Thursday, June 11, 1998
Soccer, America. America, soccer. Now, we can let the games
begin
COLUMN: U.S. ignorant of World Cup’s greatness because of poor
exposure
Well, my children, the Finals hour is at last upon us: final
exams, final column, NBA Finals, NHL Finals and World Cup
finals.
Yes, World Cup finals: most Americans don’t realize that the
World Cup tournament, unlike the Olympics, is not a self-standing
event. It’s actually international soccer’s playoffs; the
culmination of over a year and a half of "regular season"
qualifying. Think of it as the March Madness of the soccer world,
only with stranger post-scoring dances by participants.
Now, I’m not going to complain and moan like one of those
Europhile soccer lovers who wail about our country’s indifference
toward the great game. You know the type, complaining that the
average fast-food-eating, MTV-watching American simply doesn’t have
the attention span for a sport with so little scoring.
No, my goal is to educate, not belittle, you ignorant
masses.
The problem isn’t that Americans won’t appreciate a game in
which 4-3 constitutes an offensive explosion; anyone who argues
that simply hasn’t seen much soccer.
Soccer is some lion-maned Chilean with moves like Barry Sanders
stealing the ball and streaking down the field, juking two
defenders so badly ankles are heard snapping and one guy hits the
turf. As a third rushes him, he drops a no-look pass behind to a
teammate flying toward the goal. Without breaking stride, the
teammate one-times a screaming 60-mile-an-hour bullet which heads
straight for the center of the net, before suddenly breaking for
the corner with the wickedness of a Greg Maddux change-up.
The Nigerian goalie, teeth clenched, does his best Ozzie Smith
impression and lays out fully horizontal 3 feet off the ground,
somehow managing to get the first three fingers of his right hand
on the ball, which careens off and slaps the goal post. With a
large piece of the field now stuck to his chin and the sound of the
metal posts reverberating around him like a tuning fork, he races
on hands and knees against another forward charging in from the
side. He dives on it a split-second before the other can slam home
the rebound, and the Italian, forced airborne to avoid injuring
them both, crashes down hard on his shoulder inside the net. No
goal.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is soccer.
And if you don’t find that exciting, it’s time to call the
mortician.
Sure, goals are great; everybody loves scoring. But it’s
near-misses like this that really get the heart pounding, assuming
it’s still beating.
Lack of scoring hasn’t hurt the NHL, where 3-2 is a pretty
average score, but where arenas rock with sellout crowds jumping
out of their seats at every amazing save and physics-defying deke.
Over the past decade, hockey has risen from a cult sport with an
almost underground American following to a place in mainstream
prominence alongside what had been the Big Three.
Soccer is hockey minus the dental problems, and it’s a safe bet
Americans will soon take to it the way they have "The coolest game
on Earth."
All they need is to get to know it.
So, with the help of my friends at FIFA (alright, so I just
logged on to their web site) allow me to introduce the two.
America, soccer. Soccer, America.
America, did you know that this year’s tournament in France
marks the 16th World Cup? The first was held in 1930, with reigning
Olympic Champion Uruguay taking home the trophy – as the host
country, they didn’t have to take it far. Since then, only World
War II (in 1942 and 1946) has prevented a tournament every four
years.
In all that time, however, only six countries have ever won:
Brazil (four times), Germany (three), Italy (three), Uruguay (two),
Argentina (two) and England (only one, despite having invented the
sport). Only one other team has even made it to the championship
game: the Dutch, who lost to home teams Germany and Argentina in
1974 and 1978.
Cinderella stories, it seems, don’t happen in World Cup soccer;
it’s just too hard to kick with glass slippers on, I guess.
And chances are, at least one of these perennial powers will
take the field again for the championship game in Paris on July 12.
Brazil is the early favorite, with Germany not far behind.
(For my money, however, keep your eye on Spain: the core of this
group took home gold at the Barcelona Olympics, and they have a
pair of dynamic young forwards in 20-year-old Raul Gonzalez and
22-year-old Francisco Morientes, who play together full time with
Real Madrid. I’ve personally seen them play, and they’re
explosive.)
At stake will be the solid gold FIFA World Cup Trophy
(obviously, they didn’t waste much time naming the thing). This is
actually the second prize FIFA has awarded to World Cup champions:
the first, the Jule Rimet Cup, was awarded permanently to Brazil in
1970 after it became the first nation to win the tournament three
times.
Unfortunately, that trophy no longer exists. It is believed to
have been melted down by thieves who snatched it in Rio in 1983.
That was actually the second time it had been stolen, the first
coming while it was on display in England before the 1966 Cup
there. Fortunately, it was found some time later when (I swear I am
not making this up) a dog named Pickles dug it up from under a
tree.
Other interesting World Cup facts:
Czechoslovakia’s Vaclav Masek scored the fastest goal in
tournament history against Mexico in 1962, only 15 seconds after
tipoff. But our boy Vaclav learned the painful lesson of every man
who shoots early, as his team failed to score again and Mexico won
3-1.
The youngest World Cup participant was Northern Ireland forward
Norman Whiteside, only 17 years and 42 days old when he debuted
against Yugoslavia in 1982. Whiteside failed to score in the
tournament, however, and the youngest scorer remains all-time great
Pele, who was only a few months older in 1958 when he led Brazil to
its first title.
On the flip-side, Roger Milla of Cameroon is the oldest player
on record, 42 years and 39 days old when he played, and scored,
against Russia in 1994. It was an inauspicious farewell, however,
as he and his teammates were hammered, 6-1.
Which brings to mind Hungary’s 10-1 whuppin’ of El Salvador in
1982, the most lopsided tournament game ever. That broke the old
mark, also owned by Hungary of 9-0, set in 1954 against Korea and
tied by Yugoslavia against Zaire in 1974.
That, as they say, is a whole mess of goals.
But what most people don’t realize is that the first "mess" of
goals actually came from one of ours: the first hat trick in World
Cup history was scored by American Bertram Patenaude against
Paraguay on July 17th, 1930.
And you thought we’d never done anything in soccer.
A National Championship, four-for-four over ‘SC, two GTE Super
Shot winners, and Tyus coast to coast for "Yeah baby!" Kariakin
wants to thank all the roommates, neighbors, ex-girlfriends,
friends and pot-smoking, illegitimate-children-having athletes that
made these years what they were. UCLA was great, the Daily Bruin
was fun, but covering football had its drawbacks. (Please, fellas,
learn to wrap those towels around yourselves a little more securely
in the locker room, OK?) Jim Harrick, this one’s for you. So
long.