As college students, our daily verbal discourse is quite varied
““ presentations, talking to professors, peers, roommates,
co-workers and so on. By now, most of us know how to adapt to our
audience in order to receive our desired response. But public
speech aside, a new dilemma arises ““ bedroom talk.
There is no workshop for this, no lesson plan, not even a
widespread accepted list of dos and don’ts. And let’s
be honest; there is no room for being politically correct while in
the throes of passion.
Sex should be about all five senses. Though taste, smell, touch,
and sight are all a given in any sexual situation, sound is one
aspect we all have to work at. If we think about sex in a mental
way, along with the physical, and learn to stimulate ourselves
through our words, we can arouse our partners and enhance the
experience.
Now, there is one basic rule to discuss before I continue:
Gentlemen, we know you watch porn. We have seen it in your bedroom.
It’s no secret. Chances are the girl you are with has seen a
bit also. Please do not rehearse or plan your dirty words before
the appropriate time. It’s obvious, and it sounds like a
cheesy porn film. Be creative ““ let your inhibitions go, and
forget what Jenna Jameson said to “Guy #1″ in her
latest hit.
Anyone can be a good talker during sex, but there are levels to
dirty talk that run a parallel with having experience with a
particular partner. For beginners ““ and if you and your
partner are new to each other ““ instructional dirty talk is
best. It helps you get to know what feels good to each other, and
it creates that mental stimulation we all need. An easy opener is
to tell your partner what you plan to do to him or her. This can
either be done in person or on the phone ““ either way it
creates anticipation and an urge for the other.
A good variation of this is simply telling your partner what you
are doing as you do it. Instead of a warning like before, simply
whispering in your partner’s ear exactly what you’re
doing will enhance the physical action.
For your personal pleasure, tell your partner out loud what you
would like him or her to do to you. Then, add in how it’s
making you feel or how your partner’s body feels to you. This
is especially effective ““ and sexy ““ because it creates
a dirty conversation, and each partner is receiving what he or she
wants.
For a couple that is a bit more comfortable with each other,
have a little more fun with it. Role play, have phone sex, suggest
different fantasies, let everything out of your mouth naturally,
not because it’s dirty but because the trust is there ““
and it’s fun!
Don’t forget to use a little discretion. Talking dirty to
arouse your partner and confessing your intimate thoughts are two
different things, and confusing the two can lead to a blue-ball
situation. For example, “Touch me here. It makes me
hot,” is very different from, “I love you. You are the
one.”
I don’t care how good it is. What you say in bed is only
as effective as how true it is. Come on. Let’s control our
mouths, people. We know exactly what we want going into the
situation, so let’s try to leave with the same expectations.
Your words should work for you, not against you.
Madrid is a fourth-year philosophy student.