Dylan Hernandez Those who take Hernandez
seriously can send him hate mail at [email protected].
Spring training has been in session for a couple of weeks now,
and for many sports fans it’s a time of great
anticipation.
For me, however, it’s a time of great dread. I have a lot
of homework to do.
No, not for finals ““ I don’t really care much about
them as long as I pass ““ but for the upcoming draft in my
fantasy baseball league. At the moment, it’s the most
important thing in my life.
By the start of the Major League Baseball season, I will have
filled the roster of my fantasy team with the 30 or so big
leaguers. Their statistics will determine how many points my team
gets, and I’ll be in competition with other owners to see who
scores the highest through the year.
I really need this stuff, namely because I’ve been so
bored lately. My life has become increasingly predictable and I
have little to look forward to.
Someone should ship me into the jungle. Being chased by tigers,
infected with malaria and having to climb trees just to get food
would surely make my life interesting.
So I’ll just settle with playing fantasy sports.
I’ve found that fantasy sports are a great way to entertain
yourself when you have nothing to do. For those like me, they sure
beat several other options.
Drinking was one way I used to pass a lot of my time. But I cut
down my alcohol consumption when I discovered one day it was
possible to throw up out of your nose.
After that ugly episode, I tried reading. Full of pretension, I
walked over to Borders one night to pick up the first volume of
Proust’s “In Search of Lost Time.” Although
Proust made me laugh for a couple of days, I could take only so
much. Crippled by severe ADD, I had trouble reading the half page
long sentences. Now, the book is nothing more than a prop to
impress girls with.
When the reading failed, I thought about exercising. As an
activity to occupy myself in times of boredom, it seemed to be a
reasonable choice. Until I came to UCLA, sports were my life. But
before I even went on my first run, I remembered how sore I became
after going for a light trot around campus a few months ago.
With those ideas shot down, all I could turn to were fantasy
sports. So far, it’s worked miracles for me.
During the last month, my life has revolved around a virtual
boxing game I found on the Web. The game allows you to create your
own fighters and provide them with strategy for their weekly fights
against boxers owned by other people.
The outcome of these fights is determined by a computer
simulation system of which I have no understanding. Every win I get
is pretty much due to luck. Nonetheless, I feel proud each time one
of my boxers wins. My usually poor imagination has come to life,
allowing me to believe I was somehow responsible for the
victories.
Fantasy sports involving real athletes are even better. Whenever
one of “your” athletes is playing ““ completely
unaware that you “own” him ““ you feel as if
he’s playing for you. As the season goes on, you get attached
to your players. You almost think you’re out there on the
field helping them swing the bat.
Soon, you have another form of existence. When you’re
tired of being Joe Blow student who has nothing to do, you can go
to your computer, sit down and make believe you’re the
general manager of some sports franchise. It’s a good escape
from the monotony of everyday life.
Also, your increased awareness of what’s going on in the
sport will let you enjoy the season a hell of a lot more.
You’ll be more into the game.
There are few good reasons not to play this stuff. Playing
fantasy sports, I believe, cannot be the direct cause of vomiting.
Unlike reading ““ reading the stuff that’s worth
reading, anyway ““ it doesn’t require intense
concentration. And neither will it leave pools of lactic acid in
your calves, making you sore.
You might rot physically and mentally ““ not to mention,
you’ll feel like a loser each to time you stop to think about
what you’re doing ““ but you’ll have a good
time.
Give it a try.