Brenden Nemeth-Brown Nemeth-Brown is an
economics and political science student who enjoys long walks on
the beach. E-mail him at [email protected].
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I am an ultra-right wing, fascist conservative who is about to
tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. Little did you
know that today is your lucky day. By opening up the paper and
reading my article, you are witnessing probably the most profound
moment of your tiny insignificant life. Get ready for a
discomforting enlightenment.
Timothy McVeigh, the man responsible for the Oklahoma City
bombings, wants his execution broadcast live on television. Why
didn’t we think of this earlier? I wish I could take credit
for such a fine idea. It could be a pay-per-view extravaganza,
allowing American business to profit from the victim
families’ incalculable suffering. With all the grief and
psychological trauma inflicted upon these people, what else would
make them feel better but to make a dollar off their tired and
mournful backs?
Why are we so concerned with being barbaric? We can kill
murderers in a brutal manner and still be a civilized society with
rules and morals. We should shoot, hang or fry all degenerate
punks. Don’t let reason interfere with brutish vengeance.
Would it not be great to have McVeigh in one of those medieval
spinning wheels of fortune? Imagine, we could have family members
spin McVeigh around and collect cash prizes for the most torture
they can inflict without killing him. There could be a spot
allotted for Chinese water torture, one for castration, 10 spots
for each fingernail to be yanked out. It would be great. You
could watch it with your children while you munch on microwave
popcorn.
Sadly, the communists at the New York Times have been trying to
stop this beautiful dream by claiming that the death penalty is not
a deterrent. The fact that 10 of the 12 states without the death
penalty “have homicide rates below the national
average,” that doesn’t mean a damn thing. Those are
states like Wyoming that don’t have enough people to be
violent. You can’t trust any liberal newspaper anyway “¦
I get all my news from real people who know about real Americans:
Pat Buchanan, Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. Who else but
conservative white males are truly capable of articulating the
American moral standard?
If you are a supporter of the death penalty (as you should be),
and about 60 percent of you are, then why show mercy to anyone?
What if he weren’t even white, like McVeigh, but a lecherous,
under-educated individual with a public defender? What’s the
point of showing amnesty for those who are not as good as you are?
Forget that. You are morally superior and should be proud of
it.
Deterrence is the most frequently cited argument from smart
people in favor of the death penalty, as it should be. Retribution
is so passé, so biblical. I mean, it’s good and all, but
all these liberals are claiming that it makes you as bad as the
perpetrator of the crime. But revenge is good, while liberals are
bad, so ignore them.
When are people going to realize that the sick bastards who
perpetrate these crimes should face their day of reckoning? All of
these bleeding heart liberals cry, “Don’t kill the poor
murderer! He wasn’t even mentally able to stand trial.”
I can’t stand to listen to this nonsense.
Oh, and wait! Here you go now with this social inequality
nonsense. So what if 68 percent of death penalty appeals
between 1973-1995 were so legally flawed that they were overturned?
That just means we got to fry ’em before these sickos try
this legal trickery.
This is a nice segue to my earlier point of destroying the
inherently evil Nazi murderers. These damn Democrats running around
bad-mouthing the death penalty have instituted moratoriums in good
old white states like Illinois. What is going on when a governor, a
Republican governor, won’t kill convicts on death row? He is
now wondering if “injustices” are happening and if the
death penalty is really a “deterrent” or not. What a
pansy.
So I today advocate that we torture those criminals before
liberals let all of them out of prison. My good friend and
patriotic American Ronald Reagan had the great idea to cut programs
for the mentally ill and redirect the funds to our penitentiary
system. Now these commies want to let them out again.
So here’s my plan: if people think the death penalty is
not a deterrent, then we should start televising all executions.
That would put a second thought into the heads of those sickos
before they kill any more righteous Americans.
What? You don’t think most murderers are serial murderers?
That they only do it once out of passion or some other motive? That
they are not like sexual predators who are often repeat offenders?
How could you even fathom such a thought, when it is clear that all
murderers are inherently evil?
Well I for one am tired of hearing all this commie psychobabble.
I won’t have hippies tear down this beautiful country and
fill it with degenerates who belong in prison. To think we were
once a country that had the moral compass of a man like Thomas
Jefferson to guide us. He realized long ago the importance of every
man, woman and child owning a gun and a slave.
This is my last plea to all of you. I beg you to see through
this liberal nonsense and stand beside me on this great platform of
moral righteousness. You don’t think the death penalty is a
deterrent? Well we haven’t upped the ante yet. We need moral
guidance to see us through these times of seething immorality. We
need a leader like George W. Bush to continue executing these
plebeians so we can return to a society of greatness.
When we live in a world where it is so obvious what is right and
what is wrong, why are so many wrong? And why do so many still
think that it is hypocritical to kill someone to condemn killing?
It’s not hypocritical at all. You can never win.