Welcome to the Bruin Bachelor(ette), a dating show hosted by Podcasts contributors Fonda Hu, Alexa Miramontes and Zoe Vilchez. We wanted to investigate the dating scene at UCLA, and what better way to do that than to host our own dating show? In this miniseries, we use the podcast medium to provide Bruins with a unique way to find love, and we discuss the difficulties surrounding dating at UCLA. In this episode, Zoe helps our bachelor Kai meet his match through a series of questions and answers with five contestants, and Alexa and Fonda discuss their interview with relationship psychologist Ben Karney.
Zoe Vilchez: Welcome to the Bruin Bachelorette from Daily Bruin Podcasts, a dating show centered around investigating the romantic lives of students at UCLA. I’m Zoe.
Fonda Hu: And I’m Fonda.
Alexa Miramontes: And I’m Alexa.
ZV: To put it bluntly, dating in college is hard. It’s often the first time you’re living independently in a new environment. And the chances of finding someone that you actually want to spend a lot of time with is unfortunately very low, almost as low as the number of non- pre-meds in LS 7A. Dating apps help sort the crowd to determine who’s interested in dating, but they aren’t a perfect substitute for the experience of meeting someone new in person.
FH: Which is why we created this dating show, to provide an environment in which UCLA students can reveal a more genuine version of themselves, while searching for the perfect match. Just like you, the Bachelor and contestants can’t see each other. They’ll have to rely on their personality and charm to develop a connection through a series of questions and answers. Will they stumble upon their one true love, that eternal soulmate? Let’s find out!
AM: Stay tuned, because here at UCLA, we’re about to prove that love is always in session. Let’s dive into the world of romance, chemistry, and maybe a little biology. This is the Bruin Bachelorette!
ZV: Once again, I’m Zoe, and I’ll be your host for today. In this episode, our Bachelor Kai is looking to find love. Despite wanting to be an eye doctor, today he’s going in blind. Let’s start it off with an easy question.
Kai: Hi, everyone. My name is Kai. I’m a second year physiology major. Currently, I’m microbiology but that will change. If my life was a soundtrack, the first song would probably be Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. Simply because it was the only pop song we got to sing in choir in Colorado. And despite doing choir, I can’t sing. So I’m going to spare you that.
ZV: We have five contestants. Let’s get to know them.
Alexandra: Hi, my name is Alexandra. Most of my friends call me Alex, but either one’s fine. I’m a first year, I’m an applied linguistics major, and I think that the first song and a soundtrack to my life would be “T.N.T” by ACDC. That song has a lot of screaming so I will spare you some of that. Um I’m trying to think of a lyric from it that really speaks to me. ‘Cuz I’m T.N.T I’m dynamite T.N.T and I’ll win the fight’— except I will not win the fight because I’m very not athletic. Okay, thank you so much.
Helena: Hi, my name’s Helena. I’m undeclared. I’m a first year and the first song in the soundtrack to my life would be “Life is a Highway” by Rascal Flatts. Just because life is a highway and— I’m actually not going to finish that. But um, and I’m not going to sing because I don’t want to get eliminated that fast.
Sofia: Hi, everyone. I’m Sofia. I’m a third year psycho bio major. I’m from Rome, Italy. So for a song, I won’t pick an Italian song, I will spare you the Italian. But I would say “Young, Wild and Free”. ‘Living young and wild and free’. That’s my motto, so yeah, thank you.
Minnie: Hi, I’m Minnie. I’m a music major. I guess I’m first year I’m here on study abroad. So I think the first song to the soundtrack of my life right now would be “You’re Gonna Go Far” by Noah Kahan. It really relates to me right now, I moved away from my family. So that would be the first song.
Maya: Hi, my name is Maya. I’m a second year bio major. And the song to my soundtrack of my life would be “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift because I’m just a big Swiftie and I love the summer.
ZV: Since you’re already sitting down contestant number five, let’s have you start off this round. Kai, is there anything that you would like to know about this lovely lady?
Kai: Okay, What career are you trying to go into and why?
Maya: Okay, so I am currently pre-med. I’m a biology major. I’m not 100% sure if I want to be a doctor, but both my parents are doctors so I have a lot of experience with the medical world. And I just really want to go into, go into a career that like is helping people and making a difference in the world. I’m super interested in science so that’s my current future goal, yeah.
Kai: Is that med school as in like, like, surgical or um…?
Maya: Um, I’m not yet. I think surgery would definitely be interesting. I’m not like 100% sure of what field in the medical field but yeah. And are you pre med? ‘Cause I remember you said like, you were microbiology, gonna try to switch to physiology.
Kai: I’m actually pre-optometry.
Maya: Oh.
Kai: I’m not sure if I’m cut out for med school, myself. It’s very difficult. So I— my dad is an optometrist actually. And I’m very passionate about, like eyes and oculars and lenses and how everything works, how light refracts. And I’ve worked a couple hours, or more than a couple, over summers and over the last few years, so I’m very interested in that. So that’s the current plan. Subject to change, of course.
Maya: Yeah, I feel like I’m the same way. I’m like, being a doctor would be super cool, but obviously, it’s pretty hard to get into med school. And I also actually like worked at my dad’s office. He’s a rheumatologist. And I was just like working filing charts and stuff, but it’s just cool having like, an experience in a medical office, but yeah.
Minnie: Hi. Okay, so I’m studying music here. I’ve always done music, like growing up singing I a musical theater kid. So that’s what I want to go into. I want to be an artist or be a singer, songwriter, um and yeah.
ZV: Kai, do you have any musical talents?
Kai: I played a french horn and piano for a couple years. But since then, my passion has been redirected to sports, but I’ve always loved music.
Minnie: Oh, really? Did you ever sing?
Kai: I did, choir for five years— boychoir academy actually.
Minnie: Okay, nice.
Kai: And, but after my voice broke, all that talent or lack of talent left me.
Minnie: Okay, well, maybe karaoke second date and then we’ll see.
Sofia: So I’m contestant number three. Um, so I’m currently a psycho-bio major, I was a phy-si, physiological science major. I just switched into psycho-bio, because I realized, being a third year, that maybe med school was not what I want to do. I’m still doing the prep, because it’s still like, there. I’m not fully like, “No, I’m not going to med school anymore”. But maybe what I want to do is just get like my master’s in nutrition and be a dietitian. That’s why I switched into psycho-bio, because I think it’s nice to— it’s good to study psychology, if you want to go into that field. I’ve kind of got a lot on my plate, because I used to be a dance major too. I ended up dropping it because of COVID and stuff. But I still dance so I’m still in the dance major classes and that’s like my biggest hobby, I guess, it’s my biggest passion. I used to dance professionally, in the Opera Theatre in Rome, so not anymore, unfortunately. But maybe like teaching on the side for the future. And then maybe also helping out my parents, especially my dad. He has like this company, like singers and manager. He’s a manager, like a publisher, and I helped them already like translating, especially because I don’t speak really good English. So maybe I’ll help him with that. But yeah, I think my main focus for now is the dietitian route.
ZV: Sophia, it sounds like you are an amazing dancer. Kai, can you dance?
Kai: I actually tried. My dad tried to teach me how to dance salsa over break. That is my only experience at dancing and I’m quite horrible at it. But I’m sure you could—
Sofia: Oh, I can teach you the moves.
Kai: –teach me many moves.
Sofia: Yes, that’s my favorite thing to do.
ZV: Helena, what are your aspirations?
Helena: I’m undeclared right now. I’m hoping to apply into the Communications major. And with that I want to go into news casting or something to do with media. I really am interested in news, but I’m also into like comedy and stuff. So hopefully something in that realm. And then since that’s kind of like a burnout job, I want to eventually teach at a college— teach communications because I’m really passionate about how it’s like therapy for a large group of people. And you don’t need to be responsible for any one individual.
ZV: Contestant number one?
Alexandra: So right now, I’m an applied linguistics major. And I really want to go into speech pathology, which is like, some people don’t know, it’s, it’s like helping people overcome communication disorders like a stutter. Or if you’ve had a stroke and you have a hard time with like, the muscles in your face, being able to speak— basically it’s all focused on speech production. I specifically want to go into early intervention. So like the one year old to four year old crowd, I love being around kids. I taught preschool in high school. I taught theater classes to two year olds. That is the cutest thing in the entire world. But basically, I just love being around kids and I’m really interested in language. I’m always like, studying languages— I’m taking Mandarin right now just for funsies because I just like to learn languages so much. So I’m really interested in like bilingual acquisition in early childhood but specifically I want to be able to help younger kids who maybe are not on track to be where they need to be in terms of communication and help them achieve those goals. Because I love to talk and I think that if you also want to talk, you should be able to do that. So, yeah, that’s what I’m really passionate about. And that’s what I think I’m gonna do.
Kai: That’s very original. How many languages do you speak now?
Alexandra: Um, speak well? Or speak—
Kai: How many do you speak now? Or well? Well or not well?
Alexandra: Not well? I have, you know, some good high school level Spanish, you know, thank you to Don Miguel wherever he is right now. So I haven’t brushed up on that a minute. And then I’m currently on quarter, I don’t know what quarter it is, quarter two of Mandarin. So you know, I can get by in both of those. It’s not, not well, I would never try to speak to a native speaker. It’s very, very embarrassing, but I do my darndest. And I have fun doing it, so that’s all that really matters, I guess.
Kai: I speak, I speak a few languages, some of them better than others.
Alexandra: Oh my gosh.
Kai: Well, obviously English, but I speak Spanish or I spoke Spanish since I was a young kid. And also Farsi.
Alexandra: Oh!
Kai: My grandma’s Persian and a long story about exile and escape from Iran. But anyways, she taught me how to speak Farsi.
Alexandra: Yeah, Farsi is a super cool language. That’s very— I think that’d be a very difficult one to learn as a second language, so that’s really cool that you were able to.
Kai: It’s very hard.
Alexandra: Yeah. Yeah. No, that would be definitely like alphabet with that too, would be not a fun time to learn.
Kai: I tried learning how to read and write that did not go
Alexandra: That’s the worst part of Mandarin. It’s not too bad, grammatically and speaking wise, but reading and writing. It’s because there’s no phonetic correlation between any of the characters. It’s just vibes. The whole language is just vibes. It’s the weirdest thing. So props to you, props you for that, that sounds very difficult.
Kai: Everyone answered really well, obviously. But from all your answers for contestant two.
ZV: Aw, I’m so sorry, contestant number two. I’m sure love is out there for you. But I guess our Bachelor today was just not the one for you. Now it’s time for our next question.
Kai: Okay, I like this question. What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
Maya: Okay, um, I would say like in terms of like, independent things that I just like, find really, like calming and something that’s fun to me. I really like art. I like, took painting classes for like, 10 years when I was younger. So I just I really liked painting, drawing like anything like that. I’m trying to think like, in terms of like, just with my friends. I feel like for fun like with my friends, honestly just anything like going shopping, like just talking like late at night. Just yeah, I don’t know, but yeah. And then I also like running just like for fun. That’s like something else I like to do. But yeah.
Kai: I got into running last quarter, but I couldn’t keep it up. I have no discipline when it comes to that. I tried my, I tried my hardest, it didn’t work.
Maya: Oh, and I also wanted to say I like ping pong two. I have a ping pong table at my house. Like that’s also something I would do for fun. But yeah, okay.
Minnie: Okay, this is contestant number four again. I obviously do a lot of music, like for fun, but I feel like recently it’s been more work. So I actually play football or soccer, but like football in London. I grew up playing it, so I played for my county back at home and then I picked it back up again here. So I do that here for fun as well bit of exercise, get out. I like team sports so I do that for fun.
Kai: I actually played an IM game yesterday, men’s B.
Minnie: Oh yeah.
Kai: I’m very, very bad at soccer. I missed an open two times and have a feeling of going to be benched for much of this quarter.
Minnie: I mean, it’s just another thing we can learn together. So it’s all good.
Sofia: This is contestant number three. Um, for fun, obviously, I’m a dancer, so I love dancing. But not just— so my main thing is ballet and contemporary. But usually for fun, I would like try different styles. So like my friend asked me to join a salsa class with her and another friend asked me to join a burlesque class with her and I’m having so much fun with them. So yeah, I do that but I’m also very like outdoorsy like active person. So again, I love the water, I love the beach, so I also have a Jacuzzi at my house. So I just love like, going there like chilling with music, yeah.
Alexandra: This contestant number one again. I’d say for fun mostly at home, I love to do those, the paint by numbers with really complicated ones where it’s super tedious and like, you know, you have to like feel like a scientist with your little paintbrush. I don’t know why I just love those. I love the action of painting, but I’m not very good. The actual creation of the painting— props to contestant number five for being able to paint could not be me, that is such a cool talent that I wish I had. But I love the feeling of painting so I do those all the time. And then I usually like, I like I’ve been getting into reading a little bit more recently and I like to put on an audiobook while I do that so I feel like I’m being productive. I— recently I’ve been rereading the Sherlock Holmes series again, I love the Sherlock Holmes Series. I love a good, like mystery book or TV show or whatever. So usually, my really exciting, you know, Saturday nights or whatever involves me, painting a complicated paint by number and listen to a British guy narrate Sherlock Holmes. I also really like to write music, I play guitar and ukulele. But my favorite is the baritone ukulele, which is kind of like the love child between a guitar and a ukulele. It’s the top four strings of a guitar, but like— anyways, so I really like to play that and I like to write songs. Yeah, so you know, just trying to be a little artsy. And that’s, that’s usually what I like to do. I also did want to say, I really respect that you brought up that you don’t drink because of your religion. I’m also religious. And I think that that is a very important thing that. Basically, I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, I’m just saying thank you for sharing, thank you for sharing that. I think that’s a hard thing for a lot of people to set a strong boundary of, especially in a college campus where it’s so prevalent, and I think that’s very admirable. So, yeah, that’s all.
Kai: What religion are you?
Alexandra: I’m Christian. Yeah, so I grew up in like a Nazarene and a Foursquare church. But recently, I’ve been going to an Episcopal Church, which I love. So yeah.
Kai: Okay, so if I’m being honest, I’m not much of a nightlife person. I don’t, I don’t go out that much. The drinking has a little bit to do with it, but I do enjoy kickbacks, not full fledged frat parties. So I am also more of like a stay home or go on a hike or something kind of person. And so for that reason, contestant three,
ZV: Contestant number three, I am so sorry that the time has come for you to depart. I wish you the best of luck in love and life. And we’re sure that the perfect person is out there. Onto our next question.
Kai: What are the key qualities you look for in a partner?
Maya: Okay, um, first off, because I’m more like introverted, with like, meeting new people, I feel like I generally would look for someone that’s like, a little more outgoing, or at least like, you know, more like chatty and stuff like that. And then, I don’t know someone that just as like, kind, like, easy to talk to, funny. You know, maybe, like, likes to do things that I like to do. But I’m like, pretty open to anyone. Yeah.
Minnie: Okay, I feel like my main thing is loyalty. I kind of pride myself, I’m quite a loyal person with my friends, my family, people I love. So that’s definitely number one, but also just someone I can have a good time with. And yeah, just funny and nice, easy to talk to wants to go out and do things, spend time together.
Kai: Definitely, that’s a high priority for me. I think loyalty is very important.
Minnie: Yeah.
Kai: If you’re looking for a relationship, that is, a lot of people here are not on college campuses in general. But if you are, then that’s a big one.
Minnie: Yeah, I agree. 100%.
Alexandra: This contestant number one again, there’s a few things I definitely look for. One of the first ones coming to mind is obviously a sense of humor. I think I have a relatively dry, sarcastic sense of humor. And I really like someone who is able to kind of match that energy and laugh along with me. And yeah, I guess just follow along with that. I also, I’m really attracted to people who are ambitious. I think that ambition is really important for two people in a relationship to have. I think that obviously in a relationship, you know, your priorities should be each other. But I think that it’s very important for two people in a relationship to also have their own goals and their own ambitions in life and be able to grow as individuals in order to better support each other. So I love a man who knows what he wants to do, you know, go do whatever you want. Yeah, I think ambition is something but really, my dad is a really big role model in my life. He just has this absolutely ridiculous unconditional love for my mother. It is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. He is I’ve always been there for my family. He, you know, he works long hours, he always came to my soccer games as a kid. And so, you know, the bar is pretty high for me. My dad’s really, really cool. So I think just, you know, someone that is really would be dedicated to the people in his life. Yeah, so, yeah,
Kai: That definitely, yeah, that definitely hits home. My dad is also a huge role model for me, I think. I’m almost trying to model my life after his, I think it’s, it’s very ideal for me, what he does, how he likes to have fun with us and, and, of course his loyalty and his hard work to move to the United States and, and make something out of his life.
Alexandra: Yeah
Kai: I think it’s impressive
Alexandra: Yeah no, my, my dad, also, he just has made so many sacrifices for our family. He’s a therapist, so he is the most, like, level headed and calm person I know. And I also definitely tried to model myself after him and that man is full of wisdom and that I one day hope to achieve. So yeah, that’s nice that you have a good relationship with your dad too. It sounds like he’s, he’s made a lot of sacrifices for you.
Kai: Sure has. I am definitely more into as I said, like staying home, like prioritizing, like, a relationship or, or you know, going somewhere together coming back, it’s going to sleep at a reasonable time. So two of these answers, at least for me, like resonated more with that. So contestant five. Unfortunately, you’re eliminated.
ZV: It breaks my heart to see you go contestant number five. This bachelor, it seems it’s just not the one for you. This brings us down to our last two contestants. Kai one final question.
Kai: Okay, I’m gonna make this like, like a kind of a combination of two questions. If you— well okay where was your favorite place, where was the best place you traveled, at least in your opinion? Like, where was your favorite? And also, if you were to choose somewhere to go right now, where would you go and why?
Minnie: Okay, um, I think I’ve been to a lot of places in Europe, just because it’s so close like to go from London to anywhere so easy. But I think, honestly, like LA is the best place I’ve traveled to. I’m not, I’m only 19 so haven’t been to too many places. So definitely, LA has been a big change. But I’ve loved it, met the best people. I think if I could go somewhere else I want to do Australia next. I would love to travel Australia, I think that’d be so fun. I’m a big sun girl. Sun beach I like to be in the sun so nowhere cold so Australia for sure.
Kai: Definitely respect that.
Alexandra: Okay, so my hometown is kind of in the middle of nowhere, it’s up super North California up in like the redwoods. And so it’s very small, very rural. So I love to travel because when you look at the same three streets and the same tens cows for 18 years of your life, it gets a little boring. So my favorite place I traveled is— I got to go to Munich, Germany, two summers ago, it was a little while ago. Anyways, I loved it. It was my first time going to Europe. Germany was so clean, people there were so nice, but the number one thing I loved about Germany was the public transportation. I have never been on a, like a good public transportation system. No hate to LA but the buses are kind of stinky here compared to Germany. They were so fast and they got you everywhere and I hate driving. So I love being like, “Oh, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna hop on the S-Bahn and go to this place” so. And also just the architecture there was beautiful. I love architecture, I’m super interested in like, art history and architecture and Germany is a great place for that. But if I had to pick somewhere else to go, I really, I’ve always want to go to Singapore. I think Singapore is such an interesting concept for a country. It’s like city and country. And also it’s just such a cool, like melting pot of culture. You know, there’s a large Han Chinese population there. And there’s a lot of Indian population there. As well as you know, the American Westerners that have come there. So it’s just a really interesting cultural fragment of the world. And the food there’s supposed to be really good. I always hear about those food stalls or they have like the crab and the rice, and I want to do that so badly. And I want to see the gardens. And yeah, so next flight to Singapore, that’s the one I’ll be on. So yeah.
Kai: For sure. This was probably my favorite question, because I’m, I’ve traveled a lot, especially when I was younger.
Alexandra: Lucky.
Kai: Yeah, I know. I count my blessings every day. But honestly, it’s mostly because of ping pong. I played in a lot of different countries and I got to see a lot of different things. So probably my favorite was Cataratas del Iguazu or Iguazu Falls in Brazil. I think that was magnificent, like, most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. That along with the Galapagos Islands, like really beautiful. Definitely, highly recommend. But also, if I were to go to somewhere, someplace right now would probably be Iceland. Because I’ve heard of the geysers and the snorkeling and all that. And, yeah.
Alexandra: Can I ask a follow up question? Do we have time for that? Okay. Did you get to pet a turtle in the Galapagos?
Kai: We did. I think we weren’t supposed to. But of course we did.
Alexandra: That is the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me. My other follow up question is, in your professional opinion, which country has the best ping pong players? Because–
Kai: Oh, China, and that’s not even close. It’s quite–
Alexandra: I believe that.
Kai: It’s quite the buzzkill actually, I really don’t like it. Like, I feel like it would be so much more fun if everybody was a little bit more competitive,
Alexandra: If everyone’s a little more competitive? Because China is just better than everyone else.
Kai: Yeah, it’s not it’s not fun to watch them win Olympics year after year after year after yea. It just gets gets really boring.
Alexandra: Okay, so what I’m learning from this is I’m gonna take the Chinese that I’m learning and I’m gonna become a professional Chinese ping pong translator. That’s actually my new career goal. I’m dropping the speech pathology. So I can travel. That’s okay. Yeah, good to know. Thank you. This has been very informative.
Kai: My favorite place in the whole world is where I’m from in Alameda. And so I really resonate with like, California itself. I really like California. I like the Redwoods. I like, I like everything about California, my favorite place in the world. And so, I don’t— I can’t find a good reason, but contestant four, you’re limited.
ZV: Contestant number one, you are the lucky gal that will go on a date with our Bachelor. Are you ready to see each other? In 3…2…1.
AM: We’re glad to see how good of a pairing Kai and Alexandra make and we wish them the best of luck in their dating journey. Now we wanted to delve deeper into the topic of dating in college
FH: We had the opportunity to interview Professor Ben Karney who heads the UCLA Marriage Lab. With his 35 years of experience in analyzing intimate relationships between partners of all backgrounds, he had a lot to share from his perspective of the dating world.
AM: We started off our meeting by hearing his opinions on how, over time, dating has remained the same for college students in many ways.
Ben Karney: So when college students get onto a college campus and are sort of living independently, probably for the first time in their lives. They have freedom to explore intimacy, explore what a partnership might look like, and start thinking about, the beginnings at least, of forming their own adult relationships. And college is often a time when people are really doing that seriously, for the first time.
AM: Being out of the nest can be extremely daunting for many reasons. Given their newfound independence. There are both external and internal pressures for students to explore the dating scene, at least based on Kai’s experience.
Kai: I didn’t really start thinking about dating until I got into college because of the whole I mean, I don’t think I actually talked about the whole online school kind of thing. And traveling and all that it just, it wasn’t a possibility at all. And then I got here and everybody’s all sudden, there’s parties, and there’s people like going out. And there’s people going on dates, and you know, some of them are almost married. Wow. You know, like, oh, that’s real.
AM: Luckily, there are tools to help students with forming new connections. Professor Karney holds an optimistic view on technology, specifically when it comes to using dating apps.
BK: But nowadays, modern online technology and mobile technology and dating apps really simplify this process. So now if I’m on a college campus, I can actually go to an app that says on this exact campus, here’s basically a list of people who are interested in dating. Who are single just like you and are open to being approached. That’s incredibly convenient. So that speeds up a lot of the process. The challenges of actually now finding a person who you’re compatible with, that hasn’t gone away. But the challenge of finding someone who’s available and meets your general criteria. That’s gotten easier, and that’s amazing.
FH: Nevertheless, it’s clear that dating apps also present their own downsides. Two of our contestants Helena and Sofia share their hesitations and some consequences from meeting people online.
Helena: Yeah, I turned 18 here so I downloaded Tinder and Hinge as like a birthday present for me. And every single time I go somewhere, I see like five Tinder matches that I’ve never talked to before. And I’ve been like approached by them like, “Hey, we matched on Tinder” in like Epicuria and stuff. So this was like a nice refreshing way to just like meet people and have it be like more calm like it’s two hours like talking in person, no expectations, not like texting back and forth.
Sofia: Yeah, I’ve never had dating apps until like, what, like two weeks ago? Because I was like, super against them, they’re not really a thing in Italy. But then I was like, really bored. I was like, “Okay, fine, let’s do it”. And then I started talking to a bunch of people. I was like, “Actually…”. I never met up with anyone, but it was just not my thing. I’m like, I don’t like this. Like, I don’t know your vibe in person. Like, yeah, I want to get to know you on a deeper level so.
FH: Karney also mentions a few challenges experienced by people using dating apps.
BK: There’s been a lot of research on how the availability of dating apps has changed dating. There are upsides, convenience, and there are also downsides. One downside is that for some people, the availability of a lot of potential partners interferes with efforts to commit to any one partner. And so a lot of people have written about this as a potential fear as like, “Well, if I know that there’s thousands of people available, and I can get access to them online or on my phone, why am I going to put up with a real human being with all that person’s limitations and flaws? There’s always another person in the closet that I can just pull from”. That’s at least that’s what people have expressed concerns about. However, that concern, my sense, is mostly overblown. And it’s mostly overblown, because most people let me put it another way. Dating apps favor people who are young and conventionally attractive. What that means is for a lot of people, just because you’re on a dating app, doesn’t mean you have tens or ten, or twenty options of potential partners who would love to date you. For most people, it’s still kind of a crapshoot, and still very hard to find people even on Tinder.
AM: At prestigious institutions like UCLA, some students may not prioritize dating as much as they used to.
BK: Economic insecurity is affecting how college students approach relationships. What people tend to do, especially people who are at good colleges, who are working hard in their educations, investing a lot of money in their education, is saying, “I don’t have time for a relationship, and certainly not if that relationship will interfere with my professional advancement”. So what college students increasingly are saying, not every college student, but what on average college students are saying more and more is, I’ll get to the relationship later. But right now, I better focus on my education and my career, because if I don’t, I’m going to fall behind.
AM: The horrors of online dating are enshrined in multiple Reddit threads where people share experiences bound to leave readers gasping for air from laughing too hard or from fear. Nowadays, enthusiasm around online dating is waning as students increasingly favor meeting people in person rather than through these platforms. As Karney notes–
BK: The way that we evaluate the idea of a partner is totally different than the way we evaluate someone who is sitting in front of our face. Everything changes when there’s a person in front of you. When there’s a person in front of you, a lot of those qualities go out the window, or just— they’re just not relevant. Because what’s relevant when you’re talking to a person is how that person responds to you, and how those responses make you feel. That’s actually what we’re what’s happening in the moment of an interaction.
FH: It turns out that meeting someone in person provides you with more accurate clues on whether or not you’re attracted to them, especially compared to a two dimensional description of their age, height and favorite singers, like you might see on an online profile. These sorts of authentic interactions are rare, but oftentimes immensely rewarding. By participating in “The Bruin Bachelorette”, our winning contestant Alex grew more confident in finding love, while being unapologetically herself.
Alexandra: There’s a lot of insecurity that comes in a relationship. A lot of wondering like, you know, “Am I too much? Is my personality going to be too overbearing for someone? Or is he gonna think I’m attractive? Or is we’re gonna have anything in common?” It took a lot of the weight off of me to try to be someone that I’m not we’re trying to impress you, because I didn’t really care if I impressed you because at the end of day, it was finding who you liked the most and not me trying to fit some mold. And I think I’ve always just kind of struggled with that in— just in terms of dating. There’s part of this that has been really validating for me, I would say that I can just be myself and that someone will like that and that someone will, you know, be gravitated towards that.
AM: Today we learned a lot about the dating lives of Bruins. We’d like to thank all of our contestants Maya, Sophia, Minnie and Helena, and best of luck to our couple Kai and Alex on their next adventures together. Finally, huge thanks to Professor Karney for sharing his knowledge on modern dating for college students. This is the Bruin Bachelorette.
ZV: I’m Zoe.
AM: I’m Alexa.
FH: And I’m Fonda. Thanks for tuning in and be on the lookout for our next episode.
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