Peijean Tsai Tsai believes that the
course of true love would run a lot smoother if we all just got
enough sleep. Tell her your romantic woes at [email protected]. Click
Here for more articles by Peijean Tsai
I was watching an episode of “The Brady Bunch” the
other day, and I found myself entirely jealous of Greg Brady. No,
not for his dreamy blue eyes and groovy good looks, but for how
easy dating was for him, as well as for the rest of his fellow
teen-age friends of the late-’60s and early-’70s.
In the episode, Greg asks a girl on a date to spite his sister
Marcia, who has just begun dating his mortal enemy at school.
Though he has not talked to the girl all year, he has no trouble
approaching her out of the blue and asking her for a date. Greg
easily gets this girl to agree.
Similarly, later in the episode, Marcia’s new beau meets
Greg’s new girlfriend for the first time and asks her on a
date, and she immediately accepts with a cry of “Far
out,” and the two walk off into the sunset holding hands.
True, we cannot all be as slick as Greg Brady, but dating has
become a lot more difficult than it was in those simple days of boy
meets girl, boy courts girl, boy and girl live happily ever
after.
Today’s youths are not necessarily commitment shy because
they are afraid of each other’s cooties; rather, modern mores
reject old traditions and approaches to romance, putting us all
into a state of utter confusion when it comes to the pursuit of
potential partners.
 Illustration by ED OYAMA/Daily Bruin Whereas Greg could
officially ask a girl on a date, setting a clear stage for the
beginning of a relationship, today the so-called date is almost
nonexistent. Today we are more likely to see potential couples not
alone on their first dates but with other friends.
The tendency of modern lovers to not go out on dates stems from
a fear of jumping into a potentially hurtful situation, as the
disintegration of the traditional family in the last few decades
has created jaded views of romance. The fact that divorce rates
have more than quadrupled between 1970 and 1996 has taught us that
romance does not always work out. So why bother?
This abandonment of the traditional picket fence nuclear family
has caused us to be wary of romance, fearing potential commitments
to the point that we prefer casual, non-threatening meetings of
merely “hanging out” to traditional dates.
If the relationship does not work out, then there is no harm
done. After all, he and I did not actually go on a
“real” date, and so he did not actually reject me. No
one gets hurt, and our young, uninjured hearts are free to run
right along to the next potential playmate.
Staying clear of traditional dates does not necessarily
guarantee a lifetime away from heartbreak hotel. Misunderstandings
between potential lovers are more likely to occur when the line
between friendship and love is vague. So not making an official
commitment actually leads to the pain we are trying to avoid in the
first place.
If a man and a woman spend time together as “just
friends,” each may assess the situation completely
differently. The guy may think they are floating together through
the tunnel of love, while she might have no clue of his romantic
intentions and think of him as only a friend.
Since the women’s liberation movement of the late 1960s
and early 1970s, equality of the sexes has improved American
society, leading to progress that has led to fairer treatment of
everyone, regardless of sex. But equality has also led to maximum
confusion in the vicious coliseum of dating.
No longer can females rely on males to make the first move. In
the 21st century, men and women alike can pose the first question
for a date or phone number. This goes for picking up the dinner tab
as well.
In a time when men and women are perceived as equals, paying for
a date becomes a complicated matter. Now a couple must consider who
asked whom for the date, if traditional chivalry should decide that
the man will pay, or even how well the two individuals are
acquainted.
Today it is not uncommon for the woman to pick up the tab or for
the two to split the bill. Going out to dinner in the 21st century
has become a hairy matter emphasizing political correctness and
therefore making first dates a lot more confusing than they used to
be.
Breaking out of the antiquated expectation that the guy pays for
everything on a date also blurs the lines of traditional feminine
and masculine roles, and this is something that is even more
confusing for gay or lesbian couples.
Modern times dictate that dates should not be limited to the
traditional gender roles. When two men or two women go on a date,
and one pays, there is the inevitable perception that one of them
is taking on the traditional masculine role while the other is
“wearing the skirt.” Same-sex couples are thus forced
to deal with the confusion of keeping with ideas of modern times in
the institution of dating.
Modern vernacular has also made our pursuits of love and
relationships more confusing than ever. Romantic slang used to make
more sense than it does today, as expressions were derived from
more literal contexts.
Phrases like “going steady,” “getting
pinned” and “going on a date” clearly
communicated a relationship’s status. The last time I heard
someone use the word “pinned” ““ not counting a
three-hour episode of “WWF Smackdown!” ““ Chachi
and Joanie were on their way to Arnold’s diner in
“Happy Days.”
Instead of these easy-to-interpret slang expressions, today we
use cryptic idioms, like “we’re seeing each
other” or “we’re talking,” to indicate that
two people are either casually dating or possibly interested in
each other. The popular expression “hooking up” is the
most obscure one of all, with its definitions ranging from
exchanging phone numbers to kissing to having sex.
Whereas past expressions had more literal meanings, today there
are many interpretations and possibilities to romantic diction and
syntax, making the state of our potential and established
relationships less obvious.
So has the modern world completely destroyed our chances at true
love? Probably not. Though modern ways have definitely changed
traditional dating, there still is no clear-cut universal approach
to romance and there probably will not ever be one. You have to
figure out what works for you and for each unique situation with
each individual you pursue, whether your model is Greg Brady or
Dawson Leary.
And if the method you choose does not score you that date for
Friday night, then don’t worry about it. Love’s
labour’s lost never did kill anyone.