A football player’s emotional journey
Out of all the places I’ve played football and all the
places I have lived, I’ve never received so much support by
people who really care. Thank you so much for all the support and
love.
I remember my journey well. I remember the bus rides, the people
I met along the way ““ the great state of California.
I’ve had a dream since I was small to make films, and I
began to remember that dream in my sophomore year of high school,
and considered UCLA to be my university of choice. But there is
something you didn’t know about my decision. It wasn’t
in the newspapers, the interviews or even in my own mind when I
talked to people who supported me.
My dream at UCLA was to go to a great film school and pursue a
film career. But I realized something when I finally got here.
Football is my ticket, my first love. I was so gung-ho about
getting into film school that I left football behind. Of course, I
knew I was coming here to play ball, but in my own mind it
wasn’t as important as getting into film school.
It took hard times and surgeries to help me look into it. I
remember at fall camp when everyone wanted to interview me about
being out here, I felt so overwhelmed. Everything was about
Hollywood or films, nothing about football.
I even remember (quarterback) Cory Paus asking me, “Hey
Kirby, are you out here for football or to be a
director?”
That hit me really hard. After a lot of thinking and praying, I
came to the conclusion that I betrayed something that was so
special to me I didn’t even know it.
With great apologies, I feel that I have to go back and reclaim
my love. It wasn’t the program here at UCLA, nor the coaches
and players. They were all great to me. Rather, it is simply my own
closed-minded ambition.
Whenever you have a dream you want to pursue it to the fullest.
You want to bring everything, all of your talents with you on every
decision you make in your life.
I don’t regret a thing, not one bus ride or surgery. I
learned a lot about myself here at UCLA. I learned that I am very
courageous, brave, and I learned a lot about my faults. When I have
a dream or vision, I stick to it.
I haven’t played football for a year and it will be two
years before I play again, but this is not the last chapter in my
life that will include Los Angeles. I will go to Tulane and
concentrate on football while majoring in theatre with a minor in
music. After school I plan to explore all of my opportunities in
football. Once my explorations in football are at an end, I plan to
apply to UCLA’s graduate film program.
I do not regret a thing. Life teaches us lessons and I learned a
big one. To any student-athlete I would give this advice: Bring it
all. Don’t leave anything behind, because if you do
you’re in for a long journey.
Kirby Joseph
Joseph is a first-year undeclared student who left the football
team earlier this month.