I had just trudged up the stairs to the first floor of Ackerman
on a typical UCLA afternoon when I spotted a wrapped fortune cookie
on the floor, undoubtedly lost in the joy of someone’s
two-item Panda Express combo.
Being the opportunistic person that I am, I swiped the cookie
and cracked open my fortune: A COMFORTABLE SALARY AWAITS YOU. That
got me to thinking. …
November 10, 2011: an ordinary futuristic day is suddenly
interrupted by an extraordinary phone call.
“JP? It’s the Stat Geek,” said Gil Quinonez,
president of the Elias Sports Bureau.
“Are they still paying you for that?” I replied
sarcastically.
“Yes,” he said. An awkward 4-second silence
followed.
“Look,” he continued, “tomorrow’s 11-11-11,
and I was hoping to get a bunch of the old crew together to
celebrate. Are you in?”
“Yes,” I said. An awkward 4-second silence
followed.
“Can I assume you want me to call everyone up?” I
asked.
“Yes,” he said. Another awkward silence.
“Bye, Gil.”
Within an hour, I had assembled quite a crew. Jeff Agase had
just flown into L.A. from Cuba, where he was scouting pitching
prospects (it got a lot easier, he said, after Fidel Castro died in
March).
Daniel Miller and Dylan Hernandez agreed to take a day off from
their editor-in-chief duties at, respectively, Competitive Eating
Monthly and Nuevo Boxeo magazines.
Vytas Mazeika and Oshin Aivazian were eager to come, seeing as
how they had little to do after being kicked out of the
Dodgers’ spring fantasy camp (Vytas “allegedly”
slugged Paul LoDuca in the jaw; Oshin “intentionally”
hit Vytas back “because Paul’s a hero”).
Jessica Bach and Brian Kiley had a rare day off from the set of
“Good Morning Sacramento,” where apparently, Brian
pulls the “straight-shooting white guy” act to
Jessica’s “spunky female sidekick” routine.
“It plays quite well in cowtown,” according to
Jessica.
Greg Schain was already in L.A. for the weekend for the Nobel
Prize awards; quite a story there. Apparently, FOX bought the
rights to the ceremony, moved it to the Kodak Theater during sweeps
month and invited Bernie Mac to host. Greg was nominated for the
economics prize after he rewrote the textbooks on gambling theory.
“It’s too damned complicated to explain over the
friggin’ phone,” he said.
Diamond Leung, Jeff Eisenberg and Bruce Tran told their editor
at TheInsiders.com that there was a hot basketball prospect at
Fairfax High with “LeBron James-like potential, minus the
degenerative hand condition they found a few years back,” and
each was on the first plane to L.A.
Diamond said he planned on inviting USC math professor Dr. Sean
Wang. Bruce asked if it was okay if he brought his girlfriend.
Scott Schultz’ one-man show, “Tuesdays with
Scottie,” had just ended its four-day run at the Geffen
Playhouse, and he had nothing better to do until he took off for
Miami.
He asked if it was okay if he brought an eighth.
I myself couldn’t wait to get out of the office; after
all, I’ve been secretly living in the sports section for the
last nine years.
Bet the fortune cookie didn’t see that one coming.
Hoornstra was the Daily Bruin Sports editor.