I’m sitting in the office right now before deadline,
surrounded by a horde of staff members rushing to complete yet
another paper.
A new, ambitious writer to my left is furiously typing away with
a phone in his hand. I pass him a sly smile which he won’t
understand until he has been here a little longer.
But one day, he too will wonder when he started slaving 12 hours
a day for a paper that the average, apathetic student takes for
granted.
I can tell him that at times, he will look at the paper and the
people around him and think he has found fulfillment.
Inevitably, on other days he will storm out of the office, angry
enough to sue, as he swears he won’t come in again the next
day.
He’ll be back the next day.
I’m sure I’ve set a record for threatening to quit
The Bruin the most times. Last year, I wrote a late night e-mail to
my editors titled “She’s not crying wolf,” about
how this time, I was serious about never coming back. Lo and
behold, I’m still here.
Sometimes, I curse the day I decided to work for The Bruin,
comparing it to a whip-cracking, crazy boyfriend from whom I
can’t wrest myself away.
More often, I look at the paper and at myself, and know that
working here is the one of the best decisions I made in
college.
I entered the Bruin as a shy, quiet girl, clinging to a
protective Jewish shell I couldn’t let go of. I was afraid to
speak up and more afraid of being independent.
So at first, my stories were mediocre ““ at best. I
didn’t have good stories because I didn’t ask the hard
questions. I thought it would be easier to be complacent.
But somewhere along the way, I really learned about journalism.
Like so many things in life, it’s about finding all the
facts, even when it’s easier to ignore them. It’s about
finding another perspective. It’s about learning to listen,
even when it’s hard to hear, because everyone has a story to
tell. Most importantly, it is about being true to yourself and to
the mission of the paper. A story that doesn’t reflect the
truth isn’t worth writing in the first place.
I’ve put a lot of time, sweat, laughter and tears into The
Bruin. I’ve tried hard to write stories that would change
things or at least make people think. Looking back, I think only a
handful of them ever did. But I’ve changed.
For a long time, I was upset because I thought my best stories
were so heavily edited that they weren’t even mine.
I didn’t realize that stories aren’t about the
bylines ““ they are about the words beneath them.
Stories belong to the people they are written for, and they
shouldn’t be written to gain nods of approval from sources or
editors. Stories only belong to writers when the stories change and
teach writers.
The stories I’ve worked on and the people I’ve
worked with have changed me.
To the people who invested as much time and energy into me as I
put into this paper, thank you.
I’m grateful for every story, every moment and every
conversation, even the hard ones. I’m a better journalist and
a stronger person than the girl you saw enter ““ and I’m
happy about that.
Makabi was a Daily Bruin assistant news editor.