I commend the Daily Bruin’s editorial on the memory of
Cindy Rabuy “Rabuy’s model service should be
remembered” (April 4) for setting her as a prime example of a
student activist. But I wanted to highlight another aspect of
Cindy I think we can all learn from: her capacity to be loving.
I read a book last year by bell hooks, a black social critic and
feminist theorist, titled “All About Love: New
Visions.” Given hooks’ history of radical works on
race, gender and class, I was a little skeptical to learn
she’d written a book on love. Because our society is
inundated with best-selling self-help books like “Men Are
from Mars, Women Are From Venus” that merely reinforce
existing assumptions about gender, I thought hooks finally sold
out. I was pleasantly surprised that hooks’ book is not some
sort of guide, but a theory that challenges us to redefine our
definition of love. Oftentimes, when we think of the word
love, we think of a feeling. We think of that
“force” between Romeo and Juliet, or that feeling we
had as a child when our parents took us to Disneyland or bought us
that Christmas gift we always wanted. Hooks disregards such
simplicity and claims love is an action. Love is not something
you can merely “fall” into or lose control of, nor is
love simply a matter of pleasing someone, or satisfying his or her
desires with hugs and kisses. Love is something that you
do. Love is a verb. Love is a choice characterized by
responsibility, respect, commitment, honesty, trust, mutuality and
affection that leads to the spiritual growth and self-fulfillment
of others. Cindy epitomized all of these qualities.
Cindy demonstrated extreme dedication to improving the lives of
individuals in many ways, but I knew her most for her involvement
with the Pilipino community through SPEAR, the Samahang Pilipino
Education and Retention program, which provides peer counseling and
academic support to students. Her ability to listen attentively to
dozens of her students’ stresses and concerns, and make them
a part of her life is a testimony to her loving
personality.Â
She was also a woman of conviction, a visionary who knew what
she thought needed to change on campus. She did not simply follow
the dominant thought of those above her, and when she witnessed
something wrong, she refused to follow the herd. More importantly,
if she noticed something in you that showed promise and potential
to benefit the community, she did not hesitate to push you to the
next level, refusing to allow your talents to go to waste. It
was because of her that I got involved with various students groups
and ran for certain positions, even though I did not fully have the
confidence to do so. In fact, many times she probably believed
in me more than I believed in myself. She was the catalyst for
so many people who set off internal chain reactions that made you
discover talents and magic you thought you never had.
But the one thing I will always remember Cindy for is her
ability to challenge others. She made me realize how
cold-hearted I could be toward people, even those close to
me. She exposed to me my narcissism. I didn’t know
how to listen, so when I spoke with her, the conversation
always centered on me. Finally, we were talking one night
last year and she opened up and started telling me some of the
conflicts she was going through. And when I put down the
phone, it hit me: I had known this person for a year and a
half, and I knew nothing about who she really was. She makes
you feel so good about yourself and provides you with so much
inspiration, that you forget to ask, “So, what about
you? How are you doing?” So from that point on, I
made a commitment to change.Â
Not only did she challenge me on my arrogance, but she also
served as an example of what a loving person should be. She
always talked about her loving sisters, whom she got along with so
well. I remember the affection she displayed toward her friends,
and the way she would talk about the people close to her. She
helped me discover that to love is also to be happy, and I aspire
to follow her example.
But Cindy was not a machine. She was a human being just like the
rest of us who needed validation. Sometimes all of this
activism, this selfless commitment to others can tire a person
out. One night at the the beginning of summer, she expressed
to me how unappreciated she felt and questioned whether or not all
those years of service, and countless hours of dedication to the
community at the sacrifice of her grades and social life was worth
it. At that moment of vulnerability, I reminded her to just
look back at all of the lives she’s touched with her
friendship, including mine.
We all have people like Cindy in our lives, and it’s up to
us not only to follow their example to become active and loving,
but to start appreciating and celebrating them while they’re
alive. She helped teach me the importance of family and
friendship. She inspired and believed in
me. And more importantly, she showed me what bell
hooks could only describe in a book: love is not just a feeling,
love is an action.
Lalas is a 2002 UCLA alumnus and former Daily Buin Viewpoint
editor.