Illustration by JENNY YURSHANSKY/Daily Bruin Â
Ariana Brookes Brookes is a fourth-year English
student who wouldn’t read these columns either. E-mail her at
[email protected].
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All of the problems I have with modern day relationships can be
found within the songs of ’60s girl groups. How so?
Contemplate these lyrics, “My boyfriend’s back, and
you’re gonna be in trouble.”
Sounds innocent enough I guess, but my question is, what did
this other guy do that landed him in the hot seat? Oh, right, he
dared to like her even though she was in a relationship.
Let’s say that the girl in the song is about 16. Her
boyfriend has been off doing who knows what, and another guy has
become interested in her. However, she shuns this new guy, and
threatens him with retroaction, all in defense of the exclusive
relationship she has with her absent boyfriend. My question is:
Should a teenage girl be in a relationship so serious that it
causes her to sing a cheesy, male chauvinist pop song?
This type of song has become the Ally McBeal-esque soundtrack to
my life lately. I look at myself,as well as other girls at UCLA,
and wonder if we are doing disservice to ourselves by being in
committed relationships. We’re in our late teens and early
20s, ages in which we no longer have to obey our parents’
curfews. We are free to have our own social lives. And yet, rather
than exploring the wide world of dating at UCLA, we find ourselves
in serious relationships.
I know, I know, this sounds like a “grass is
greener”-type argument. We start off by complaining that we
want boyfriends, and then when we get them we mourn over losses of
freedom. We wait for some young hottie in our English class to
notice us, and when he does we begin to wonder whether there is
someone else we might rather date.
It is at this point that the rationalizations begin. We go to
our friends, co-workers and siblings (pretty much anyone other than
our parents) with the same questions: “Am I still allowed to
date other guys?” “If I never actually told him that we
are exclusive, does that mean I can still flirt with so and so in
my class?” “Am I too young to be tied down?”
Almost without fail they answer, “If you are still interested
in other guys, maybe you need to be dating more than just one
person.”
In all fairness, not every girl in a committed relationship acts
like this. I have friends who’ve been dating the same guys
for three years and are satisfied with their situations. They tell
me that when I find the right person I won’t want to date
anyone else. They suggest that maybe I’m just not ready for
commitment. Interesting, but maybe being ready for commitment
isn’t the problem.
I mean hey, our boyfriends are nice enough guys. They treat us
well, they make us laugh, they look hot in those ribbed sweaters
… and yet all we can think about is flirting with that other guy.
What is wrong with us? Our parents were getting engaged when they
were our age. If I told my mother that I wasn’t sure if I
wanted to be exclusive with my boyfriend she’d tell me that I
was out of my mind. So what’s the problem here?
Are we just flighty? Should we thank God that we found someone
nice to be with? Should we chastise ourselves every time someone
else turns our heads? This is the issue that I have been racking my
brain over. Is there something wrong with us, or is there something
wrong with a society that expects us to be attached at the hip at
the age of 21?
I’m beginning to think that the solution is not as
convoluted as it appears to be. I believe in monogamy, but not
before I’m ready for it. There are some people who are ready
to settle down while they are still in college, but for those of us
who are not, there has to be an alternative. I’m not
suggesting that we pimp ourselves out to any guy who is ready and
willing at the local apartment party. However, I do believe that
the time to date without commitment is now, and not when we are 30
and realize that we got married too young.
It is natural to be attracted to more than one guy. It is normal
for us to be curious about dating guys other than our boyfriends.
After talking to many people about this issue I have decided that
as long as we don’t lead these guys on, there is nothing
wrong with exploring our options. The time for us is now. How can
we be ready to commit to one person if we don’t even know
what is out there? How can we know if someone is right for us if we
haven’t pursued any other alternative?
Maybe we should be forming our own opinions about dating, rather
than just accepting what society (and our mothers) tell us is the
correct behavior. We will never again be free to date for the soul
purpose of enjoyment and education, so why deny ourselves this
chance while it is still available to us?