Schapel is editor in chief of FEM magazine.
By Amanda Schapel
In a recent submission, Lauren Black suggests several innovative
solutions to eliminate abortion troubles from our national
consciousness (“Abortion is murder; it should be made
illegal,” Viewpoint, Jan. 29). But she doesn’t realize
that the only true solution is to advocate lesbianism for the
masses.
Black’s suggestions only feed into the same-old circular
debates that go back and forth something like this:
“Women have the right to choose, you despot!”
“Oh yeah? Well, you’re a homicidal liberal
executioner! Boo-yah!”
Is abortion murder and small-time terrorism? Perhaps. Is it also
a medical procedure that has meant greater sexual freedom and
control for women? Of course. Both sides are dead-set in their
opinions, as Black demonstrates. If only she knew that she has the
power to help eliminate the need for abortion without impinging on
women’s rights by promoting lesbian love.
Like many anti-abortionists, Black says abortion is acceptable
in cases of rape and incest. But what if you believe, as Andrea
Dwarkin suggests, that all heterosexual sex is rape? Granted, the
view is radical, but how would courts actually determine the
boundaries of rape? Accusing a man of rape would become a loophole
in the abortion law, one that would tarnish men’s records and
cast doubt on actual rape victims.
The incest issue is also tricky. If your religion says, as the
Bible does, that all humans evolve from a primal pair of lovers,
then we have a problem. Aren’t all babies the products of
incest, brothers and sisters under God?
Black also says judges should force a woman to have her baby if
she is recklessly pregnant, insensitive and
“cold-blooded.” Aside from the fact that the kid would
be instantly blessed with the worst parent imaginable, the
logistics of the trial seem a bit strange. The baby’s wishes,
says Black, would need to be “especially”
considered.
“Baby, do you want to live?”
If only Baby could answer. It’s hard to read babies, which
is why the Supreme Court eventually decided to side with the
talking members of the population.
But what if that itsy-bitsy baby is alive, and wants to live
later on when it’s conscious of being alive? Shouldn’t
it be able to grow, like a seed, inside the mother’s
womb?
Imagine you have a garden at your house, with lots of pretty
flowers, and a dandelion seed floats down and starts making more
little dandelions. Who are you to pick it, you foul beast?
It’s alive. The dandelion obviously wants to live. Now take a
moment to think about the gardener that weeds your flowerbed. What
kind of human being takes another life for pay? An executioner,
that’s who.
So Black has a point. Who would say the world has too many
dandelions? One person’s dandelion is another person’s
flower.
By continuing to debate in worn-out abortion rhetoric,
we’ll always end up with the “It’s a baby ““
it’s a burden” fight. Unless, of course, we opt for the
universal solution to abortion: lesbianism.
Lesbians don’t have to worry about birth control. They can
enjoy unlimited, guilt-free sex with nary a care to dangerous
spermlets. Once they’re good and ready to have kids, they
simply pick and choose among a range of potential daddies with
sober, pheromone-free judgment.
If more women would make the brave decision to become lesbians,
we wouldn’t have to worry about unwanted babies. Many women
already feel strong bonds to their fellow kind, and some have paved
the way toward a full lesbian identity by engaging in playful
college “experimentation.”
Lesbianism, though a big step, might be easier to achieve than
you think. UCLA has an excellent support network to guide
interested students through the coming-out process, from rap groups
to mentoring to social events.
I think this is a real opportunity for both sides of the
abortion debate to come together. No one wants dead babies, right?
And no one wants a woman to be forced into pregnancy either. Even
if we’re not strong enough to choose the lesbian path
ourselves, at least we can promote it as the responsible solution
to abortion.
As Black says, “Complete sex education should be given to
all teenagers.” Most teenage girls aren’t that excited
about pregnancy, so adoption education may fall on deaf ears. And
abstinence gets laughed out of sex ed. Alternate sexuality
education just might work where the other outreach campaigns have
failed.
I don’t imagine that lesbianism will be the right solution
for everyone, but I’m pretty sure it will cut down on the
necessity to murder babies. That would make the anti-abortion crowd
happy. It also offers the ideal setting for women to choose to be
pregnant on their own terms, which would please the abortion rights
camp. Give it a while ““ lesbianism is the answer you’ve
been waiting for.