Friday, April 24, 1998
Community mourns untimely death
IN MEMORY: Loved ones recall life of exceptional athlete,
benevolent friend
By Steve Kim
Daily Bruin Staff
His apartment on Roebling is filled with roommates and friends.
They sit around the living room, talking about this and that. Just
anything, as long as they fill the silence.
"We all stay close – it’s a way of coping," said Jack Kocur, a
friend since the age of 10 and teammate on the U.S. National
Team.
"He wouldn’t want you sulking about him," reasoned teammate and
roommate Blake Wellen, "so we’re trying to laugh about him and all
the good times we had."
Their eyes turn to the door, near which sits a terribly
unattractive terra cotta pelican. It was Jim’s. And whatever
reminds anyone of Jim is a catalyst for another sharing of
memories.
"The week before Jimmy left for Paris," recalled friend and
neighbor Bree Turner, "we drove down to Rosarito. One of those days
we passed this pottery farm. I bought a little souvenir for myself
and I dared him to buy the ugliest thing there. So he bought that
pelican which was like 200 pounds and almost broke his back
carrying it to the car. It was such a fun, random experience."
Such is the reputation of Jim Toring, former UCLA water polo
player and Olympic hopeful – always spontaneous and such a clown.
No one would never know what stunt he’d pull next.
Would he dance on the table in front of dozens on a dare? Would
he come out of the locker room wearing a woman’s swimsuit, goggles
and fins for practice – to provide comic relief for his coaches and
teammates? Yes, one could always count on Toring for a classic
moment.
He was so full of life. Even better, he appreciated the precious
gift of every moment and enjoyed it so. Such is why everyone was
struck so hard by his departure.
On Sunday night, April 12, Toring was crossing a Paris street
with his teammates after having competed in the French Open water
polo tournament with the U.S. National Team, when he was hit by a
bus.
It happened in a split second, just as Toring walked past behind
a parked bus.
His parents, Hank and Sandy, flew to Paris to be near their son,
who fell into a coma. A week later, on Monday morning, April 20,
Toring died. He was 23.
Shock, disbelief, realization.
Come and go, we are mortal. Life has a cruel way of tripping us
face-flat in our path and telling us it’s not always going to play
fair.
A memorial in honor of Toring will be held on May 2 at a
tentative location. His family encourages everyone who knew Toring
to attend. Also, his roommates, teammates and neighbors at UCLA
invites well-wishers to come to an informal gathering in Toring’s
memory at his 10954 Roebling apartment on April 28 at 6 p.m.
To help with the medical and other costs, monetary contributions
made out to Hank and Sandy Toring can be sent in care of Guy Baker,
UCLA Athletics, P.O. Box 24044, Los Angeles, CA 90024.
"Our thoughts really go out to Jim’s family," Baker said. "I
have two daughters, and I can’t even imagine what it would be like
to lose them. I couldn’t even function, so I know their loss is far
deeper than what any of us are feeling."
Such departure is tragic, but Toring has left a bounty of fond
memories to his teammates, coaches and friends at the UCLA
community.
"Jim spoke so highly of his relationships with others at UCLA,"
his family members said in a letter to the UCLA community.
"Individuals, teammates and other student athletes – he was at home
when he was with them."
Toring was best known in the sports community as a water polo
phenom. After a successful high school career at Harvard-Westlake,
he was a major force in leading the UCLA water polo team to two
consecutive NCAA championship victories in ’95 and ’96.
Baker, his collegiate coach, remembers that well.
"There’s been so much reflection lately," he said. "I could see
one incident clearly – it was when he scored the last goal at the
’96 championship against USC. That turned out to be our winning
goal. He was at the other end of the pool, but I just knew he was
going to score once he got the ball."
"He was probably the main reason why we won two championships in
a row," said assistant coach and former teammate Adam Krikorian.
"One of the greatest moments in my life was winning it in my senior
year (’95) and Jimmy just played the best game I’d ever seen. He
scored four goals in the first half and he was doing unbelievable
moves that was vintage Jimmy – stuff that would leave your mouth
wide open."
The sports community saw Jim as one of the best players. Those
who knew him see him as one of the best people.
"I didn’t know half his water polo achievements until I read it
in the papers recently," said neighbor and friend Jen Hall. "He was
so accomplished, and we didn’t even know it. But that’s just like
him. He’s so kind and humble – he would never brag about it."
Friend and neighbor Jason Rosenberg remembers Toring as a social
butterfly.
"Every time I think of Jimmy, I see a big smile," Rosenberg
said. Everyone agrees. "He knew so many people, and it’s not like
he went around just passing by and saying, ‘Hi, how are you doing?’
He would look at you in the eye and engage with you. And he’d
notice in a second if there was anything different about you."
"He has a way of connecting with people," Olivia Gifford added.
"I’ve only lived on this street for a couple of months but from the
very first day, he treated me like I lived here forever. It really
showed how many lives he touched in the last several days when all
these people came by to show concern."
And Toring loved to have fun. One wonders if a 23-year-old could
ever have extracted all that was possible of life. Those who know
him have no doubt that he lived life to its fullest, with no
regrets.
"If someone asked, ‘Jimmy, if this is the last day of your life,
what are you going to do?’ he would do everything exactly the same
as he’s always done," Hall said. "And I’m really comforted by
that."
"The great thing is that he always let (you) know that he cared
and appreciated you," said Meritt Elliott, a friend and neighbor.
"If you can learn one thing, it’s so great to be able to do that
because it’s so hard to tell someone ‘you mean a lot to me’ or ‘I
love you.’ Now all of us are wanting to tell other people how much
they mean to us because he did it to us."
"Words can’t capture the way I loved him and the way he loved
me," said Kocur, who’s known Jim for 13 years.
"It’s the hardest thing losing your best friend, but it’s
greatest thing to have known him. His motto in life is, ‘Love those
around you and cherish them every minute.’ And the way Jimmy would
want to be remembered as is that person who was carefree, sincere
and humble, as accomplished as he was."
Jeff Marchiorlatti, teammate and roommate, remembers Jim as a
person who would put himself before others any time they were in
need.
"He was one of the wisest people I’ve ever met," Marchiorlatti
said. "We’d stay up for hours talking, and he would give me new
perspectives on life and teach me how to live life to its
fullest."
"Losing Jimmy has been the hardest event I have ever had to deal
with," said his best friend of nine years, Luther Weidner. "I was
an only child, and I finally received a brother nine years ago. He
was always there through good and bad. And he had the most caring
eyes I’ve ever seen."
Loraine Rodriguez remembers those caring eyes, just before he
left for Paris.
"I will never forget his smile that day when I drove away after
saying goodbye," she says. "He took a big piece of my heart with
him, but I’m so glad that we had such a wonderful talk that day. He
was my best friend."
Tragedy is an unexpected teacher. A reminder, of sorts. Jim
Toring’s passing left behind a painful void and a message.
Yesterday was fond, today is precious, and tomorrow is a
privilege.
"There’s very few people in this world who touched people,
really touched people, like Jimmy," Elliott said. "And he didn’t
need to die for us to realize that – we all knew from the
beginning. We’re the luckiest people in the world to have gotten to
know him."
Photos courtesy of Jeff Marchiorlatti
(Top) Jim Toring poses with nephews Bryce (left) and Cody
(right).
(Bottom) Toring helped lead UCLA’s water polo team to two
consecutive championships.