Monday, 2/24/97
Martial Arts challenge students
PAIN: Participants learn lessons in humility and personal
responsibility
It was hard not to notice the strong, electric smell of sweat in
Wooden’s Gold Room. You could feel the tension in the air as
everybody hurried to get on their sparring equipment. My fingers
fumbled with the straps on my padded helmet as I hurried to get it
on. The chest gear was constricting my upper torso, forcing me to
breathe in quick, sharp gasps. I ran to the center of the room. My
opponent and I stared at each other. I was nervous. I’ve never
fought against a black belt before.
I don’t know why, but at that moment my mind was flooded with
images of myself being carried off on a stretcher with a white
cloth draped over my crushed body.
I couldn’t believe my instructor was making me face off against
one of the toughest people in my class. I was only a yellow belt
for Christ’s sakes! I was convinced he had lost his mind.
I hardly even heard my instructor yell for us to begin because I
was busy trying to remember every single combo and technique that
had ever been shown to me. I was even prepared to use that funky
crane move Daniel-san used in "The Karate Kid" if I had to. (Hey,
it worked in the movie!) I braced myself for the expected onslaught
of punishing kicks and punches that I was sure the black belt was
going to deliver. A few seconds passed before I realized my
opponent wasn’t going to attack. The black belt stood there,
staring at me.
I was very confused. You see, in every single fight I had been
in so far with my fellow lower belts, we had just sort of rushed
each other punching, kicking, scratching and biting until someone
dropped. I started panicking.
Was this some sort of ancient Korean trick or something? Was
some hellish technique about to be unleashed on me like in one of
those Streetfighter video games? Finally, I couldn’t take the
pressure anymore. I screamed out this insane , "KEEEEE-YAH!" and
attacked. I landed one kick before I felt my chest cave in.
I stumbled backwards. I quickly reoriented myself. To my
horrific surprise, I saw that the black belt was right in front of
me! Without thinking, I spun around like a deranged Michael Jackson
and landed this AWESOME turning back side kick! It hit my opponent
with this great loud WHAP! Momentarily unbalanced, the black belt
took a few steps back, obviously pissed. I took the opportunity to
savor my moment of glory. Hee, hee! I kicked your a -KA-BLAM!
Nuclear explosions don’t have as much force as the blow that nailed
me on the side of my head. The kick was so hard that it spun my
helmet completely around. I heard everybody in my Taekwondo class
say, "Oooooh." Dazed, all I could see was an image of Mr. Miyagi
from "The Karate Kid" saying over and over, "Sand de floor, sand de
floor!" I turned my helmet around and looked for my opponent.
Hmmph, I said to myself, lucky kick. I’ll be damned if I let that
happen agai- WHAMMO!
You know how some people say they can see stars when they get
hit real hard? Well, I saw the entire freakin’ galaxy. The Hubble
telescope couldn’t have compared to the view that I got.
Mercifully, the match ended soon after, and I rushed over to
congratulate my opponent, Alexandra.
I know some of you probably read that last line and said to
yourselves, "A GIRL? He got his ass kicked by a GIRL?" Well, let me
tell you something. Alexandra is one of the best Taekwondo fighters
I’ve ever seen. If I had to pick two people to go up with me
against an army of irrational, psychotic lunatics I’d pick Alex and
um … probably Mr. Miyagi.
I love Taekwondo. Despite all of the pain and agony, it is so
much fun. It’s too bad my schedule doesn’t allow for it this
quarter otherwise I’d spend morning, noon and night in practice.
I’ve learned some important life lessons from Taekwondo. Some are
pretty obvious, such as: doing the splits is the most painful
exercise on God’s green Earth. If you’ve ever seen someone do the
splits and said to yourself, "Wow, that must hurt like hell,"
believe me, it does. I’ve put my legs in positions that would make
Gumby barf.
Other lessons I’ve learned are more profound and allow me to wax
philosophical. Like, if you ever want to achieve something you’ve
got to make a personal effort. Nobody ever won a sparring match
through wishful thinking. If you want an A in a class then study —
don’t just complain about harsh curves (unless it’s O-Chem, then I
completely understand). If you want more cheese on your taco, then,
damn it, ask for it! If you want to go out with someone, then
stalk, I mean talk to them. Taekwondo has also taught me to never
be too cocky about my abilities. No matter how confident you are
about your expertise in something, always remember that there’s
someone out there who’s better than you or who has the potential to
be. Trust me, you don’t want a black belt to start kicking your ass
around Wooden to remind you of that. But by far the most important
thing I’ve learned from Taekwondo is that you should never start a
fight.
That’s right; in Taekwondo we’re taught to avoid a fight at all
costs. BUT, and this is a colossal but, if you’re ever in a
situation where you absolutely must defend yourself (i.e. you’re
surrounded by a group of pushy men handing out Student Shopper
Guides on the way to an important final) then do whatever it takes
to defend yourself. Don’t ever start a fight; just finish it.
In closing, I’d like to encourage everyone to try a martial art.
Wooden offers some great classes at low, low prices. It’s a great
workout and a lot of fun. To everybody in UCLA Taekwondo, you guys
are the greatest! Good luck at the Cal Tournament! Have a great
week everybody!