Ariana Brookes Brookes is a third-year
English student who knows that Diet Coke is the drink of champions.
E-mail her at [email protected].
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Billy Crystal says, “men and women can’t be
friends.” The movie is “When Harry Met Sally”,
the time is the late ’70s. Harry, a recent college graduate,
informs Sally that men and women cannot truly be friends, as sex
always gets in the way. “That’s too bad,” says
Sally, “Then I guess we can’t be friends.”
It’s not just a movie, as a guy friend of mine informed
me, it is a model for our lives. It is the truth, the essence of
all guy/girl relationships, the Bible, if you will, for the modern
college dilemma. That’s what my friend says anyway. As much
as I don’t want to believe him, it’s hard to just
ignore his perspective. After all, as he is a guy, he does offer a
reliable explanation for the typical male view on the subject.
Over the past few years, ever since I first stepped onto the
sandy shores of UCLA, I have been searching for a definitive answer
on the subject. I have polled my many male friends, looking for
truth, looking for perspective. I’ve asked them all ““
the musicians, the jocks, the frat boys, the stoners, the
intellectuals and the “sweet, sensitive” types. Almost
overwhelmingly, once they got a few drinks in them, they were ready
to dispense their wisdom. And their wisdom was this; guys and girls
cannot be friends.
If you ask most girls what their opinion is on the matter,
they’ll tell you they don’t believe the male opinion.
After all, the thought is quite horrifying. The fact is, girls love
to have guy friends. We love to have that aspect of different
perspective in our lives, we love to catch a glimpse of life from
the other side.
 Illustration by GRACE HUANG/Daily Bruin
If you subscribe to the theory that guys and girls cannot be
friends, then you begin to question all of your past friendships
with guys. You begin to formulate images of every guy you’ve
ever been friends with ““ terrible images. You start to
question and over analyze those past friendships, wondering if
secretly, all along, all they wanted to do was sleep with you. You
go over past conversations with them in your mind, wondering if
their words were hinting at a hidden sexual desire. It is enough to
drive any sane girl mad with paranoia.
This is where the problem lies. Girls usually do believe that
guys and girls can be friends. We all have guy friends; it works,
end of story. The question is, if the guys that you are friends
with agree with Harry’s friendship philosophy, that means
that they are not interpreting your friendship the way that you
are. And this can lead to uncomfortable situations.
It is a known fact that when you know that someone likes you,
and by “likes you”, I mean he “likes likes”
you, it throws a whole spin on the equation. I don’t know how
it works for guys, but I know that for most girls, if we are
friends with a guy, and we know he is interested in us, it
completely changes everything. And not in a good way.
There are of course exceptions to the rule. After all, sometimes
the affection is mutual, and some of the best relationships stem
from friendships. But, if it is not shared by both the guy and the
girl … the situation can be bad.
Once we know that a guy friend likes us, we can no longer look
at him the same way. He is no longer seen as a platonic buddy
because we fear that he is thinking about getting into our pants.
We feel awkward, and sometimes guilty. A fear creeps in that we are
stringing him along by continuing to be friends with him in the
face of his affection. We are afraid we might inadvertently hurt
him by giving him the wrong impression. And we fear the day he
admits his desire to us directly.
The real question is whether or not Harry is right. Do guys
really believe that guys and girls can’t be friends? And
further, are they correct in believing this? Fast forward to the
end of the movie and you’ll see that Harry and Sally end up
as a couple … they were “friends” and sex did in fact
get in the way. All of a sudden, they were no longer friends, but
lovers. Realistically of course, this is only a movie, and not
every guy is like Harry. But it still makes you wonder.
This suspicion comes into play time and time again. Suppose you
have a guy friend, on whom you secretly crush. Your relationship is
seemingly platonic, and the guy shows no significant signs of
further interest. You start grasping for signs that he likes you,
and all of a sudden you find yourself falling back onto the same
theory that you previously had fervently denied. Now, your belief
in it works to your advantage.
You say to yourself, hey, if guys have ulterior sexual motives
in being friends with a girl, it means that they wouldn’t be
friends with a girl if they weren’t, on some level, attracted
to her. Ahh, this must mean that even though he doesn’t say
that he is attracted to me, he really is. “My crush likes me,
too!”, you cry. And this is when you start to quiz your guy
friends for answers.
“Is it true?”, you ask, “Do guys, at one point
or another, find themselves attracted to their female
friends?” Better yet, do they only start friendships with
girls to whom they are attracted? It is right at this point, right
when you decide to fully accept this God-given truth, that your guy
friends let you down. Before they were willing to swear
whole-heartedly that “When Harry Met Sally” was the
work of a genius. Now, however, when it gets right down to it, they
begin to question their whole belief system.
“Umm, well, I’m not sure”, they say. Suddenly,
they are no longer willing to speak for their whole gender, but
instead choose to say that the belief relies on a case by case
analysis.
Based on the friendships that I have had with guys, I have
started to question the validity of the question itself. I mean,
after all, how can you make a definitive statement about all
relationships between guys and girls? I have been friends with some
guys, and it has led to some relationships. I have been friends
with other guys, realized that they were attracted to me, and found
their emotions got in the way of our friendship. On the other hand,
I have many guy friends whom I am not interested in romantically,
and they are seemingly not interested in me that way either.
It is all one big viscous cycle, really. Guys don’t know
what girls are thinking, and girls don’t know what guys are
thinking.
After years of analyzing the question of the guy/girl
relationship, I’m ready to move on. It is inconsequential. I
am happy for Harry and Sally, they were obviously destined to be
together, and make a great film.
But, I’ve decided not to make Harry’s philosophy my
guide in life. Instead of always looking for answers, I’ve
decided to follow what is actually the true message behind
“When Harry Met Sally.” Stop analyzing, and let what is
meant to happen, happen.