By Keely Hedges
[email protected]
Some guys strike out before even stepping to the plate. These
are the batters who lack tact and discretion when hitting on girls.
And while some guys feel that they are charming enough to woo women
with their come-ons, little do they know that location plays a huge
role in execution. For no matter how witty your one-liners may be,
setting alone determines the fate of your efforts.
For some reason, males possess an innate sensibility to approach
the opposite sex in the worst of arenas. The three of which are
undoubtedly the worst include the beach, the gym and the library,
all of which are venues men go to looking for love.
A male’s perception of the beach involves scantily-clad
women basking in the sunlight amid lush sand and cool breezes.
However, this optimistic illusion could be no further from the
truth. For women, the beach is a place that lends insecurity
coupled with extreme embarrassment. Wearing that swimsuit we swore
fit last year while trying earnestly to gain some pigment on our
ghostly white bodies is what the beach is all about. We come alone
to avoid visually scaring those people we call friends, and all we
really want to do is be alone, burn, and get some much needed
slumber. The absolutely last thing we want to do is engage in any
conversation with some random guy who yells “hey” from
across the beach.
The gym: hot bodies in sports-bras and spandex, right? Now
gentlemen, I’m not sure if you’ve been to the Wooden
Center lately, but I’m pretty sure most of the ladies are
more interested in working out than giving out phone numbers.
There’s nothing like being approached by a guy while on
the stairmaster, pitted out and reeking of sweat. Sure, the nice
shade of red my face has turned is probably what attracted you, but
what about the fact that I’m wearing no makeup and the
clothes I have on are rags from high school. What’s even
better is when we’re wearing headphones or reading a book,
and the guy has to poke us to get our attention. Not only have you
interrupted my concentration, but also have touched my warm, sweaty
skin.
If that’s not a turn-off, I don’t know what is.
The library is a sacred institution where one goes to engage in
the learning process so vital to our time here at UCLA. The effort
one goes to even get there and actually study is quite a
commendable feat by itself. And yet, some guys out there use the
library as their stomping ground for picking up and chatting with
the ladies. First and foremost, isn’t there a universal
library rule disallowing conversation? Second, do you think we put
some time into looking all pretty for the library? Thirdly, do you
think we go there interested in meeting some guys? The library is
about the last place I want to make small talk with someone
I’ve just met, as well as the place I care least about what I
look like.
Now that we’ve discussed the places where a guy’s
game doesn’t stand a chance, I’ll briefly give you the
lowdown on where you should apply those oh-so-clever come-ons. The
first thing to remember is that girls would rather be approached
when looking somewhat decent, rather than when drenched with sweat
or surrounded by books. This is an obvious idea that men succeed in
overlooking.
Second, come and talk to us when we’re not engaged in any
serious activity. There’s obviously a reason why we choose to
wear headphones or hurriedly scramble to take notes.
Last, if you do decide to test your skills at one of the three
aforementioned locales, learn to take a hint. If we’re not
interested, we never will be, so don’t stick around long
enough to make a situation uncomfortable.
Sticking to bars and parties are some of your best bets when
approaching women. But don’t rule out pre/post-lecture, as
well as in discussion, as equally great places for putting on the
moves. There is nothing more flattering and exciting than to break
the monotony of summer by being approached by the opposite sex.
So gentlemen, seize the day and come and talk.
We only ask that you be more on the ball in how you play the
game.