All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten” …
and “from shopping” … and “from The
Simpsons” … and “from Star Wars.”
You’ve seen these kinds of posters before. You may even
have one hanging up in your cramped Dykstra Hall dorm room.
(Don’t get me wrong, I love Dykstra. I spent my first two
years as a Bruin there.)
Well, all I really need to know about UCLA, and probably a
decent chunk about life in general, too, I learned at the Daily
Bruin. So here it goes:
Bruins are “students,” not “majors.”
Trojans are just useless ““ except as condoms.
Save everything.
“When in doubt, take it out,” as one editor put it.
(“You can’t be sued for libel for something that
isn’t there,” clarified another.)
Even the most progressively minded pinko Greens will succumb to
stereotypes ““ and often that’s OK. Don’t be so
goddamn PC all the time.
In the 21st century, extensive conversations can take place via
e-mail. And that’s scary.
A bottle of Heineken ““ or two, or three ““ goes a
long way in bandaging wounds.
Yes, there are tunnels underneath campus.
Yes, there are people in this world who don’t appreciate
tomatoes.
Those pesky cliques you hated in high school will follow you no
matter where you go.
There is a niche for you on campus, but always remember
there’s a campus outside that niche.
In the grand scheme of things, missing commas don’t
matter.
When people stop saying “I don’t care” or
“So what?” ““ that’s when you know
you’ve made a difference.
What you do will have a profound effect on someone or
something.
The most vital skill you could gain is the ability to take a
step back and to actively watch the world around you, to read it,
to be an active observer.
You are here to learn ““ and learning doesn’t take
place only in the classroom.
The people you think you can count on the most are usually the
people you can really count on ““ and learn from. You know who
you are ““ thank you.
Joining a group of wildly different people in a setting that
blurs all distinctions between the academic, professional,
extracurricular and partying realms is the best thing I did at
UCLA, for many reasons ““ but mostly because it made me
realize that, though I love journalism at The Bruin, it’s not
how I want to spend the rest of my life.
In short, it’s just not me.
After three long years on staff, I feel like Bilbo Baggins at
the beginning of “The Fellowship of the Ring.”
I’ve had this ring of power for a while now, and it’s
allowed me to do some amazing things. But ultimately it’s
just left me with a feeling of weariness, of being spread too
thin.
Now it’s my time to retire ““ to join the elves in
the Undying Lands.
So Maegan Carberry: You can have the journalism program. I
don’t want it. But keep this in mind: it’ll be under
the Corey McEleney College of Letters and Science.
McEleney was the Daily Bruin managing editor.