I haven’t been having a real great sports week.
Putting aside any games that may or may not have been lost at the Rose Bowl on Saturday, my Jets lost to the Giants on Sunday and my Angels were eliminated from the playoffs by the Red Sox later that day. While I’ve still got plenty of NFL season to work with, I now find myself without a rooting interest for the rest of the baseball postseason.
Don’t misunderstand me ““ I’m not interested in jumping on any bandwagons, nor am I going to stop being an Angels fan. But, because I’d like to have at least some small investment in the next few weeks of baseball, I’ve decided to take a look at the remaining four teams to find what I can root for.
Boston Red Sox
Pros: Realistically, they’re probably the best team right now, and it’s always easier to root for a winner. Plus, if I get on the Red Sox bandwagon, there’s a chance I might run into “die-hard” fan and comedian Dane Cook.
And, after making all of those “There is only one October!” commercials, he’s gotta be loaded, so hanging out with him could be a pretty sweet deal. That’s assuming, of course, that he didn’t spend all his money buying up thousands of tickets to artificially inflate the box office numbers for “Good Luck Chuck.”
Cons: First off, I hate the Red Sox, so that’s a problem. Second, there’s nothing more despicable than a fan jumping on the front-runner, and the Red Sox already have enough of those fans. Third, even the real Red Sox fans are annoying.
And, most importantly, my dad is from New York. So while it might be cool to be able to say I’m the first sportswriter to actually get hate mail from his own father, I don’t know if I can afford to be burning the bridges to my inheritance. I am an English student.
Cleveland Indians
Pros: In C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona, the Indians probably have two of the four best starters still pitching. Plus, they’re playing the Red Sox in the American League Championship Series, so that means I’ll be rooting for the Tribe for at least one series.
Cons: They’re from Cleveland. To quote the great Ichiro Suzuki: “If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”
Now, I’ve never been to Cleveland. It might be a very nice place. But that’s not exactly a sterling recommendation.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Pros: Ace Brandon Webb is a beast. And star outfielder Eric Byrnes went to UCLA. Now, I haven’t watched many of our baseball team’s practices, but if Byrnes’ play is any indication, our coaching staff must spend a lot of time working on head-first slides and the proper technique for doing a full somersault when throwing from the outfield. Also, there are a lot of beautiful women in Arizona.
Cons: I’m really not sure I that can support the Diamondbacks unless they can promise me they’ll bring back Byung-Hung Kim to blow at least three more World Series games. It just wouldn’t seem right.
Also, given that I’m only looking for a team to mildly root for from my couch, the fact that the D-Backs may have the cutest fans probably isn’t all that relevant.
Colorado Rockies
Pros: I know a lot of San Diegans (or whatever you call them) who are still pretty bitter about Matt Holliday’s phantom home plate touch in the Padres-Rockies one-game playoff, and rooting for Colorado would help me test how far I can push San Diegans before they stop staying classy. Plus, come on, it’s the Rockies.
Cons: The Rockies play at Coors Field, where the team uses a special humidor to make sure the baseballs don’t dry out. Given the name of the ballpark and that humidors are generally used to store cigars, I can only assume that rooting for the Rockies mostly just involves drinking a lot of Coors Light and puffing on stogies. Wait a minute …
The verdict: Gooooooooo Rockies!