By Ronni Sanlo
An unusual incident occurred a couple of weeks ago. Over a
two-night period, someone broke the windows of the UCLA LGBT
Resource Center, stole our flags, attempted to enter, and in
general made mincemeat of our nerves. Thankfully, no one was
injured and nothing inside the center was damaged.
But was it so unusual? We certainly don’t expect these
kinds of things to happen here. After all, it’s 2004, this is
Los Angeles and UCLA has done a tremendous amount of work toward
the inclusion of all populations.
Anti-gay incidences are not supposed to happen here.
But one did. Exactly one year to the day of our moving into this
large beautiful space, the center experienced its first physical
attack in its 10-year history.
My initial action was to make sure the center was protected from
further attacks and that students who come here are safe.
University police, Facilities Management and the Student Activities
Center building staff all acted quickly to begin the investigation
and clean the horrible mess of glass, rocks, bricks and dirt.
They then placed protective lexan over our windows. With the
earthquake retrofitting and the lexan securely mounted, this place
is now like Fort Knox; it may be the safest place on campus.
The departments in the Student Activities Center, including the
Center for Women and Men, ROTC and many student organizations, came
together as a community to offer their support and concern.
Chancellor Albert Carnesale published a statement almost
immediately, and kind wishes arrived from every area of campus and
from many campuses around the country.
After the mess was cleaned up, the question continued to roll
around in my head: How could this have happened at UCLA? I keep
coming back to the same hypothesis: internalized homophobia. The
self-hate that perpetuates outwardly violent activities is an
incredibly powerful force.
I know ““ I was in the closet for 20 years before I came
out. My own sense of self-hatred due to my being a lesbian caused
me to do awful things. I harassed several gay guys in college when
I was a student in the ’60s because I didn’t want
people to think I was like them. I mercilessly taunted and harassed
and verbally bullied them.
I so desperately didn’t want people to think I was a
lesbian that I got married to prove them wrong. And when I finally
did come out, I lost custody of my children, so my internalized
anger and hatred was exacerbated even further by society’s
perception of me, as a person, as a woman, as a mother.
Even though it’s 2004 and this is UCLA, and we have our
many laws of both protection and inclusion around sexual
orientation and gender identity, individuals still suffer from that
internalized roiling that might cause them to lash out at that
which they hate about themselves.
Because the LGBT center is very active and visible in the very
heart of the campus, we are the perfect target for those who may
still suffer.
Our role is to have compassion.
To those who harbor such deep anti-gay feelings that they
physically or verbally attack people or places, I
invite you to come talk with me.
I know how you feel. I was there too. It was only when I
acknowledged who I truly was, acknowledged this gift of my sexual
orientation, that I finally became free.
The burden was lifted and I could begin to live my life with
love for all, even those who were different from me.
I invite you to call me. I’m here for you.
Sanlo is the director of the UCLA LGBT Resource Center. She
may be reached at [email protected].