blame
someone for something that didn’t truly bother me.
But maybe the experience turned out to be the best for me. I
felt much happier dealing with several people on different terms.
Instead of constantly feeling guilty for not giving enough time, I
felt emancipated by a feeling that I was in control of my own
destiny. No longer was I worried about trying to make someone else
happy and falling short; I was making myself happy.
But again Puritan ideology is tapping on my shoulder, demanding
that I clarify my previous statement. When I encourage unmarried
individuals to shun monogamy, it is not because I want everyone to
be promiscuous in all endeavors. That sort of lifestyle does not
lead to happiness or fulfillment.
What I would want for everyone are several relationships of
varying degrees of intimacy. Maybe some are existentially
comfortable with one person, but I do not believe that to be the
case with the majority of this campus. After all, we are nothing
but evolved primates, roaming this Earth and procreating at
geometric rates.
Monogamy is a ghost that haunts us all. One day it will grab
ahold of us, and we will know that we must sacrifice our
independence for the protection of our children.
But until that day, do not walk into its mist. The intoxicating
effect of monogamy will suffocate you, and drown you in a sea of a
misguided moralism.