Though I have seen my fair share of eating contests at UCLA,
everything from milk pounding to watermelon cramming, this was one
event I wish I could have experienced. One of the world’s
greatest sporting achievements was accomplished in Dallas on Sunday
”“ making Cal Ripken’s streak look bush-league and
DiMaggio’s 56 games like child’s play.
It was also pulled off by a 62-year-old retired CPA.
No. 8-ranked professional eater Rich “The Locust”
LeFevre downed 247 jalapeno peppers in eight minutes to take home
the Jalapeño Eating World Championships against a field of
some of the top eaters in the world.
Devouring 247 peppers in eight minutes? One jalapeño every
two seconds? You think I’m kidding.
I’m not and he’s not.
It’s just about as serious a competition as they come.
Serious enough that one challenger, unranked Chris Huang, continued
stuffing down peppers while he lost feeling in his face. It’s
OK, despite not being able to talk momentarily, he did regain full
facial function. Anything for a $2,000 cash prize, right?
What makes this story even greater is that LeFevre wasn’t
supposed to win, at least not against such stiff competition.
One of his opponents, Sonya “The Black Widow”
Thomas, the world’s No. 3-ranked eater, is no slouch with the
slop either.
Though only 105 pounds (that’s pre-meal), this
professional eater’s resume includes scarfing down 11 pounds
of cheesecake in nine minutes and 80 chicken nuggets in five
minutes. She lost only once in 2004 in a hotly contested bean
contest. This is not a joke. Her competition managed to obtain a
jug of water to cool his beans while the rest of the contestants
were forced to make do with overly hot frijoles.
LeFevre not only beat Thomas but also Patrick Bertoletti, a
21-year-old competitive-eating phenom.
Though he lacks the experience of a LeFevre or Thomas,
Bertoletti has burst onto the scene and already owns nine
International Federation of Competitive Eating records, including
chocolate, key-lime pie and ice cream. He is what you might call a
dessert specialist.
Can’t exactly blame him for that one, even though choosing
between chocolate hearts and losing feeling in your face is
tough.
To put this in perspective, the Babe Ruth of competitive eating,
No. 1-ranked Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi, only owns
five IFOCE records. However, he has staked his claim on the mother
of all eating records ““ the World Hot Dog Eating
Championships. The man is a machine, averaging more than one hot
dog every 15 seconds in his winning showing of 53 and 3/4 hot dogs
in 12 minutes.
In 2003, Kobayashi competed against a kodiak bear. That’s
not someone’s nickname. For a Fox-TV special called
“Man Versus Beast” he faced off against a 1,089-pound
bear in a first-to-50 bunless hot dog competition. He only lost by
19.
That’s something I would like to see more of here. I see
no reason why “The Tsunami” should have all the
fun.
Instead of a Bruin Bash at the beginning of each year, how about
a UCLA eating championship with real Bruins?
We could have a round of playoffs and get the top eaters at each
dining hall to compete. I once saw a bear-sized man at De Neve
stack one plate with about nine chickens worth of fried drum
sticks. I’m sure he’d be willing to compete.
We could even throw in a small cash prize to attract those
unwilling to potentially part with their health for free. The
hamburgers that are always plentiful in every dining hall could be
used as the food of choice. I’m not too fond of
jalapeños. (At a Chinese restaurant two years ago, I spent
much too long trying to wash the fire out of my mouth with water
““ which, both theoretically and in practice, doesn’t
work at all).
This first-of-its-kind contest would be open to all, even Chris
Huang.
It would be entertaining for everyone and nobody would lose
feeling in their face.
E-mail Feder at [email protected] if you would be a
willing participant, as long as there are no jalapeños
involved.