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It’s difficult to determine whether USC has appropriate
school colors. On the one hand, red is the color of communists (an
obvious conflict of interest for U$C). But on the other hand, what
other color would suit a school constantly blushing in disillusion
and embarrassment?
After all, last year, USC quarterback Carson Palmer threw more
interceptions than touchdowns ““ he made the best of his
talent this season as well, helping the Trojans start off with a
nice, fat losing streak. USC allegedly considered changing its
school chant to: “Red, red, throw it to the red!”
Residing in the dark shadows of UCLA, constantly being the
“Other L.A. School” has given USC subconscious
self-esteem issues. Why would a school name its mascot after
historical losers? And why have they maintained their mascot in
light of it’s current associations with condoms ““
objects of artificial impotence, man-made-man-inhibiting barriers
of fruition?
But even when USC does achieve some amount of respect, they find
a way to lose it: for a school whose communications department is
among the nation’s top ten, it’s sad they can only put
out an eight-page daily paper.
Maybe it’s better that adequate journalism doesn’t
exist in their school ““ journalists who might otherwise
report on the “quality” of USC education. We
wouldn’t want their self-esteem to continue eroding until it
reaches Trojan point guard Brandon Granville’s height.
USC needs the support of its fans now more than ever for
tomorrow’s game. And while one might turn to the
school’s cheering squad to lead the way, it only takes
another look at USC’s male cheerleaders to beg to differ.
The USC male cheerleaders’ cheering routine consists of
three men holding another man up flat, while a fifth man climbs on
top of him. That’s all. No, really. Let’s just hope
they’re not at the peak of their creative renaissance ““
after all, wearing 1950s school sweaters isn’t anything
that’ll make Giorgio Armani go crazy. It’s a wonder our
credit-card-carrying crosstown cronies haven’t purchased
anything better.
Not that it would help: USC can’t even create a school
chant with a rhythm … it just trails off at the end, hoping the
crowd can make sense of it. UCLA may only have a cheer consisting
of eight claps, but at least we’re consistent.
And that’s because we can recognize patterns ““
something they teach us at school (without a 12.4 percent annual
interest rate).
But like every year, USC has a chance to redeem itself and bring
some glory down under if it defeats UCLA tomorrow. Let’s hope
UCLA can keep its envious, albeit self-psyched little brother in
its place.
It may be difficult to admit failure ““ and it may be
difficult to constantly be “The Other” ““ but
mutual respect is always a must … even after being carried off
the field in Porsches after a bludgeoning.