What is virginity worth? As individuals and a society we are
often afflicted with many difficult and unfortunate problems that
send us clamoring for solutions. The passion with which many people
attempt to draw attention to and solve these problems is
admirable.
But in the grips of the desire to enact change and achieve
goals, one must wonder if we truly appreciate what we sacrifice in
doing so. After reading Lara Loewenstein’s column
“Virgin market helps causes” (May 6), I felt compelled
to offer up another perspective on the value of virginity.
The disabling cost of college tuition, the inability to afford
adequate health care, and the economic plight of countries around
the world are real dilemmas faced by millions of people. The need
for awareness and responses to these and other issues is also very
real.
Yet the fact that people are auctioning off virginity like a
commodity while others applaud their actions as meaningful
solutions suggests that we may not truly understand or appreciate
the real worth of virginity.
I would most eagerly agree that there is more to virginity than
a little membrane and that you should do something useful with your
virginity. I would argue, though, that there is an alternative to
both using your virginity to pay for your college tuition or
“losing it in the back of a car to someone you barely
know.”
The Bible teaches us that sex is more than just something people
do ““ at least it can be. It’s a physical union that
fulfills the commitment between two people. In a marriage
relationship, sex is shared only by the two people involved and is
thus a powerful embodiment of their devotion to one another.
Virginity, then, is a sign of the importance of a marriage
relationship. Virginity can have value, especially to a future
spouse, because it demonstrates that you were committed to them
before you even met.
This prohibition of premarital sex is often distressing because
many of us realize its importance in marriage, but at the same time
want to have sex right now. To rationalize this desire, we separate
the ideas of sex and marriage and downplay the power of commitment
in sexual relationships.
It seems rather ironic that while so much importance is given to
the need to discuss, understand and educate about sex, many would
deny its unique power in a relationship of lifelong commitment. Sex
is most certainly not dirty, sinful or wrong, but when we remove it
from a committed marriage relationship we deny its full power and
meaning.
Virginity is a choice you can make even if you have already had
sex. It is a decision to commit to a relationship you cannot
necessarily see but are willing to invest in. If your goal is to
have sex in a hotel room with a 44-year-old divorced man who has
two kids, then that is the value of sex and commitment in your
relationships, as well as the example you are choosing to set for
other young men and women.
How much is virginity worth? We each decide its value. There is
a market for sex, but we have to decide if we are willing to play
into that market and accept the worth our culture often places on
our bodies, our sexuality and our relationships.
Mefford is a fourth-year history student.