What with the media blitz, national hype and inflated point
spread surrounding Saturday’s game against USC, this
editorial board has done some serious thinking. And we’ve
come to the realization that maybe a certain scarlet and gold
institution across town isn’t such a bad thing.
In fact, we’re just going to jump on the bandwagon now and
admit that perhaps we made a bad choice years ago when we tore up
that USC admissions letter and moved to Westwood. We’ve come
up with 10 good reasons why we wish we had gone to “that
other school” instead:
1. Given that UCLA is one of the most recognized and marketable
universities in the world, it would be much easier to travel
without getting stopped by people who look at our Bruin sweatshirts
in awe.
2. USC students apparently have a much lighter reading load,
because if they had bothered to read Homer’s “The
Illiad” (or even seen the movie “Troy”) they
would notice that the Trojans actually lost the Trojan War, were
largely exterminated, and had their city razed to the ground.
Still, there are a lot worse mascots than Trojans ““ we have
to admit, we do like their original pre-1912 mascot: the Fighting
Methodists (we’re not making that up).
3. It would be nice to have a quarterback who doesn’t have
the burden UCLA’s Drew Olson carries to maintain
nation-leading numbers in passing efficiency (172.47), passing
touchdowns (30) and interception percentage (0.93). Whew, having 24
touchdowns and 7 interceptions must be even more of a load off than
taking ballroom dancing as your only class.
4. UCLA’s NCAA-leading 97 national titles have created an
overly crowded trophy room and a home basketball court with far too
many championship banners hanging from the rafters. But if we were
at USC, we’d have more room to breathe easy. We also
wouldn’t have to hold onto the Lexus Gauntlet, which is
taking up space in the J.D. Morgan Center right now.
5. Having a wall around campus creates a much more friendly and
inclusive atmosphere. And we’d be better acquainted with the
LAPD SWAT team.
6. Instead of having the best hospital on the West Coast,
we’d go to a school that helps manage a county hospital that
has recently been accused of routinely “dumping” its
patients on skid row to fend for themselves. Who needs morals?
7. Any film school that rejected Steven Spielberg and still had
the nerve to ask him for donations years later has some serious
class.
8. We would be more familiar with the freeway system after so
many car trips to Westwood to hang out and grab a bag of Diddy
Riese cookies. The 45-minute car trip through traffic would give us
time to bond with our fellow Trojans, because, let’s face it,
that five-minute walk from our Westwood apartments is way too
easy.
9. We’d have the distinction of paying over four times as
much for an education at a school that is consistently ranked
behind UCLA every year.
10. As USC students, we would get to experience one the biggest
upsets in college football history at our home stadium when the
Bruins beat the Trojans on Saturday.
Happy rivalry.