Mike Maloney Keep this up and come
January they may have to break out “The Rose Bowl
Shuffle.” Maloney is an excellent driver, but only on
Tuesdays. E-mail him at [email protected].
This is how the ’85 Chicago Bears used to do it. They
didn’t just beat their opponents. They destroyed them.
When you stop and think about it, UCLA’s 38-7 romp over
Oregon State had that distinct ’85 Bears flavor.
All the same pieces were in place: a dominant running game, a
couple of big plays through the air and a defense more suffocating
than those plastic bags your grandma always worried you’d put
over your head as a kid.
For the Bears, the magical 1985 campaign saw them go 18-1, win a
Super Bowl and create perhaps the most thoroughly entertaining rap
video of all time (aptly titled “The Super Bowl
Shuffle,” for those of you who don’t care to
remember).
The result was a cross-continental cult following that spawned a
recurring Saturday Night Live skit. From then on, the team was
simply referred to as “Da’ Bears!”
For the Bruins, their potentially magical season is still young.
But after Saturday’s annihilation of the Beavers, a
comparison to one of football’s great teams doesn’t
seem so far fetched. The Bears had Ditka, Payton, McMahon, Dent and
Singletary. The Bruins have Toledo, Foster, Paus, Coleman and
Thomas. The names are different but so far, the results are the
same.
Nowhere is the comparison more compelling than at running back,
where DeShaun Foster eats up yards and accolades in bunches just
like the Walter Payton. Now, it might seem a bit unfair to compare
Foster to Payton; after all, the latter just happens to be the
NFL’s all-time leading rusher. But the two do share a similar
running style. Like Payton, Foster’s runs have only just
begun when the first defender makes contact. And let’s face
it, there’s only one word fit to describe Foster’s stat
line of 31 carries for 147 yards and three touchdowns ““
“Sweetness.”
And just like Payton, Foster is buoyed by a passing game that
can stretch the field. Come on, Cory Paus’ last second,
38-yard touchdown strike to Brian Poli-Dixon in the first half had
Jim McMahon to Willie Gault written all over it.
Now, it’s important to remember, this Bruin club
isn’t exactly a carbon copy of “Da’ Bears.”
After all, you’d be hard pressed to find similarities between
Paus and McMahon off the field. Well, that is unless Paus starts
riding a Harley, screaming at his coaches, and flipping off
everyone as he strolls through campus.
But hey, Paus is from Illinois (i.e. Bear Country). You never
know, he might don a white headband with “NCAA SUCKS”
scrawled across it to promote a new rebel image in two weeks
against Washington. Jason Kapono has to have an extra headband
lying around that he could borrow.
And sure, Bob Toledo may not remind many of Mike Ditka. But if
you give him some gum, dark shades and a fake mustache, nobody
thirty rows up in the seats would be the wiser. You throw in a few
rumors about high blood pressure, include a few altercations with
his players during practice and, suddenly, a few of his assistants
might even be fooled.
Okay, so some of these direct comparisons may be a bit of a
stretch, but one that becomes more relevant every weekend can be
found on the defensive side of the ball. The ’85 Bears were
defined by their defense, arguably the most dominant unit in NFL
history. At this rate, the UCLA defense may make a similar mark in
the collegiate history books.
If you discard Oregon State’s 63-yard touchdown run during
garbage time in the fourth quarter, the Bruin defense has given up
a combined 323 total yards in the last two weeks. Those kinds of
numbers would make even Buddy Ryan blush.
About the only thing these Bruins are missing is “The
Fridge.” And who could forget the Bears’ lovable
325-pound-plus William “The Refrigerator” Perry, what
with his dominant play in the trenches and his days moonlighting as
a goal-line fullback? Maybe defensive tackle Ken Kocher could start
referring to himself as “The Dorm Room Mini-Fridge.”
Just a thought.
After Saturday’s carnage in Corvallis, at least one thing
was clear ““ the Bruins destroyed their opponent. Oregon State
linebacker James Allen might have put it best: “We got beat
down today. We got it brought to us in our own home.”
Da’ Bruins, they’re 4-0, blowing teams away like a
mighty gust from the Windy City.