Adam Karon Karon comes up with 90% of
his column ideas while in the shower. The other half he gets from
the readers. Send your comments and ideas to [email protected].
Please take out your No. 2 pencil, turn to section one and keep
your eyes on your own paper.
We all take standardized tests at some point on our journey
towards that coveted UCLA degree. Some of you recently trekked
through a desert of SATs to arrive at the promised land of Westwood
this fall.
Congratulations and welcome. Others just completed the MCAT and
are well on their way to finding a cure for Trojanitis. Some of us
will take the LSAT on Oct. 6, with hopes of becoming the next
superagent, Scott Boras.
But how many of you actually enjoyed taking those standardized
tests? And how many of those who enjoyed them chase imaginary
butterflies and believe Elvis Grbac is the greatest quarterback who
ever lived? That’s what I thought.
Finally, a standardized test has arrived that will make even the
most weak-kneed worrier relax. It is called the BSAT (Bruin Sports
Aptitude Test), and it is designed to separate the Bruins from the
Bears.
Make sure all marks are dark, and completely erase any mistakes.
There will be one 10 minute break, and please do not go back to
change answers.
You have 30 minutes.
1. Who is the only Bruin to ever win the Heisman Trophy: a)
Terry Donahue; b) Gary Beban; c) Larry Atkins; or d) John
Heisman?
2. What are official school colors according to The UCLA Store:
a) powder blue and yellow; b) Berkeley blue and gold; c) royal blue
and yellow; or d) royal, powder and navy blues and yellow, as well
as orange, green, Hawaiian print, white, brown, gray and anything
else we might buy?
3. How many Trojans does it take to change a light bulb: a) One,
but the light bulb can’t be too bright; b) Two, one to ring
the au pair for a light bulb, and other to call his daddy to
install it; c) One, but she just holds the light bulb and the world
revolves around her; or d) all of the above?
4. Which of the following UCLA athletic teams won national
championships last year: a) women’s gymnastics; b)
women’s indoor track; c) men’s water polo; or d) all of
the above?
5. Which sport will be elevated to varsity status for 2001: a)
noisy construction climbing; b) co-ed parking space hunting; c)
women’s crew; or d) team freshman move-in (a race up and down
crowded stairways cluttered with televisions, computers and extra
clothes that will probably never be worn)?
6. Who has thrown the most career intramural interceptions in
UCLA history: a) Adam Karon?
7. True or False: UCLA’s home football field is further
away from campus than rival USC’s home field.
8. True or False: USC has won more national championships than
UCLA.
9. True or True: John Wooden is the greatest basketball coach of
all time.
10. True or False: a UCLA home football game has never rained
out (think trick question).
11. True or False: UCLA women’s indoor track has won two
straight national championships and YOU didn’t know that
(think trick question, again).
12. True or False: a UCLA student could survive for one year on
free junk given away along Bruin Walk.
Congratulations, you have just completed the first annual BSAT.
Please compute your score using the answer at the bottom of the
page. Remember you are operating under the UCLA code of honor, so
please be honest otherwise you’d only be cheating
yourself.
If you scored a perfect 12, get a blood test since you probably
bleed Bruin Blue.
Ten or 11 correct makes you an official UCLA athletic supporter,
and I don’t mean the protective variety. Get yourself fitted
for a low-cut v-neck sweater or a high-cut skirt because you are
eligible to join the UCLA cheer squad.
Eight or nine correct answers earns you free admission to any
UCLA sport except football or men’s basketball.
Seven correct answers earns you the privilege of wearing my Jim
Everett jersey for one day.
Five or six correct means you need a little work on your UCLA
sports knowledge. Your prize is a free lunch with Daily Bruin
sports editor Scott Schultz who guarantees to raise your score, so
long as you pay for his meal.
If you scored below five, you should seriously consider
enrolling at USC. We’ll do the paperwork for you.
Answer Key:
1) B, 2) D, 3) D, 4) D, 5) C, 6) A. 7) True, 8) False, 9) True,
10) True. 11) True for most of you and 12) True.