Jeff Kmiotek Kmiotek is the weakest
link. E-mail him at [email protected]. Good-bye.
On Monday, South Korean Lee Bong-Ju ended Kenya’s 10-year
winning streak at the Boston Marathon with a time of two hours,
nine minutes, 43 seconds. He got extra motivation when four
teenagers began chasing him after they heard a 6-foot bong was
going down the street.
It’s funny because I tried to finish a marathon once, but
I stopped when I saw there were no couches and a lot of people
running.
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Japanese slugger Ichiro Suzuki is a big hero in Japan, where his
fans just want a little more. A Japanese publication has reportedly
offered a reward of at least $1 million for a photo of him naked.
It’s a package deal of sorts ““ they’ll deal for
his package.
Suzuki often dresses away from his locker for fear of cameras.
He’s been seen changing in the hallway and behind a clubhouse
pillar.
You’d think the cameras would be looking for Randy
“Big Unit” Johnson, but I guess not.
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The Lakers wrapped up their season Tuesday night against Denver
in a post-deadline game. If they lost the game, proceed to (B). If
they won, proceed past this period coming up.
Through all their problems, injuries and losses to bad teams,
the Lakers are still the Pacific Division kings. This should be a
lesson to any 7-footers out there who struggle at times. Shaquille
O’Neal, who is bigger than me, told reporters that he and
Kobe Bryant have actually not had a problematic relationship this
year.
Shaq continued to belittle the little members of the media:
“You guys don’t have no writing talents or no media
talents, so you’re looking for something to start up. Do your
job. Report what you see. Don’t make (stuff) up.” After
that, Shaq stood up, did a pirouette, put on a pirate’s
eyepatch and began singing the theme song from “Fraggle
Rock.”
(B) Man, the Lakers suck.
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Alex Rodriguez, whose $252 million, 10-year contract is the
largest in sports history, recently returned to Seattle for the
first time since he left for Texas. Some distraught fans threw fake
money from the upper decks, and one held up a sign which read
“A-Rod Please Buy Me A House.” A-Wad does have enough
money to buy over 1,000 fans a new house.
Boy, it’d take me a lot of columns to make as much as him,
and I don’t even get paid for these. A-Rod, who’ll make
almost $70,000 a day for the next decade, pays $9 to see a movie
but earns about $6,000 while he’s watching it. Daylight
savings came and he lost over $2,500. You know how many lap dances
he could get with that much money? At least like 10 or 15.
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NBC’s taped coverage of the Sydney Olympics earned 10
Sports Emmys during a ceremony Monday night in New York. The
network won’t actually receive the awards until next Tuesday.
NBC didn’t give an acceptance speech, saying they’ll
thank everyone later.